


Forced Hand

by Nervoustouch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fantasizing, Force Bond (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Possessive Kylo Ren, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Protective Finn, Really not nice, Sex, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Stormtrooper Culture, Swearing, Violence, Violent Thoughts, things we do for love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-03-14 12:35:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 73,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13590177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nervoustouch/pseuds/Nervoustouch
Summary: The power connection that pushed Kylo Ren and Rey together never stopped after Supreme Leader Snoke’s death. Instead their projected meetings grew more erratic and frequent. Almost daily one would accidentally reach for the other, they could not make it happen and they both found they could not predict or stop it.Instead of the measured, sometimes sweet meetings they’d had in the past, the connections turned into vicious sniping matches, each blaming the other for their trapped bodies. If he hadn’t used the Force on her mind on Starkiller Base, if she hadn’t touched him, if only one would turn to the dark or the other to the light.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Hello future readers. Here I am in the future, but your present... Time travel aside; I am writing these notes from Chapter 24. People really got to giving feedback on this particular chapter which is great, you put your work out for people to experience. So, because of the strong feelings I want everyone to read the comments on chapter 24 before continuing on. Then choose to read on not. 
> 
> I broke a lot of rules of fan fiction in this, my first work, (I will learn next time I swear!) and really should have split the story in two parts. I will compare the experience to the difference between listening to 'a-band-you-like' (part one) and then 'a-band-you-like who decided to make an album of interpretive electro' (part two). Apologies to people who have started reading and are now trapped between wanting to know the end and wondering why you bought expensive concert tickets to a band who is setting up a glockenspiel orchestra. 
> 
> You may also stop reading after part one and have a complete story.

A frayed section of graying fabric from her arm wrap and an old scar pitted in her skin, brightly lit by the breaking sun as she sat in a pool of morning heat, that was all she would let him see. A close up. Just one instant of connection. Then her heavy walls shut instantly sending him back to reality. Alone in the dark. 

***

Long, long ago… a lifetime it felt like. After the resistance evacuated Crait, after the ultimatum, after that touch and the Force link that still haunted their dreams they kept connecting. Fumbling towards each other like rushing rivers meeting over a waterfall.

The power connection that pushed Kylo Ren and Rey together never stopped after Supreme Leader Snoke’s death. Instead their projected meetings grew more erratic and frequent. Almost daily one would accidentally reach for the other. Frustratingly neither of them could make a Force bond happen. No matter how much they either strained to connect or fought to deny it they both found they could not predict or stop their connections. 

Instead of the measured, almost sometimes sweet meetings they’d had in the past their bonding turned into vicious sniping matches, each blaming the other for their trapped bodies. If he hadn’t used the Force on her mind on Starkiller Base, if she hadn’t touched him, if only one would turn to the dark or the other to the light. 

Rey had most success with blocking Kylo Ren and would turn away, chopping at the Force as soon as she was aware of his presence, but it took caution and energy. So much caution and concentration that she was almost afraid to relax. Sleep meant waking up to his skin, to his hair, feeling his anger gushing inside her veins. At times it scared her, the evil, destroying rage in his thoughts. He hated that she had left him.

Rey felt his only pleasure in any stolen seconds of pain he caused her. Through great effort she had only recently been able to not stop the bond, but control it a little better. Harder to do at times when he caught her falling asleep or waking, and Kylo Ren had quickly worked out her sleep cycles. It was uncontrolled the linking, but at times Ren used great force to keep their sessions open. If she was half asleep or dreaming he took the advantage. Stars he made her skin crawl. After each meeting her mouth was left dry, her throat raw from swallowing the pain and her hands shaking.

It was becoming dangerous to everything the Resistance was rebuilding, reluctantly Rey asked to be removed from the new makeshift Resistance base. Sensing Rey at a crossroad General Organa had agreed to Rey’s request and sent the deteriorating Millennium Falcon to a rebel sympathizing repair hanger owned by the Lando family on Corellia for repairs. It was a good assignment, the Falcon had saved the resistance more than once and deserved to be preserved. Finn, Chewbacca and Rey were asked to crew and assist the local mechanics. General Organa had wished them the best, holding Rey’s hand a little longer than the others. 

Rey had wondered if she could sense the turmoil inside her. 

To Rey the ship hanger on Corellia was the closest thing to joy she had ever found. The Millennium Falcon was ancient, but she took a workman's pride in repairing or replacing the thousands of mechanical parts that made up what had once been the fastest in the galaxy. Rey was determined it would be again. The work, the friendship and the Force of the gentle planet seemed to slow the connection with Kylo Ren and life became a series of beautiful mechanical rituals. 

Living and working with two cherished friends, Rey wasn't alone anymore. She loved to greet them, to say 'good night' knowing they would be there in the morning. To ask someone a question and hear a reply. To steady Finn’s arm when he needed her advise and share Chewie’s roaring joy of Finding a part that they had felt for sure was not available anymore. Eating and bathing, working and talking. Using the beauty in the Force to explore and lift and study. 

And yet… yet, emptiness still.

The climate on this continent of Corellia was muggy, which was different to the dry heat of Jakku. It made her body feel different like she was always wet. 

One pink and orange clouded evening, after a long, hot shift of ship repairs Rey watched Finn jealous of him being able to work shirtless. His sweat slick chest muscles flexing as he wrestled a larger mechanical part into place at the back of the Millennium Falcon. Using long, two armed strokes he confidently worked with a look of concentration on his handsome face that made Rey's lips part. 

She breathed deeper, stopping her own tasks to watch his body. Rey was crouching at the landing gear as she watched the distracting Finn. Her heel pressed against her crotch, rubbing against her most private parts. The air was so fucking heavy here, she felt her breath flutter as he grunts. Her own sweat curls a cool channel between her breasts. 

She ground her heel into herself enjoying the pressure.

"Rey," Finn called, "could you help me?" He turned to look at her and she dropped the spanner she had been pretending to use. It clattered loudly echoing through the large space.

She stood up quickly, eyes wide, licking her lips guiltily and went to help fit the part. 

Rey stood in front of Finn holding the part in place, their bodies almost touching they were so close. He had to reach around her slightly so they could push together. Rey could smell him and feel his breathing, she stared tensely focusing on her work. Finn murmured to himself as he gave the part a Final twist while Rey made sure it stayed flush. 

Rey's own cheeks were flush and they felt like burning embers on her face. She swallowed and turned around slowly, but Finn, oblivious to what he had made her feel had moved away and was talking about what he needed to do next on the ship.

The other mechanics had gone home to their family’s hours ago, and the first tiny, twinkling stars were starting to appear outside the hanger at the edges of the sunset.

"I'm going to go clean up and read in bed for a while," Rey told Finn. 

"Good idea," he paused. "Hey could you do me a favor?" He asked coming close to her again and he gently took her work calloused hand.

"Yes." Her heart beat so loud she thought it echoed.

"Could you ask Chewie if he has any more of these?" Finn dropped a small cog into her palm. "I need eight more and he only gave me four. I know he thinks I can do it in four, but eight, I need eight." He continued to chatter while Rey quietly had an internal struggle to stamp her hormones to dust. Half way through the one side conversation she wandered off towards the hanger exit. The part dropped into her pocket.

The showers were in an outside block. Whenever she showered Rey spent extra energy to keep on guard for flare ups of the visits between herself and Kylo Ren.

The reason behind the caution was because he had caught her out before, back in the bathroom of the Resistance base, just as she had wrapped a brief, cheap towel around herself and still soaked from the water. She felt sure he had seen everything because it was the only time she had seen him Kylo Ren really smile. A spiteful smile like he had just crushed a small animal under his shiny black boots.

Opposite to her Ren had been dressed almost regally, his black uniform perfectly fitting and ornate, it was a strange outfit for a dusty, brown public bathroom. 

Rey had reacted instantly and pushed into his mind to force his eyes closed. His leering smile turned to his standard scowl as he realised what she was doing and then she had felt the pain again, just as Snoke had electrified her body in his throne room, the same horror and sense of helplessness. The towel slipped as the searing agony had hit her brain. The sight of her naked chest gasping had shamed him into stopping. The link had stopped.

After that Rey had asked to be sent away.

She hadn't learnt how to use the Force to cause pain for him, but he seemed to relish cruelly shooting pain at her if Rey dared to use Force too strongly in his company. Maybe torture was something only the dark side could teach. 

It was so hard to study alone.

Anyway, today there was no 'visiting'. Rey quickly finished her shower and headed back towards the hanger, and her bed, on the Falcon. 

A noise in the thick tropical forest attracted her attention. Rey stood still and silent. She reached out with her Force, but at times she could not feel anything and this was a time when she could not distinguish a tree from a vine or rock. Still, there was a strange feeling coming from her left so she moved closer careful to step silently and keep low. She gripped her staff sliding the light metal under her hands. It was almost dark. 

Leaning against a large tree, among its giant rigid roots Finn was slouching still shirtless and looking down at his feet, his pants slightly lowered.

Rey rolled her eyes and relaxed her grip. ‘Bathroom break, Finn is pissing on a tree’ she thought and smothered a childish giggle. Turning away she slunk behind another nearby tree to give him privacy, waiting for him to move on so she could escape any embarrassing meeting.

He was taking a long time, she flicked a tiny blue lizard off her leg. A really long time for a piss really.

Rey peeped out again to see if he was okay. Finn was still leaning, moving his arm a little, focusing on something interesting on the tree… Then she realised what he was doing. He wasn't urinating, he was, he was… She swallowed and sunk back, he was masturbating.

Rey covered her mouth that dropped into a surprised O. She felt like she wanted to explode into laughter, the situation was so absurd. What if he saw her? She turned back away from Finn's wanking and shut her eyes while still covering her mouth. If only she had more hands to cover her ears. Rey heard Finn grunting and almost completely lost her composure when he moaned a 'yeah baby, yeah'. 

Luckily he Finished after that and went loudly shuffling off towards the shower block, inches away from Rey’s hiding spot. She held her breath and counted to ten before moving on.

The sun was very low now, small glowing insects fluttered about the forest. Rey crept over to what she would now call 'Finn's tree'. She could see his creamy, whitish cum on the ground, dribbled over dried leaves. Rey had thought sperm would be different looking. Bigger maybe? She wrinkled her freckled nose and looked closer. It looked sticky. She resisted the urge to touch it but it was fascinating, is that what all the fuss is about?

Sighing, Rey went back to her bed on board the Millennium Falcon. Her room was small, just a single bed and drawers underneath and a railing on the wall to hang onto during pitchy maneuvers. The only decoration was an ancient looking advertisement poster for a popular alcoholic drink stuck above her bed. 

It had come with the room and Rey had refused to let Finn take it. It was a picture of a beautiful, blonde, topless woman half lying on a hammock brandishing a bottle. They rope of the hammock pressed into the models skin looking slightly painful and her breasts were huge and perfect. Rey looked at the picture. Was it the sort of thing boys masturbated too? What, or who, did Finn think of? Or for boys did they just do? Did they rub their penis and just cum? 

"Ergh!" she groaned lying back on her bed and pulling the light blanket over her head. It was something a Jedi should not be thinking of anyway. Not that she was strictly a Jedi. 

Rey couldn't read her books tonight and she couldn't center herself. Meditation would be frustrating right now, best to give up and get up early in the morning. She turned out the light and only a soft glow from the dim floor emergency guide lights threw gentle shadows over the space.

Rey undressed until she only had a brief sleeveless top and underwear on. She lay back down determined to sleep.

Thoughts of Finn filled her mind. Not Finn exactly, but a shadow Finn with the muscles and large laughing lips and the tree. Finn was a friend, a very dear new friend, but he was so, so, so just Finn! Clueless and all eyes and he worried about everything. 

Rey lay on her back and tried to calm her thoughts. She controlled her breathing but her mind was not obedient.

It would be so nice to be touched and rubbed. Rey wanted to kiss and be kissed. She moved both her hands over her smooth stomach and under her shirt cupping a breast. Her nipples were hard and Rey rubbed them with her thumbs circling their pinkness. 

Then she pulled down her underwear, closed her eyes and thought more about Finn wanking. Touching his dick, the cum squirting out the tip. 

Rey reached between her legs and stroked her smooth thighs. The thoughts were so fucking hot, it made her mind swirl. She moved her hands to stroke her curly pubic hair, running a finger just around her pink labia, slowly circling her hole, gently putting a fingertip inside. She breathed hard, eyes closed, legs open wide and butt tense against the rough sheets. The pictures of an unseen man blessed her fantasies. He would rub and rub his dick with no shirt, and he'd kiss Rey really kiss, on the lips. She focused on the kissing, what it would feel like, the taste and the smell.

She urgently rubbed her clitoris feeling her orgasm rise, filling her mind and making every hair on her body prickle with intensity.

At that moment, she was so absorbed in enjoying fucking herself with her fingers that she didn't see him sitting on the edge of her bunk. 

***

And he saw everything. 

He was staring at her not daring to move.

Kylo Ren watched Rey masturbating her lashes dark against her blushing cheeks. A little drop of liquid on her lips as she licked her hands to lubricate them before... fuck he couldn't watch, but he would not look away, it was exhilarating. Rey's tiny toes on perfect feet curled as she worked in little circles on her clit quick then slow. He watched her fingers disappearing into her pink, wet... Fuck it was like watching a shocking space wreck.

He slowly probed her mind with his Force while staring like a starving man at a three course dinner behind glass, fully expecting to be caught any instant.

Her breathing got heavier. Whatever he was going to do he had to do it fast, but he didn't want to influence her thoughts only to spy. She was thinking about kissing, intense kissing, but the urge to orgasm was so overpowering he couldn't focus, he could taste her emotion and it was uncontrollable. 

Kylo Ren felt the waves of erotic need radiating off her body and electrifying his brain and then with a series of soft 'ohs' and something between a sigh and a grunt his body reacted to the release of her orgasm. It was like a blaster stun to his chest.

Then it was over.

He saw she realised she was Force bonding with him as soon as her mind was clear, but still he couldn’t look away. Her eyes snapped open wide with a look of horror on her face. Rey didn't bother to cover herself, it was too late for that. She sat up and grasped the mattress with both hands screaming at him.

“GET OUT!”

Every emergency light on board burned their power out in a flash of blinding energy and in unity died to black. Her blaster, inside the drawer under her bed, sprung up and rattled, banging loudly it quickly drew power. 

"I didn't ask for this," Kylo Ren spat at her outraged face. He raised a hand, leaned closer and collected the Force.

But his Force choke and Rey's blaster firing up through the bed, the shot ripping upwards through his leering eyes, was pointless as they were no longer together.

***

Chewie wrenched open the door to Rey's room while bellowing and aimed his bow in her direction.

Her blaster fell down in its drawer no longer pulled by Rey’s anger and she yelled "I'm okay" before pulling her shirt down, covering herself. The room wasn't dark as her bed was on fire. 

"I'm okay" she repeated more confidently as she quickly moved off the bed. Luckily an extinguisher is never far away on the Millennium Falcon. It caught on fire far too frequently.

Then Finn was there, bouncing off the walls, shining a torch in her face and asking if she was hurt. Still red hot angry at Kylo Ren, and her own weaknesses she snapped at him to get out.

"I had a dream, it frightened me and like an idiot… I let it overwhelm me. Please Finn, Chewie I'm sorry to wake you both but I need to breathe." 

Rey pushed past barely holding her long shirt down low enough to cover her ass and went out to the store room to get another blanket. It was uncomfortable to feel so violated. He had been watching her! Insufferable bastard, brute, fucking animal. She fumed and her body shook with rage. Rey wrapped the blanket around herself instantly feeling too hot.

She threw herself into the pilot seat and stared out the window at the darkness listening to Chewie and Finn argue about who was going to go talk to her. Finn didn’t understand a word of wookiee and the odd, disjointed conversation calmed her. She put her head in her hands. 

“What?” Ren asked quietly in his deep emotionless voice. He was there again, seated opposite, unapologetic.

“Why won't it stop?” She asked.

He just looked at her. Long ago in these conversations she had worked out he rarely answered her questions.

They sat in silence and looked at each other. He was so much taller, she settled back in the chair, head resting in the warm, worn leather, crisscrossed with years of repairs. Her eyes wandered till they settled on his broad chest, watching him breathe. Her eyelids felt heavy. Fuck this.

"You know I didn't..." Kylo Ren licked his lips. "You know we can't control this."

"But you could have looked away, or closed your eyes, or something. Instead of staring at me with that pissed off look on your face. You are a bully and controlling. I feel so embarrassed, worse I feel, I feel dirty. I know we are not friends. I know we are far from even able to..." She waved a hand motioning between them unable to put her thoughts into words. "You saved my life and we fought together doesn't that mean something?" 

Kylo Ren looked at his black gloved hands clenched in his lap as he sat opposite to Rey his hair falling over his downcast eyes.

"You looked beautiful." He lifted his eyes staring back at her. She was tired, wrapped in a blanket, her hair all mused from sweat and her face wearing the familiar brows furrowed and disappointed expression. The silence was heavy it dragged on like the universe stretched between them.

Kylo cleared his throat. "We are not friends, but it was not… I shouldn’t have watched" He offered. 

Rey thought about watching Finn earlier. Creeping around the forest and hiding. Was she not a hypocrite to not forgive something she had actually done that very day? Although she felt she had really seen nothing compared to her ordeal. Would Finn see it that way? She hadn't given her friend a chance to decide if he would feel outraged, embarrassed or upset and Rey hadn’t planned to either.

She sighed. "We can't control it." It was all she could mutter watching Ren’s chest moved a little quicker. 

"I meant it. You are beautiful."

"I know." She answered and crumpled the Force that tied them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The force bond is making life hard (in more ways than one) for Kylo Ren.

What did she mean by that? Stupid scavenger scum. Kylo Ren stood up and paced over to the grey wall of his private living area, he was blessedly alone inside his quarters of the new command ship Rescindere. He stared moodily at an enormous weapon rack. Inside he wanted to rip something, to slash the life out of someone. It took all his energy to stay still when inside he was chaos. He felt no peace.

“I know?” He repeated Rey’s last words choking on them.

Pressing his gloved palms against the metal hold all Ren forced himself to breathe slower. Leaning his forehead on the cold barrel of a blaster he ground his teeth while remembering the way Rey had fought with him in Supreme Leader Snoke’s glowing red throne room. He had offered her a chance to join him, to forget her abandoned past, he had told her the truth. That she was nothing without him. And yet she still defied him? 

The girl was so frustrating. Beyond infuriating. It was like she tried to make him hate her. He would find her and make her hurt. He would make Rey hate him, she would beg him to let her die, because wasn’t he a monster?

Every time he tried to be with her, to make her see he was... that he was negotiating. She would turn away from him. 

He didn't have time for this.

Kylo Ren turned to his desk and picked up a comm unit looking through some messages. He searched for anything from his protocol droid X20. Regulated to exclusively researching Jedi as well as Sith lore and history, Ren hoped the droid would find something new to help him break the link between Rey and himself. X20 was ordered to immediately send him any new information. Nothing. There was nothing new, no more than different variants on the fairy tales Ren had already seen. Less than nothing, as the more knowledge he gained the more he found the information pointed to some sort of pairing that couldn’t ever be controlled. So far he had learned a Force bond was impossible to break without causing debilitating harm to both of them, and as much he wanted Rey to hurt right now, Ren didn’t want anything causing lethal consequences for himself.

Straightening himself Kylo Ren dropped the Comm, it skittered across his desk with a clatter of plastic on metal. He pulled his new helmet on. The mask helped to calm him further, the oxygen inside was perfectly regulated and his expressions hidden from the prying eyes of the New Order. 

Exiting his private rooms four of his elite stormtrooper guard automatically walked behind him. All dressed alike in black armor and all silent apart from the tramp of boots in large, well lit metallic corridors. 

Ren had the rest of the afternoon ahead of him as Rescindere’s day/night cycle did not match whatever planet the scavenger bitch was on. It made their meetings even more unpleasant, to be working and have to walk out of rooms suddenly, or to have to use the force to tell others to sleep through sections of the day. He remembered the time he had caught Rey in the shower.

He had been standing with other chiefs of staff behind General Hux, who was rather giving a rather excessively servile introduction for the new Supreme Leader to the entire First Order army. Whole legions of loyal stormtroopers and imperial cadets with their attention locked on the podium were waiting for his address. As General Hux concluded his speech Kylo Ren saw the startling image of a wet, naked Rey wrapping herself in what looked like the universe's smallest towel behind a large flag draped column. He could admit he had found it a most interesting sight. 

That Force meeting had not ended well. 

Trying to shut her out he had been heavy handed, but she would have blinded him in front of the entire army. 

The corridors around the Supreme Leader slowly filled with stormtroopers, technicians and droids as he made his way towards a set of huge double doors. His secretaries were waiting and they bowed to their Supreme Leader as he passed. 

Walking into a large and ornate room full of serious looking potential allies Kylo Ren made sure his saber hilt was in view. The guards, well trained saluted and held their blasters in front of them. Muzzle down, yet clearly they were ready for whatever needed to be done. 

Everyone stood for the Supreme Leader. He nodded at them and sat. It was going to be a long discussion, he was negotiating with Snoke's wide circle of diplomatic, military, banking and world leaders to decide if their continued support would benefit from his new world order. He had no time for Force bonds, he had to break this shackle. It was a weakness that could be used against him.

***

That evening Kylo Ren looked through the research his protocol droid had been sending for what felt like the one hundredth time. There was nothing new. He shut the comm unit down, then he centered it on his desk, it was a reflective black square reflecting his frown. Ren’s dark hair fell around his face. He was an ugly, big nosed, pale man with a scar. He picked up the comm unit and threw it at a wall. It smashed in a satisfying explosion of small parts.

In his bedroom Ren lay down and unashamedly thought about Rey masturbating. She had been thinking about kissing. Deep, intense, lips meeting, passionate kissing. It seemed so innocent, so sickly sweet. Who masturbates to something so boring? Is that what girls thought of? 

His experience on what was sexually arousing to women was sadly lacking. It wasn’t a subject covered in Padawan training.

Watching her fuck herself now that had been surprising, beautifully surprising. He had been honest about that, although it irritated him for telling her so. He had let himself feel weakness through watching her, and felt tricked by his emotions into showing some sick form of empathy.

Pushing his self-hatred aside Ren tried to remember the details of their bedroom encounter. Those little fingers pressing into her pink folds. The way her thumb moved over her clitoris. Her tongue licking her parted lips, darting, wet, her eyes closed, pink cheeked and legs splayed. Rey had looked so hotly happy.

In Ren's imagination he joined her, his hands touching her little tanned feet, cupping them, and he moved his hands up her pretty calves to her thighs. From stroking Rey’s inside legs his hands would move to her welcoming pussy. Taking over from her small fingers he would use his thumbs to press her softness, to circle, just like how she showed him. 

Her hands, free from their work would pull his face towards her lips, she would lean into him and they would kiss just like she imagined. Their tongues caressing, he would hear her breathing, feel her skin. Rey would ask for more, no beg for more.

Ren stripped, dimming the lights and started to masturbate, his balls ached to release. Spitting into his hand he pumped his hard cock.

He started to imagine fucking Rey's body while roughly kissing her neck; he would stick his dick into wet, tight warmth while dominating her and she… she would be in a position of submission under him, reaching for him instead of turning away. Instead of that frown…

Eyes snapping open his stupid brain went too far. It flicked into his mind that she was watching him touch himself. 

The thought was so intrusive he stopped wanking and looked around the room, certain she was there. But the room was empty. 

He tried to think she might enjoy it as he had enjoyed watching her, but he knew she would not. That could never possibly ever happen. Rey would be disgusted with that look of hopeless disappointment she always seemed to have on her face when he was around. Ren tried to go back to his original fantasy and pulled his still intensely hard dick a few more times, but the moment had passed. The worry she could materialise any second, looking shocked and outraged gave him stage fright until he just lay in bed staring at the dust in the ceiling vents.

Even masturbating had been ruined by their Force bond. He would never be able to concentrate on what needed to be done at any time with the threat of her watching him. Just her body in the same room distracted him, and for whatever reason he could not slice out his need to interact with her. If she showed him a tiny strip of skin he felt like smashing every object in the way of touching her. It would never end.

They didn't see each other for eight days. Eight days of blessed, lonely, painful emptiness. By that time Kylo Ren knew what had to be done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my tablet spellchecker. It changes Kylo to Kyle so I feel I am writing a bizarre episode of South Park. 
> 
> It also changes all swear words and some anatomy parts. So when editing I have to remember what I wanted to say when I read; 'Kyle Ren wanted to fuchsia Rey, he moved his hands over her tito as his dice grew harder'.
> 
> Does anyone else have words their spellchecker is too shy to let you use??


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A proposal for a truce of sorts.

It had been over a week since Rey’s last disastrous affair with Supreme Leader of the First Order Kylo Ren and she had grown even more watchful and guarded waiting for the next meeting. 

Regretfully, Rey started to withdraw more from talking to others. She who had been so happy to look at the food delivery man's new baby pictures or to send General Organa a cheerful message updating her on the repairs on the Millennium Falcon was now silent. She had liked to hear Chewie talk about his embarrassing family holiday traditions and had loved those deep and meaningful evening chats with Finn on life, the universe and everything, but she could hardly look at Finn now.

Her self-imposed seclusion stained everything. She showered with clothes on, slept facing the wall and her special fear was the toilet blocks. 

A sweet, local mechanic she had made friends with while repairing the Millennium Falcon noted her seclusion and had asked Rey to visit her family, but Rey didn't want to take a chance on seeing Kylo Ren and the First Order somehow working out where she was or who she was with. Rey didn't want any more blood on her hands so she had regretfully declined.

The more she didn't feel Kylo Ren the more she felt on edge. Like waiting for... no she wouldn't think about waiting. No more waiting for people who never came.

Then one early morning she was sitting alone at a table soldering tiny parts sitting under the shade of the Falcon’s shadow. The hanger’s huge retractable roof was wide open as it was not yet the sweaty, heavy time of day. Instead of the sound of tools and forklifts there was only the distant hum of landspeeders and the drone of forest insects. Sitting forward and concentrating, the touch of the hard, dusty stone floor on the toes of her crossed feet gave Rey a calm feeling, a welcome change from the frequent anxiety. She was the force, she was the space between the force, it filled her like a sweet meditation. 

Not really dressed for the day she was wearing an impractical for mechanical work, faded, cornflower blue sleeveless dress. It was loose, short and comfortable and Rey felt cooler wearing it. Her new mechanic friend had been around the same clothing size and had kindly traded some outfits with Rey after the fire had burnt up what little had been stored under her bed. Rey had tied her hair into a single, large bun and a few wisps of hair fell against her tanned neck, bobbing in a slight wind.

When Rey sensed Kylo Ren sitting opposite her, her eyes widened, then narrowed. She turned off her welder and put it on its stand propping her protective glasses on top of her head. Without the tint of her glasses the light flooded her vision and she could see dust particles dancing in the morning sunbeams. Like atoms floating between them.

She couldn't tell what he had been doing, if anything. Looking a little less formal than usual, his jacket was plain, although still black, and his hands were bare. The usual scowl was fixed in its place though and dark eyes, too personal and glaring. Someone should have told him it was rude to stare when he was growing up.

She felt him meanly slide into her mind and Rey quickly, elegantly headed off his intrusion with a hiss of frustration.

"I have a proposition for you," Ren addressed her in his low voice. "Are you alone?"

"I am alone. For now," Rey replied. "But I will never join the First Order and I don't want to be trained by you. I’m nothing remember, I’m nothing in this story." She added. “So save your breath.”

He shook his head and slammed his fists on the table making Rey flinch, but she shows no fear. 

“JUST LISTEN.” He yells and Rey watches all the muscles in his face tense then relax. 

"I am tired of this force bond, as tired as I am sure you are, but while you have been…” he relaxes his hands slowly and flicks a seedy smirk at her face, “keeping busy.”

Rey frowned at the obvious reference to his vile visit while she had been 'relaxing'. What an asshole. She keeps calm though trying to make her body into a stone fortress, as he’s relishing making her react. 

“I have been trying to find out how to stop this force bond or at least block it.” He spread his hands wide and admits. “I have been largely unsuccessful. I believe we should try a different way of managing our time together."

"A force bond?" Rey asks. 

Kylo Ren explains slowly, like talking to a simple child. "A type of force kinship, an unbreakable connection. In the past force bonded Jedi and Sith used it to their advantage, to communicate over great distance or draw on each other’s power. It's nothing but a vulnerability between us. We already established we can't control it.” He turned his hands into fists in frustration. “Can’t control it yet."

She nodded brushing aside his condescending tone. Did he think she didn’t want to stop this? Rey felt sure she had made her feelings clear many times. 

"You think you have the answer?” 

"I do. I believe if we regularly sought to connect using our force bond then maybe the unpredictable meetings may stop. It means we would have to learn to seek each other and to answer. To allow each other at least minimal access through the force.” Ren took a deeper breath. “I don’t think it will work unless we both try.”

Rey felt very unsure. Letting Ren into her meant pain and he could very easily turn on her. He was as trustworthy as a Hutt. It would mean she would have to have faith and she had no faith left for Kylo Ren. He had killed his own unarmed father as well as many other innocent people and ordered the deaths of her, his mother and all her friends. 

Rey looked at his hands resting on the table turning the idea around in her mind. She felt a tendril of his thoughts, seeing he was just as unsure as she was. His errant feelings skittered away from her yanked behind his walls. 

He would have to let her inside him also. Interesting.

"At a set time each day we must call to each other with the force and we must both answer." He urged her.

"I can't let you in," she replied frowning. "You're… not," she paused. "If I do this it would betray everyone. You would see where I am."

"We would have rules." He countered. He’d obviously prepared for her arguments because he rattled off a list. "We swear we only use the force bond to contact each other once a day. We don't talk about politics, or people we may or may not know. We don't harm each other and I will obey these rules. Rey, I ask you to consider this experiment. Once we can control the bond we can learn how to stop it."

Straightening her dress, smothering a crease along her leg Rey considered the argument. Why couldn’t the universe just let her be her and him be him? Scuffing the floor she let herself feel again the space of the force warm on her toes. What the fucking dick face said could work. She could always throw something heavy at him. 

"How should we try contacting each other?" Rey asked.

"Pick something, a picture or symbol that you associate with me. Obviously choose something you have to go out of your way to think about, not anything you see, or think of, frequently. Reach out with your bond focusing on the object. I will do the same. We both have to reach out to each other at the same time."

She tapped the table with her fingertips thinking, remembering their moment by a fire on the island at Ahch-To. Rey knew what her symbol would be. Then she had seen Kylo Ren’s future. Not a solid scene of Ben Solo frolicking in a field of flowers surrounded by family and friends, but it had been an absolute knowing, a thunderbolt in her soul that if he turned back to the light his anger would stop. 

That he would live long in the light and flourish and be happy. Rey liked to believe if she could still influence him to turn to the light, even after all the setbacks. Wasn't it worth trying? 

In controlling the force bond, she could plan her days without worry of interruption. No more shower scenes or excruciating embarrassing bedroom surprises. No more waiting and watching only to see his black draped figure dismissing her or tormenting her depending on his whim. 

The restoration of the Falcon could go on forever but it was time to move on. General Organa was hoping Rey could search for more potential Jedi and had asked if Finn could teach the Resistance more about stormtroopers. Rey couldn’t stay in a backwater Corellian mechanic shop forever, even if she loved the work, there was a whole universe of beings needing help. She knew what had to be done.

"It is worth experimenting, I agree to the terms, but if you try to hurt me, or my friends, I will hunt you down and all the First Order guns in the galaxy won’t stop me." 

Kylo Ren stiffened again at her threat looking like he already regretted his decision, but he nodded silently.

Rey suddenly reached out and put her hands over Ren’s. It made him twitch to feel her skin, and Rey half smiled at his surprise. She moved his fingers so their palms were together mirroring their last touch connection on Ach-To. Touching him made her chest tense and shallow like seeing a salvage part she knew was worth a week’s worth of rations.

"I will focus on seeing your hand at this time every day," she said studying each nail and crease. Noting the width, length, marks and tiny scars. 

He twisted momentarily then she felt him invite her into his mind, just slightly like breathing the same breath, or watching a leaf uncurl they were knowing the same emotion. He was feeling relief that she was accepting his proposal. 

Kylo Ren was showing her a blue dress. It was her dress the one she was wearing. Through the bond he showed her the hem, a pattern like a square ‘S’ was stitched into the fabric. This pattern in this blue was his symbol.

Rey took care not to look any further into Ren, but he was projecting the pattern so strongly she would have struggled to slip past if she had been trying. He was on edge ready to snuff her out in an instant.

Opening up herself Rey let him taste inside her force. She tried to focus on his hand while gripping him a little tighter. His fingers curled over her own and she felt them coldly pressing, the contact making her mouth feel dry. He was eagerly filling her with his power and he felt so much stronger. Rey wanted to stop, she was too open. The memory of the pain she’d felt through the bond in the past made her struggle to focus, both on her own image and on reaching out to him.

"Calm." he projected into her, but it was like a roar in her ears. Ren put his other hand under hers steadying and encouraging her attention back to his hand. Rey knew he could have forced her to calm, but he hadn't, instead of a command it had been a suggestion. 

Kylo Ren tensely tugged at her hand his fingers smoothing over the lines on her palm. She could sense his frustration as her flickering, startled emotions touched him.

"Calm." He gently projected again, this time she could dial him down from a waterfall to a rain shower.

She became so engrossed in the force bond that Rey almost jumped out of her skin when she heard a grinding crash above her.

Looking up the gears of the roof clanked as the morning sunshine disappeared, Rey turned around to see who had pressed the button to close the roof. 

Finn looked at her and he did a double take. "Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Rey looked back at the table. Kylo Ren was gone from sight and from inside her. Her hand was empty. Instead the shadow of the closing ceiling caressed her fingertips.

"I... Finn, can I talk to you?" She went over to the work benches and storage area.

"Yeah, what's up Rey, you okay?" He repeated. "Wait I made breakfast for us." Finn passed her a fat mug of reheated rice and stew left over from last night's dinner. He also had a bowl of the purple and white jogan fruit he knew she liked to share also. Rey realised she was starving and gratefully took the food. 

Rey tried to control her shaking limbs as they leaned on the bench to eat.

“I'm not okay." Rey confided rubbing her face.

Finn looked at her with his big brown eyes encouraging her to open up.

How could she tell Finn she was putting everything they were working on at risk of attack? Rey knew his biggest fear was being returned to the First Order to be tortured and reprogrammed. She couldn't let him know about the force bond. She had to get it under control first. 

Maybe she had to be alone for a while as much as it hurt her to admit. So nobody else could become a target.

The hand that only just finished holding his enemy now touched Finn’s arm. She felt like a traitor. 

"I know the General wants us back but, I have to leave, to study. I think I have to go alone."

Finn sucked air in and tried to be funny. "I knew you were going to say that. You've been half gone for weeks. It was the bed burning thing wasn't it?"

Rey blushed slightly. Finn only knew half the story, more like a quarter.

"It was the bed burning thing." Rey agreed.

Facing Rey Finn put his hands on her shoulders. "This has all been so big, I get it, it's all blasting, and getting beat up and last minute rescues and sometimes I don't want to sleep because of all the fucked up stuff I've seen. I don't set my bed on fire yet, but I get it. You do what you gotta do. Rose said we'll win this by saving what we love,” he put his hands on her shoulders and smiled at her making her insides flip around like entering light speed. “Go learn to save it." He told her.

Rey felt tears well up. She hugged Finn pressing her head into his chest and brushing her tears on his shirt, smelling his body. The moist hot morning sun was already making their skin overly warm.

He cleared his throat, "but you come back too."

She nodded into his shirt.

"Cause… Chewbacca is going to kill me without you here. I mean it! He will rip off my arms and legs and laugh. I know he laughs at me, he thinks I'm dumber than that porgy thing he pretends to hate."

Finn rested his face on her hair.

Like so much of the drama happening lately this embrace was interrupted by another person. Or wookiee in this case as Chewie came out of the Falcon roaring questions and ready to start work. 

Rey let go of Finn slowly her hand lingering on his chest. He was looking pretty happy with himself. She knew stormtroopers didn't show each other affection. It was probably rare for him to be so close with someone, and it was rare for Rey too, it wasn’t like there was anyone on Jakku worth embracing. She packed the memory of Finn’s hug away to cherish.

When Chewie joined them she explained to them both her plan to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No sexy times, but bit of a set up for future fun. This chapter dedicated to summer. Baby it's hot where I am, wish you were here friend reader.


	4. Chapter 4

All weapons and racks apart from his saber had been removed. The gray and black box of a room felt even more monochrome without the various blasters, extra helmets and other black and chrome military equipment. Kylo Ren hadn’t realised that the guns had been a highlight of his room. 

He wasn't going to take the chance of having them in range if the experiment with the Force bond worked, even if they couldn’t see where each other were. 

All that was left was his large desk, one chair (looking like it had suffered a life of repeated repairs) two doorways, to the corridor and bedroom, and an extravagant window that took up an entire wall when the screen was open. Kylo Ren almost always kept the screen closed.

Wondering what Rey would think of his living area Ren felt she would be underwhelmed. She’d seen First Order ships before, although mostly from cells. None of it was built for comfort. Kylo Ren resisted the urge to throw his chair and instead sat in it pretending to be indifferent while flicking through messages on his new comm screen. At least he could be alone here.

He thought about when he had seen her home in the collapsed, half buried At-At on Jakku, he had gone there himself a few days after the battle on Crait and seen her rubbish belongings. How could someone so alive with the Force have begun in such isolation? Kylo Ren had taken her dried and crumbling desert flowers from next to where she had slept and kept them next to own bed, until they had blown up on the Supremacy. 

He pushed away the thought of desert flowers and again felt a petty anger that his guns had to be removed from his room. It was safer to feel anger towards Rey.

Now why did he think that?

Supreme Leader Snoke had damaged his mind. All his thoughts, no matter how measured turned to the dark side like a magnet.

Anyway, the time that she had set to make contact was also making him hate her. She had to choose the fucking middle of his sleep cycle. It would mean staying up late and he found it hard to get time to sleep as it is.

It was a few hours until the meeting, Ren couldn't work. 

He showered standing under the cold water staring like he was mesmerized at the wall, his muscles tense, his hands staying above his waist. Stepping out he put on his pants, he was half changed into the same outfit he had worn last time they had bonded leaving the jacket and shirt on a hanger for when he needed it. 

Ren had spent a long time the previous night meditating and focusing on finding Rey's Force, that it had at least felt like it worked gave him hope that tonight’s Force bond experiment would be successful. 

He wanted everything to be the same as the last meeting. When she touched him.

Lying down on his hard bed to wait, Ren decided he would move to his desk when it was time to start. A sigh escaped him. No, it was more of a huff. The cold kept him awake, but he couldn’t sleep if he tried. Thoughts of Rey swirled like music.

Resting his hands behind his head he thought of what success in the Force bond experiment would bring. Maybe only seconds of bonding a night would be needed? Maybe she would talk to him. She could ask him more questions and he could choose to answer. Her hand had felt warm; she had looked like she had been bathing in light, somewhere healthy and planet side. Would Rey hold him hand each time? She was such a baby in the Force, she still needed to use her senses to feel it all, touching and talking.

He would make sure she wouldn’t learn any more from him, that generous offer was long since withdrawn. Ren would tell Rey she had to hold his hands every time. Every time he’d make her do it. Her little fingers cupped between his large ones. He knew where her hands had been. Fucked herself till she came with her knuckles pressed against her pretty cunt. He lifted his own hands to his face and smelt them for the one hundredth time that day hoping to scent her touch.

And that dress. Where did she get that blue dress? It was so short, revealing. Different to the sensible, Jedi-slash-librarian type of clothes she normally wore. He could see her knees and her perfect thighs. He imagined himself kneeling in front of her while she wore that dress, pushing the little S embroidered hem up towards her hips.

Brushing his wet hair off his face he turned over to check the time.

She was there. In his bed. In her bed. Her eyes opened and he could tell she was having the same thought he was. They were in bed together.

She squinted her eyes at him. He frowned. Timidly stretching his Force inside her he saw she was thinking about his hands.

"It's not time yet, we set the time so this sort of thing doesn't happen."

"You are thinking about my dress." She countered.

They lay in awkward silence.

"It worked," she added. "You figured it out."

This made him oddly happy. He wondered how much she could see in the dark. He saw her like the reflected glow from a comm screen, dark in the shadows but light picking out her features.

He was tempted use the Force to see more about why she had been thinking about his hands. Had she been practicing using the bond? Or thinking of him touching her? His hands tense at the thought. 

He could try to slip past and check her memories without her noticing? Although he remembered his thoughts before she had appeared and had a slight internal panic thinking that Rey was trying to feel inside him. Maybe she was seeing his dirty memories of her masturbating, or worse, he’d imagined much, much worse since he first met her. 

Better to stick with the rules till he could work out how to safely break them.

The happy feeling of correctly working out a way to activate the Force bond quickly melts away instead the unstoppable anger rises. Reminding Ren that he can’t take what he wants, that she would never be his and that Rey (not him, it couldn’t be him, he had better control) had started early. Ren wants to annoy her. Pulling her hand away from where it rests in front of her pretty face he holds it between them.

She looks a little alarmed but doesn’t pull away. They stay facing each other, waiting for the other to move.

"We should do the same thing in every meeting since it worked.” Rubbing his thumbs into her palms she curled her fingers around his and yawned while squeezing.

Her hooded, sleepy eyes closed and she sighed lashes fluttering. Her hair was loose and mussed, fanned around her head in a hypnotic tangle. Ren resisted pushing away the strands curling on her cheek. 

“And try to be on time." Ren informs her.

"I suppose the Supreme Leader has a lot of better things he should be doing, or blowing up." Rey quipped. 

"No politics." Ren answered between grinding teeth.

She was so fucking annoying, lying there so close he could just see her freckles like stars on her skin, the curve of her neck, the way her dress had fallen off her shoulder to the neckline guiding his eye to her breasts all pushed forward from lying on her side. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Could Rey tell he had a massive erection? If he looked, she would look, better keep his eyes neutral, back up to her face, he settled on staring back at her hair. Looking at her hair couldn't cause any offence.

She was looking furtively at his shoulder, or neck maybe?

Fuck she was beautiful. He could admit that, she was gorgeous and hot, literally hot, her skin had a sheen of summer even in the dark. He tried not to want to be where ever she was. If Ren was really with Rey, he wouldn’t be just holding hands right now, he’d be cock deep in… stop it, stop thinking. 

"You were going to do this naked?" Rey asked him lifting an eyebrow.

“Do wha-“ He could bite out his tongue, she meant the Force bond experiment. Wasn’t it fucking obvious he was not completely dressed as it had all happened too early. She was so stupid, not worth answering. She was always ruining everything.

Smiling, mocking him.

"Do you think the time I saw you cumming was because you were thinking about me?" Ren nastily watched her face to see her reaction. If she was going to tease he could tease.

She drew her eyebrows together in a frown and tried to pull her hands away but he held them roughly tight. In the struggle her hands brushed against his chest making her gasp. 

"Don't talk about that." Rey snapped.

He could feel her pulling the bond away from inside of each other. Ren desperately didn't want her to leave.

He pressed her palm against his chest.

"I won't mention it again." He tried to make his tone flippant.

Rey pushed an image of her kneeling him in the cock into the flow of their bond. He winced and shoved their hands back to the position between them.

"We won't harm each other." He snapped. "Don't forget I could easily crush you at any time so if I were you I wouldn't go breaking the rules."

So much for calming the situation, she withdrew from inside him and Rey dissipated like a light turning off leaving just a faint scar of glow before he was completely alone.

There would be no sleep now. He would really have to kill someone now to calm this rage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think so far? This chapter is dedicated to the Reylo stories Lemon-Hot Summer by IshaRen & pr3tty_g1rl5 who make me laugh at the most inappropriate times and Capture the Flag Can be Sexy (and other lessons) by HyenaHunny who taught me the word "bangover".


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension becomes too much to bear...

Crude and ancient with a fat stomach, large breasts, oversized nipples and missing arms and legs a small, brown pottery goddess crouched in the center of a round bedroom window over Rey’s new bed. Finn had found it in the forest and given it to Rey to replace the advertising poster in her room on the Millennium Falcon.

"I know you like that poster in your room you kinky freak, so don't want you getting lonely." He pressed her into her hand before getting embarrassed and laughing. They had both erupted with laughter. What was she going to do without Finn?

Rey was staying in the little Correllian town called Yerra nearest to the remote industrial area where the repair hanger was. She had jimmied together a speeder using spare parts, quickly found a room to rent in return for some fruit picking work, and had managed to keep her exact location secret from everyone. It felt safer that way. 

Finn and Chewie had made her promise they could meet up with her at the hanger and check on her up in thirty days. She also had an emergency evacuate code and her bracelet that could let her find General Organa anywhere. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. If things went sour Rey felt confident she could handle herself.

Rey liked her low roofed new room, it was small and rustic, with walls that looked like they had seen better and cleaner days but the door locked and the landlady was discrete. 

Her shift climbing trees, picking and bundling the pale, mauve, local breed of jogan fruit bunches was in the afternoon from lunch till late evening. Used to climbing to scavenge parts, Rey was already good at her work. She had given her new employer the name Rachael to try and stop any hint of her whereabouts leaking out. Rey knew there was a large First Order bounty out for her capture. It would be flattering if it hadn’t been ordered by that insufferable fuckwit Kylo Ren.

The mornings were spent studying historical Jedi texts on her holopad or reading the books she had borrowed from Ahch-To, and walking around the small town practicing using Force suggestion to politely ask people not to see her. 

Already her favorite group to practice on was a squad of ten bored stormtrooper militia posted to the town who mostly checked cargo ships, shot at wildlife and reminded business people to support the First Order. She enjoyed secretly teasing the officers with her suggestions. Her favorite prank, so far, was making one gruff stormtrooper guard an oil barrel for an entire shift while holding a small potted plant. The children in the area had loved it.

After a few days of refusing to contact Kylo Ren Rey sat down cross legged on her bed - at strictly the correct time - and pictured his hands while opening herself to his Force. This was what she had come here to do after all and even after how rancid he had been she was frustratingly pulled towards another meeting. Rey’s mind couldn't stop thinking about him and if she didn't try a controlled Force bond she knew he would be popping in at an inconvenient time and she really didn’t want him to appear below her while half way up a tree.

Kylo Ren was there in an instant. He looked terrible. The skin under his eyes looked grey and his whole aura was one of sleepless irritability. Rey waited for him to start needling and nagging her for not practicing the bonding, but he was sullen and morose.

She silently reached out and he took her hand. Ren sat opposite Rey on the bed crossing his legs to mirror her. Their knees briefly touched and his long hair fell forward covering his face.

Rey's blue dress rode up seated with legs crossed. She had pushed the fabric between her legs to hide between her brief underwear, but she felt vulnerable with so little covering her body. Why had she agreed to wear the same thing each meeting?

"I have been researching Force bonds." She told him quietly.

"Tell me what you have found." 

Rey talked about a bond she had read about between two wise Jedi long ago. They had written about their experiences together. Kylo Ren seemed to know the story as he added details as she spoke. It was a legend full of happiness and hope. When Rey finished she felt happy too, the story had been uplifting and joyful. How sweet to never be alone.

"And yet they didn't write down how to control their bond, so it is a nice fairy tale, but no use to us." Kylo Ren finished.

"Learn more, tell me what you find." He told her and withdrew his hand. Their bond wavered and both let it go like a feather falling in a soft breeze.

Rey sat for a while, head tilted, thinking. Why did she pick mornings for their meetings? The whole day alone stretched out ahead of her.

Although she didn’t want to see him again, of course, she wanted him gone from her head. 

Was he getting enough sleep? Was something wrong? 

Rey walked to her goddess statue and patted the tiny lady with a finger. Kylo Ren had seemed so, so normal. Kind of, in a brooding, barely tolerating her presence kind of way.

Once he had said she was beautiful. Rey was certain it had been some sort of mind game. She tried not to believe there was some light left in him. It gave her hope to think he might turn back and the hope always turned to disappointment.

The hot day dragged, Rey walked the shop fronts and felt lonely. She made conversation with a girl who was painting a chair red in the street. She considered getting a haircut staring at some awesome looking barber shop displays and with the Force suggested a pair of patrolling stormtroopers to take a walk around the block holding hands. 

Rey pondered other things she had learnt about Force bonds as she climbed trees and hauled sacks in the afternoon. What would be worth telling Ren? She read more, she walked and she worked but nothing seemed to satisfy her. She truly felt like the ‘nothing’ that Kylo Ren had told her she was.

That night Rey felt extra sticky and her sudden emptiness of emotions made it hard to sleep. 

Somewhere a baby cried. 

Taking off her sweat stained dress she dropped it on the floor and opening the little bedroom window peeping out. It was very late and the galaxy sparkled in the blackness of the moonless night. Her naked skin caught a breeze and the hairs on her body danced in pleasure. Leaning forward she rested both forearms on the window ledge, kneeling sleepily on the bed. Her nipples just brushed the wall under the window. The goddess stared up at her swollen and reverent looking.

As the night grew into a orchestra of insects and far away engines Rey rested her head on her folded hands and yawned, moving her knees further apart in her twisted sheets and stretching out her hips. She wondered if Kylo Ren was out there in the patch of space she watched. Probably getting ready for their meeting by listing all the things he hated.

1\. The rebels  
2\. His parents  
3\. Errant stormtroopers holding hands  
4\. Seeing scavenger scum every night...

A clear, sharp coughing sound like a strangled moan came from behind her. 

Fuck. 

Rey whipped around to see Kylo Ren standing with his broad, white back to her and the bed. He was wearing a towel, a fucking towel.

Falling back into bed and frantically wrapping her sheet around her burning-hot-with-shame body she refused to look at him. She shut her eyes tight and demanded he stay facing away.

"You called to me - again." He shot back.

"I called you? You were just thinking about…" Rey paused. He had been thinking about her sitting on his lap. 

In his mind she could see herself facing away from him, her blue dress pushed up. His hands were touching her pussy, fingering her cunt while he roughly kissed her blushing neck. Rey’s feet were on his knees as he played with her wet folds. 

She clenched her fists and swallowed. Eyes glazed.

"I was thinking about you more as a whole." Ren filled in. "We should have picked less personal symbols.”

"Is it too late to change?"

"We'd just have twice as many things we're not allowed to think about. And don't you turn around. "

Rey heard him dressing.

"You seemed to have an objection to doing this naked so why are you not dressing?” He asked sarcastically.

Feeling the fool she pointed out he was standing on her dress. He couldn't pick it up for her because he couldn't see it when it wasn't touching her, but he didn't step off it either. Ren turned around at the same time she looked up at his face.

Still shirtless he looked so well-toned, pale skin in the starlight, the scar from Chewbacca’s bow caster like peach lightning striking over his stomach. His hair was wet making his ears stick out. She felt her lips involuntarily part, she must be over tired.

Ren sat on his/her bed cross legged in front of her, still blocking access to her clothes. 

“Let’s just get on with it,” he suggested.

She could do this. He meant nothing, just a lesson she had to learn.

Moving into position and keeping the sheet covering everything nicely was a struggle Rey thought she had mastered until he took not one, but both her hands in his. Trying to push the idea that the sheet would collapse without more support into his mind, seemed to curve uselessly past his walls. 

Rey tried to breathe without moving. If she gathered her Force energy to move the slipping sheet would he think she was on the brink of attacking him?

"What else have you found out about bonds?" He asked.

Rey couldn't think past the erotic scene she had plucked from his mind. It had looked so unbearably good. She felt thirsty, why was her throat so dry?

"Calm." He channeled. She felt a twinge of his pleasure at seeing her muddled.

She redoubled her effort to focus. “I should dress.”

"Maybe I should tell you what I've learned?"

But he didn't seem keen to talk either. Instead there was silence and both of them waited for gravity to finish with Rey’s sheet. Her cheeks burning hotter for every millimeter it slipped and Kylo Ren holding her hands so tight she knew he wouldn't let her adjust it.

He laced his fingers into hers, their palms touching. Rey demurely closed her eyes and turned a little to the side, before finding her strength and turning back to look up into his eyes. They stared at each other hands locked.

She had to keep leaning forward to try and keep her sheeting balanced over her chest. As she slid closer to his face she could see his eye lashes, the pores in his skin, the shape of his lips. Their faces were almost touching as the sheet fell, flopping uselessly, twisting away leaving her gasping. Their Force bond sung, blasting through their chests like a supernova as Ren pressed her into a kiss. 

Rey could feel him shaking as he roughly kissed her and felt his pent up, violent passion. He let go of her hands and cupped her face almost pulling her over in his eagerness. Ren was dominating, pressing her in both mind and body. Falling into him felt suffocating, but it also felt so good.

As he attacked her mouth she probed the tip of her tongue into his lips. This was kissing! She felt her knees go weak and wrapped her arms around his neck steadying herself. Touching him made his Force inside her roar harder, it felt like a hunger she needed to gorge on. It burned her up blinding Rey to everything except their desperate mouths. Pressing her body against his her breasts rubbing against his chest Rey moaned as he entrapped her body pulling her onto his lap.

Kylo Ren moved his hands firmly down her body to the part of the sheet still tangled around Rey's waist, pulling it off it ripped noisily leaving her breathless. She slid her cunt along his leg, enjoying the friction of his pants on her wet pussy lips. This seemed to unhinge Ren and he moaned as she used him. 

Pushing her body into the bed Ren sunk his hips between her parted legs, pinning her smaller frame with ease. 

Tilting her pelvis Rey felt the fabric of his pants stretched over his hard cock on her pussy. She wiggled her hips trying to return to the scratchy, hard thrusting. He was making sure to hold her down, moving his hands all over her skin but preferring to pin her wrists and dry fuck her.

When she thought she was going to cum on his pants she was so fucking stimulated Ren broke away and stripped. He was breathing heavily, eyes dark and focused like he had just been in a fight. Leaning back into her he kissed her neck sucking roughly on her skin. His wet hair covered her eyes. She was on fire with his lightning like Force. His hard cock head, slick with pre-cum brushed against her. The touch was like an electric shock. 

She wriggled trying to get his dick to press into her. Squirming under his pinning hand Rey wriggled one of her own free. Tracing his side with her fingertips she felt him stiffen as she reached for his cock.

“Rey…” he gasped into her mouth.

She wrapped her hand slowly around his dick shaft. It felt amazing, hard but fleshy. She swiped a thumb over the head then guided him closer to her tingling, wet hole. They both twitched as they touched. She measured his member, stroking its length. Fuck he was so. He was so -

It's too big. She thought pulling back just a fraction, feeling suddenly unprepared.

The shared thought slowed Ren but he still gently pressed the tip of his dick into her. She felt a little pain as he entered inside but then he stopped. He was wildly staring at her, sweat sheened and strained his scar looked red on his cheek.

"Is this what you want?" He asked.

"What?"

"Is this what you want?" He repeated their eyes met.

Rey wondered if she had a choice at this point. The reality of what was happening flooded her.

"I..."

Then she was alone. Gasping splay legged and still smelling him, feeling the sandpaper of his stubble on her ear.

"No," she gasped sitting. "No, no, no. Think of hands. Think of his hands." Rey moaned and lay back down. The connection was gone. She buried her head in her pillow and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dark. If you're struggling with big feelings right now around sadness/suicide, maybe skip this one and read the notes at the end. In this chapter Ren has many issues with acceptance, trauma and trust.

Shattering apart from the failed attempt at love making Kylo Ren laid face down clutching his bed and wishing he was as dead as his force connection now was with Rey. His mind started twisting everything and the darkness and loneliness fed his doubts; his emotions tumbling wildly. 

He had tried picturing her blue dress and nothing. Wouldn’t Rey have reached out if she wanted to see him? He knew Rey was blocking him. Seeing her naked again he had wanted to fuck her so bad, and he had nearly... she hadn’t really wanted to be with him. 

He was a monster. A fucking monster. Rey didn't like him. She had told him before. This had been a lie, a trick. She wanted to seduce him, to make him break the rules. 

He sat and angrily pulled his saber to his hand; it lit up the room red, he could see his skin looking twisted in the glow. He would never be at peace, never be able to control the bond. One of them would have to die to break free. The jagged lightsaber crackled as he held the beam close the scar on his face. It was so close her could feel the burn. A tear of blood trickled to his chin.

"YOU ARE NOTHING!" Ren yelled throwing it. The saber stuck in the door frame and he let it stay lit buzzing angry. In the redness he saw more red. There was blood in the middle of his bed. Not his own although his soon joined the crimson smear on his sheets. It was her blood.

He had hurt Rey. He had been delusional thinking she had been happy. Lust had made him break her.

Ren went into his living area. Stars he needed sleep, his hands were shaking again. He needed to sleep and tomorrow he would find where she was and make her, NO he would force her to... He would ask her ... He picked up his chair and threw it at the wall.

The First Order provided the finest drugs to keep a soldier awake, asleep; excited, controlled; whatever you wanted or needed to feel. Kylo Ren took a handful, washed them down with a mouthful of liquor and sat on the floor next to his closed window. 

There was a weakness in the clear dura-steel plastic membrane of his window. That was why he never opened the armored screen. 

It was a weakness only he knew about because he had made it. 

It made him depressingly calm to push his force towards the weakness knowing that one day he would open it and get sucked into space.

The drugs were so efficient his vision blurred, tiny drips of blood pattering to the slowing beat of his pulse. His saber fell to the floor in his bedroom. He leaned his head against the smooth screen and thought about kissing. She wasn't so stupid to get aroused over kissing.

It... was... it was.

He fell to his knees.

The weakness in the window grew swelling and grinding as his head dropped on the cold, metal floor.

***

The machine in the medic ship went beep. 

It went beep. 

It went beep. 

Beep.

Kylo Ren woke up his body cramping and bones aching. He was surprised that he was not in his room. He had taken a lot of drugs over the past few years with the First Order, but how many had he taken this time?

It went beep.

Why hadn't General Hux or one of the other fuckwits under him taken advantage of the situation? Maybe they had? Did someone find him naked? 

It went beep-boop. 

Was that machine necessary? Wires trailing over his body to glowing screens wobbled as he propped himself up slowly.

"How long have I been out?" Ren asked out loud.

A stormtrooper guard nervously stepped into view, "Three days Supreme Leader."

“Beep.” Added the machine.

He was shocked he was still in charge. 

The doctors, alerted to his consciousness bustled in. They described his overdose as 'exhaustion'. Kylo Ren noted each doctor’s name and rank and made a mental memo to kill them all for seeing him so weak.

They urged him to stay in bed. He stayed only because he knew he would collapse if he stood. 

"Get rid of this machine." Ren petulantly motioned to the offending beeping medical droid. "And bring me my uniform." 

Luckily for the Supreme Leader General Hux was far away supervising of establishing an auxiliary arsenal. Kylo Ren’s secretaries had kept the First Order running reasonably smoothly in his absence and his guards had kept him from physical harm. Although, Ren now had a 320 page list of new commands General Hux had rapidly issued, on hearing of the Supreme Leader’s illness, to review.

By the time Kylo Ren returned to his room it had been cleaned and repaired. His light saber was still lying in the door way. It had melted the floor making it stick. 

Staring at the metal hilt as he sat in his chair Ren felt empty. He was wearing his helmet so his face would be unreadable. He felt like he had aged a million years, broken of feelings so not even the rage was left to support him.

After a long time Ren used the force to search for any spy devices and found six. Three more than last time he had had people inside his living area unattended. They were quick to remove. He handed them to a stormtrooper and ordered all staff who had accessed his room while he was away to be reprogrammed. 

Back to business that’s what he needed to do. The force bond was nothing but a fatal distraction. Fuck that. 

The Supreme Leader spent the afternoon deleting all his messages that wished him a speedy recovery without reading them. He agreed, in a long conference call; to General Hux’s campaign to increase weapon supplies through overrunning and capturing munitions factories in the outer rim, killing anyone who opposed them. 

Even hearing the insufferable General’s fake care about the Supreme Leader’s health still didn’t make him feel anything though. He was blank and empty.

Ordering his Command Shuttle Ren flew like he was possessed, feeling the darkness of space passing him by. He punched into hyperspace and turned off the engines in the middle of nowhere until the lack of recycled air inside his weakened body nearly made him pass out. He focused on a star, a distant sun as it flickered and pulsed.

Supreme Leader Snoke had always told him he was weak. That his downfall would be his want for contact, for understanding, for someone, for family. Emotions. His black gloved hand creaked as it tightened on a controller.

“Let the past die,” he murmured.

Then he felt the anger. 

There is was. He turned on the engines and returned to Rescindere.

Ren did not think of... her when he returned. He was ruthless. He mentally put every one of his errant emotions in a box and dropped them into an imagined trash compactor. He let her go, he let the past die. Didn’t he give that advise to someone else? 

Days went by, and then a week and then two. Rebels pirated one of his emissary ships. He had them all blown up, including his own ship. They had sent out a plea for mercy, but he had none.

General Hux started to be more pleasant. Kylo Ren would agree with his ideas without question. More slaves? Why not? More chemical weapon research? Sure. No more negotiating with anyone. Anyone suspected of being a rebel shot on sight.

Ren felt stronger. He left his gloves on even to sleep. He took medically measured drugs that gave him an exact amount of dreamless sleep. 

Still the power of the force bond broke through even to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This short chapter was about a emotional Kylo Ren not being able to contact Rey through the force bond and convincing himself that he had hurt her in their first attempt at sex. He decides his best outcome is to re-visit the phrase "let the past die" and concentrate on being Supreme Leader of the First Order. It ends with Rey contacting him through their bond.
> 
> The song Stitches by Shawn Mendes was my inspiration for this chapter. So shout out to Mr. Mendes. What's your Reylo song?


	7. Chapter 7

At last she had crept through his force walls! Rey had twisted through the cracks with the image of his outstretched hand burning in her soul. Only to see Kylo Ren wearing that inhuman mask again, the cold metal deflecting the outside world. 

Dirty and broken Rey was crouching in a crumbling chasm she had ripped into the ground; trying to center herself after everything she had been through in the past few hours. She could feel her face was bruised, her ears were ringing and one arm felt wrong. It looked wrong too, but she tried not to focus on it. It was her saber arm, broken between wrist and elbow covered in dirt clotted blood. The pain was causing her to tremble and waver her blaster bobbing. She was close, so close to passing out. 

Blocking the gaps in his walls, denying her the force bond Kylo Ren turned away from Rey.

"Leave." Ren ordered her, his voice transmitting grainy and dismissive.

"Thank stars I got to you. Ren you... "

"Leave," he said again roughly thrusting back at her desperate force pressing against his walls. He felt her flinch away.

"Why? What did I do? Where have you been? I thought you had been hurt." He could hear the tears in her voice "Ren?"

If he had never looked at her again the future of the universe would have been entirely different, but he turned to Rey at the sound of her lips speaking his name.

She could sense him drawing away although his back uniformed body never moved. "I need you," it was barely a whisper, her voice breaking, sobbing, "and for whatever reason you have left me, if you hate me, I don’t know why but help me now."

Unmoved he snarled, "What do you want?" 

Her eyes moved to his black gloved hands but still he didn't move to help her. 

"They... you…” Rey steadied herself. Fuck him and his games. This was a mistake, but this had been the choice she made; to contact Ren first instead of the Resistance. Foolish Jedi.

“The First Order just sent a slaver ship here. The whole town is getting taken. I made the local troop of stormtroopers protect the people, but I only have - had ten. I can't rescue everyone, and there are children being taken. Just babies.” The memory of the flame throwers pointed at screaming mothers made her choke. “Ren, tell your troops to let the people go. They are farmers."

He still stared at her. She felt his conflict.

“PLEASE REN!” Rey yelled at him.

He put a gloved hand up to his neck, clawing like he was choking, then turned away. He growled, sinking into a rage. “Where are you?” He demanded.

Rey told him she was on Corellia and the coordinates for Yerra. While she talked Ren was moving, hunched away from her, the black creature once more.

“Ren?” One more time she asked. She was seeing dizzy stars.

"Beg." He commanded.

"There isn't... Ren take off that mask."

Swirling towards her he lunged at her broken body pushing her down. She roared in pain as her broken arm slipped, tears leaving rivers on her dusty cheeks.

The Supreme Leader thrust his mask into her face. She could see every scratch on the hard metal. "I said, get back on your knees and beg."

Rey looked up at him with her disappointed face, and felt her heart turn to jagged stone. She dropped her blaster and with eyes flashing drew the force so loudly, so quickly to her that it felt like magnets were sewn under her skin. With a shove, and with more pain Rey snapped their tainted bond.

***  
With the energy she had snatched from Kylo Ren Rey could widen the tiny chasm she was hiding refugees in. The earth shook, vomiting dust as her rage pushed the rock walls apart.

Rolling to her feet Rey walked in the growing dark. 

The huddled forms of refugees filing past her and the hushed wailing of the confused people filled Rey’s senses. They crowded around her looked for leadership. 

With her muscles screamed for relief everything she touched seemed to smear with blood. She knew she had to focus, to set aside the black because that was him, not Rey. So she dropped his dark energy, powerful as it at made her, and went on feeling out the light; stroking it to her aid.

There would be no help from Kylo Ren. For whatever reason he had taken what he wanted and abandoned her. He was never hers to rely on anyway. Hadn't Ren told her she was nothing? Nothing!

He had been the monster all along and now he was stealing people to make his soldiers. She felt the fool for closing her eyes to who he was.

"Keep quiet, keep low." She told the people and they held their weapons ready to fight.

Rey hadn't heard blasters or yelling for a long time. 

A little girl gave her water, holding the canteen for Rey while she drank thirstily. An old woman with shaking hands used a scrap of fabric and some more water to wash Rey's face. 

They were all whispering, "thank you, thank you Rachael, what do we do?" But Rey couldn't think. 

"Calm." She remembered someone telling her once and she sobbed putting her good hand over her swollen eyes.

The stars in the night sky went on doing what stars do, indifferent to the horrors below as hours passed.

Finally, Rey pulled herself together and asked two of the sturdier, calmer girls to try and use Rey's emergency code to call the rebels. Small and dirty the girls, nodded and scrambled off to search the export docks for transmitter equipment. 

Rey was supposed to meet Finn tomorrow at the shipyards. It was thirty days since she’d seen him. He would be close. Why hadn’t she called to him first? Again she cursed her weakness, but “he” – she couldn’t bear to think his name – had kissed her, had held her - Stupid! 

The Yarra girls came back, sliding down the chasm and shining with their triumph and youth. They had sent the signal! It had been easy. The riot control stormtoopers had gone back to their ship. There was more good news too; there were a few more townspeople hiding in a processing shed nearby. 

Rey suggested the refugees join the others and that everyone evacuate to the ship repair hangers outside of the town. The Resistance would help them, and once the Corellian government found out what the First Order had been doing, surely there would be consequences and police sent to protect the town.

Only Rey felt like she might collapse if she stood up. There were two other badly wounded people in the group. Rey offered to watch them hoping people could come back with medical supplies and transport.

In her mind Rey wouldn't blame them for not coming back. They had been through terrible trauma, she tried to wipe the clinging visions of children screaming as they are dragged from arms.

When everyone, except those too injured, had safely gone Rey lay down and let the stones and let the earth press against her cheek. Dust powdered her hair and face. Alone and numb there were no more tears. Finn would be here soon. Good, good Finn and the Resistance. She remembered his last hug and it made her smile through the pain.

The dark was blooming into a grey and pink sunrise. Then she heard it. The sound of boots, the buzz of stormtrooper voices barking orders and the snap of Z6 batons. It was the slavers raiding again, searching for survivors. Rey slowly pushed herself to her feet, flattening her back to the wall of the chasm just as she heard one of the storm troopers say 'check over that ridge'.

The few remaining conscious refugees were filling with fear. Rey could feel their panic.

Slowly she tilted her head from side to side loosening her muscles, her blaster was in her good hand again. 

Let them come.

Lights flickered in the semi-darkness. Torches flaming into the sky like pillars of lava.

"There's people here." A stormtrooper barked.

Rey drew energy. Four First Order riot control batons were pointed down at her as she defiantly snarled at them, the white boots of the troopers kicked down pebbles pelting her as she raised her blaster.

Then a spattering noise that made her falter, the unique sound of a light saber activating. Exhausted, Rey reached out with her last tendril of force to see who it was. She couldn’t tell. Everything was walls, plasma lights and stormtroopers. She was nothing, in nothing with nothing left to lose. 

"Finn!" Rey yelled desperately.

But it wasn't. 

She felt his rage before she saw him, she felt his jealous anger before his three pronged lightsaber’s jagged red glow reflected on the white of the stormtroopers armor making them look like bloody skeletons.

Kylo Ren used a whip of lightning force to roughly call her failing body out of the chasm and held her; balanced and shaking in the air before him. He squeezed until she felt she couldn't breathe. Involuntarily Rey dropped her blaster as she scrambled to break his bondage. 

Pulling her struggling body to him, with his black robes whipping in the energy, they faced each other until they were nearly touching. She could see his gloved hand stretching the force, electrifying pain into her chest.

"FINN." The Supreme Leader repeated icily and Rey mercifully slipped from consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that they are together Ren may be nicer. Maybe. Thanks to everyone everyone who's left kudos and comments. You all rock.


	8. Chapter 8

It was hot on this backwards, stinking settlement. Although he usually liked being planet-side Kylo Ren had no need to stay on Corellia more than absolute necessary. He was relieved to get into the cool recycled air of the First Order resource expedition ship.

The confusion of having the Supreme Leader taking control of the ship was still flustering the officers on board, but they groveled in front of their commander worried they had unknowingly disobeyed commands by resourcing the area. 

On boarding the ship Ren had ordered all slaves to be released and now the corridors were full of troopers marching scared looking people towards the exits. Officers, stormtroopers and civilians all made way, parting like frightened animals for the imposing Supreme Leader. He carried the battered and unconscious Rey to the newly emptied first aid rooms while trying to keep calm. Hearing her call out to the traitor FN-2187 while on the battlefield had made him furious, but he had instantly regretted the violence he’d shown towards his bond mate.

Rey’s head lay against his chest as he carefully brushed her hair off her face. A tightening twitch nagged him under his left eye and the crowds were unsettling, just another fucked up layer to his suppressed anger. 

He had done this damage to Rey, if not him directly then the First Order. The army he commanded. 

The elderly ship surgeon scrambled to set Rey’s arm with the assistance of droids. A nurse sutured cuts and spread bacta gel while a drip hydrated her body and kept Rey asleep. Part of her hair was shaved at the back of Rey’s neck just behind her ear. The surgeon nervously hesitated hovering with his scalpel, then made an incision.

Ren watched the entire process stone faced. He remembered back to the first time he had carried Rey and taken her to Starkiller Base. He could still picture the way her eyebrows had drawn together, angry at him even when unconscious. Ren had watched her chest rise and fall, holding her face against his shoulder. Hoping she would be influenced, turned and used. That had been one of his many, many mistakes, the obsession from the start.

When Rey’s medical procedures were finished the Supreme Leader signaled to one of his secretaries. 

"It's ready Supreme Leader your command shuttle has been loaded." The officer murmured. 

“And the message sent to the Resistance?”

“Successfully blocked sir.”

The First Order resource expedition ship, empty of cargo launched punching through the atmosphere of Corellia and making its way to Rescindere.

Sitting down awkwardly in a tiny waiting room chair Ren studied Rey’s bruised face. He hated seeing her and yet to have her so close in the flesh, not just through the bond flickering away at the force’s whim, but to actually touch her. It made him feel stronger. He was flawed. It was happening again, he felt Rey was making him dependent on their bond. But this time, this time he would keep her close. She would be so close there would be no need of a force bond.

“Get out.” The Supreme Leader orders everyone from the room.

The doctors drop their needles and bow out, his staff the guards all gone, relieved to be free of their commander. He was alone with Rey.

Taking off his helmet Kylo Ren put his head in his hands, running his fingers through his hair. She had called out to another man. Not just any fucking man, but the nothing, useless, traitor stormtrooper. The one she protected, who she fought for. She would never see him again.

He felt Rey was waking up very slowly. Her lashes fluttered, she moved her hurt arm under its sheet. He helped her untangle it and briefly, gently held her hand as she struggled.

"Are you really here?" She slurred. "Where's the baby Ren?"

"You've been hurt.” He replied.

She seemed agitated and tried to sit up.

"It's a dream." Rey reassured herself breathlessly still trying to steady her shaking body.

Ren pressed her tiny frame back into the bed. She held onto his arm weakly. He leaned close to her face drinking in her presence; letting himself give into the softness and sunshine she radiated as he softly kissed her pink cheek. Why was he so weak?

He could smell layers of her skin and hair and disinfectant and blood.

"My heart." She murmured. "Ren is so angry at me Finn, what did I do?"

Kylo Ren didn't know what to say.

"He's nobody, you're better than him. You deserve better."

Ren left her bedside. He ordered the patient to be taken to his personal rooms on the Rescindere attended by female staff and droid only. The bustling returns as staff swoop to carry out orders.

Replacing his helmet Ren turns to the First Order surgeon before he leaves. "Are you sure?" The Supreme Leader asks.

"The implant is in place, but I've never had to do such a thing before. Resource exploration ships are usually just for, uh, transport. Supreme Leader, I can't guarantee it will work. However I followed the install instructions provided perfectly," the surgeon grew uncomfortable under the steal gaze of the mask. "I am pleased our patient woke up."

"Lucky for you she did."

***

His room seemed ever more depressingly sparse in the light. Kylo Ren purposely kept his living areas dim lit but as soon as Rey had recovered enough to move around she had flown into a frenzied wrath; switching on every light on in every recess she could find.

"What's this?" She snarled at Ren, pointing to a thin door.

"My closet."

She opened it and switched on another light inside.

"Can I move now?" Ren asked deathly calm under the circumstances. 

Rey had him pinned to his chair with her force. He hadn't been able to break free from her force chains, his limbs were squeezed like he was in a vice, but at least she had stopped choking him. The feeling of gasping for breath had been unsettling, reminding him of lessons, long suppressed, with Supreme Leader Snoke. 

It had been a mistake bringing Rey on board. Sweat pooled over his face as he strained to break free. He had hoped she would forget their unfortunate force bond meeting, where he had treated her so poorly before her capture on Corellia, but it was clear she hadn’t. And she wasn’t about to let him forget either.

"And this?" She pointed to another door.

"Open it yourself."

She yanked on the door and the light came on in his fresher. He could hear her throwing things, smashing objects against the walls.

Rey stalked back into the living area. She spun his chair around using the force and dragged it behind her the four legs scraping along the floor noisily.

She pointed at the window, its blind as always closed.

"Don't open that." Ren snapped. "It's the window, but it has a fault. It's dangerous."

Her hand hovered over the release button.

Ren pushed a picture of the fault towards her, the plastic warped and cracking. She must have sensed something as she slowly lowered her hand. Instead she walked to face him, her eyes slits of anger.

“I hate you!” She spat at him. 

Rey roughly spun the chair again so he was facing his desk containing his comm unit and holo screen.

"Tell the ship to crash into the nearest sun."

Ren knew Rey could make him do it if she really tried. Her power had only grown since the last time they had fought together. She could tell him to stop his heart and he’d obey.

He sighed. "This is not going how I thought it would." 

This comment seemed to affect Rey. She left him pinned and trapped in the chair under the blaring lights and went back into his bedroom muttering. Ren heard the familiar shuffle of a body sprawling on his bed. If he leaned forward he could see her bare feet sticking over the mattress. She was face down. Her force chain didn't waiver for a second around his body. He felt oddly impressed at Rey’s power, even out of the room she could continue to keep him imprisoned. 

"Why didn't you come back?" She mumbled fiercely. It sounded like she was muffled in his sheets.

Kylo Ren stopped trying to fight her and sat still. It was hard to explain, no it was hard to say it.

"It's never going to... I can't. If I had kept bonding with you I would have hurt you more. I don't want that for you."

She huffed, her voice growing louder with every word. "What about me? I don't get a choice? It’s my bond too Ren, do you even understand that you selfish moron? You chose the silent, noble, save the girl part, while I get no choice. No goodbye. You made me feel used. AND THEN you send fucking slavers to capture me?”

"It was a complete coincidence that that resource ship turned up where you were," he points out.

This comment really makes her angry; he could hear her screaming into a pillow. 

The whole situation was like reenacting one of the many fights his parents used to have. Ren couldn't stop needling her, even when he knew better. Why did he have to have the last word just like his... Ren swallowed ready for the next round.

He didn’t have long to wait as Rey stomped back in front of him, her face the picture of utter contempt, she slapped his cheek hard and his scar burns. He could see her wince from the pain and she hadn’t even used her newly fixed arm.

He felt the ooze of blood in his mouth but the skin-on-skin touch filled with Rey’s screwed up rage was like an electric shock to his body, his numb limbs could move again. The anger was feeding her dark side. 

The Supreme Leader knows how to harness the power of the dark side.

He grabbed her wrists, his gloved hands covering hers. Their bodies pressed together as he leaned towards her light drawing it back to the surface.

"Calm." Ren whispered above her ear as he held her. The presence of her actually in the flesh, in his room gave him a sliver of hope. If they could come this far, if she could accept that he was stronger in the dark force. That they could work together. Then maybe there was still something salvageable within their bond.

“Fuck off Ren, I’m tired of your games.”

“I’m sorry I left you. Rey I know. I won’t leave you again.”

Tears ran down her cheek as her head sagged, she twisted half-heartedly trying to break free. She was leaning into him, her face a warm glow on his chest. He felt her submit. No, not submit. It was a cease fire. He let her wrists go and held her, putting his arms around Rey’s shoulders and waist. Holding her like he had always dreamed of ever since she had first told him to take off his mask. He wiped her tears, kissing them away, suddenly tender as he held her quivering and defiant.

He felt no satisfaction at her distress.

Ren gently picked Rey up and carried her to him bed. She was so small, yet with so much power. He tried to convince himself that the lie he had just told her was for her own good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bed you say?


	9. Chapter 9

Lying alone in Kylo Ren's bed Rey’s eyelashes feel sticky, her head is fuzzy and her arm aches her body is curled into a fragile little ball in the middle of his bed. She gently touches her face; the bruises don’t feel as tender as they did before she slept.

A noise somewhere in the ship causes Rey’s body to tense.

What was she doing? Resting in a rancor den and waiting for the death bite. She needed a plan. Maybe she could take over Kylo Ren and force him to - what? Surrender? Was she stronger? The thought of parading him through his nasty First Order ship, mind blown and controlled made her smile. Now she was rested and collected. Rey knew she was stronger.

The knowledge of her superiority cooled her anger to her regular serine hatred of everything First Order.

She stretches her repaired arm gripping the sheet in a tight fist. 

Ren had turned off the lights everywhere after leaving her in his bed. She wondered if he spent his whole life in the shadows. No wonder he was so pale.

She has refused to sleep until he had assured her the captured people of Yarra had been released and Rey had made him prove it by showing her security footage of their exodus from the slaver ship on his comm device. It had mellowed her a fraction to her own prison.

And now she was in his actual bed. It smelt like, like, hmm, clean washed sheets and musky boy. Feeling ashamed of herself Rey rolled onto her stomach and rubbed her face into his pillow, smushing her lips into his scent and inhaling. Her feet clicking as she curled them into the mattress.

A dim light filtered through to her buried eyes and brief cough came from the doorway between the living area and the bedroom. Rey sheepishly turned to face him, her eyes narrowed then widened. She could smell food! Glorious food! It was something she still couldn’t resist even after months and months of freedom from starvation.

Rey pushed herself into a seated position and pretended not to be ravenous while Ren brought in a stainless steel tray of covered dishes which he left on the bed next to her. She noticed he took care to keep his distance.

"Would you mind if I used the fresher while you eat?" He asked.

What a ridiculous situation… Rey frowned at him and curtly nodded. He silently took a change of clothes out of the closet withdrawing to the fresher. The door closing with a click of the lock.

Feeling more confident Rey surveyed Kylo Ren’s room and it surprised her for being so small. The only thing in it, and that would fit, was the bed. It had a ledge, like a shelf built into the wall behind the bed head, but even that was empty. Was this really his room? Or some sort of trick? She had always imagined that it would be all shiny black stone and chromed weapons. Maybe some sort of highbrow First Order art? Rey imagined he was into bondage porn with all the possessive issues he had. Pictures of girls chained up and collared, their red mouths pursed squeezing their huge tits. She hung her head over the side of the bed and peeped under it. Nothing but dust.

Rey crossed her legs and peeped at the food as she heard the things she had smashed earlier being pushed around then the fresher turn on. The hot meal smelt divine, little steam tendrils curled off it in the cold recycled air of the large ship.

Rey ate listening to the sound of Ren showering. After an internal struggle she left a generous half of each dish on each plate in case it was also Ren's meal. There was a lot of food anyway, Rey could afford to share. One dish was a delicious, soft buttery dessert made of jorgan fruit, Rey wondered if she had picked the fruit that fed the First Order.

When Ren came back into his bedroom, dressed in fresh black, he noted the half eaten meal and asked her if she was not hungry.

Rey pushed the tray towards him. "It's your half," she offered gruffly.

He actually looked around as if expecting someone else was nearby then pointed to his chest. She nodded to the Supreme Leader and patted the bed suggesting he sit.

Gingerly sitting across from Rey and waiting for her trap to spring Kylo Ren picked at the food. If any passer-by had been there and dared to glance at them that minute they would see two young people enjoying dinner together. 

Rey lay back down on her side propped up on her good arm watching Ren watching her. If she was stuck here for this moment... if she was stuck, her mind turned over the wording. Was she ‘stuck’? She could fight endlessly. She could choke him as he swallowed and then what? Push through a battalion of First Order troops and steal a tie fighter under a barrage of blaster fire. With her injuries she would not be able to get far, it would be suicide.

Or maybe, for this moment, she could just find balance and accept. She smiled, flashing her teeth at Ren who flinched.

Only for this moment she schooled herself sternly. It doesn’t mean I won’t carve my name into his face if he tries anything or that I even like him

The silence was deafening.

“Try this jorgan fruit dessert,” Rey urged Ren. She passed the bowl to him their hands touching. “I picked jorgan in Yarra. The secret to keeping them fresh is cutting two at a time. They grow in pairs like balls.”

Ren swallowed. 

"You've been farming? Skywalker must have loved you." He joked feebly.

They returned to their mute meal.

Through their bond she could feel his growing despondency. He was desperately sad. Usually he was angry or tired or frustrated, but not sad it felt wrong. She wondered if something else had happened. Good, she thought. Let him suffer, but still. Still, he had released the people on Yarra. He had come, even though she knew he hadn’t wanted to. 

Maybe he didn't like her so close. Maybe he felt obliged to go ‘save’ her so she wouldn’t die, so the force bond wouldn’t break and he get hurt.

“Is there something wrong?” Rey finally asks.

Ren cleared his throat, he'd hardly eaten. "More than normal?” He paused and packed up the dishes his large hands stacking and filing. “I didn't want it to be like this." Moving the tray onto the floor he lay down next to Rey. She felt he was oddly at her mercy. "I mean I used to. I reaaally wanted to capture you Rey. The desert scavenger, my prisoner, my nemesis, the last Jedi and hope for the whole of the Resistance. Every time you leave I want to break you more."

"I remember. You can take whatever you want, right?" Rey frowned at the memory of the attempted torture on Starkiller base. “How would you break me Supreme Leader?” She asked him feigning innocence.

"I really can't remember, probably, make you...” Ren glanced at her face and shrugged. “I’d make you turn to the dark, be the empress of the First Order and have many, many force babies."

Rey wondered where the real Ren had gone and what had replaced him. He had just told, kind of, a joke. Maybe she had concussion.

He moved closer until he was in a position looking up at her. 

"Whenever I’m with you it’s different. I feel different, less angry. But it hurts more when you go.”

Rey wanted to touch him. Ren’s voice sounded suspiciously gentle. The weight of his body next to her made an indent in the mattress, the stretch of distance between them seemed so small. He continued with his justifications encouraged by her silence. 

“I just want you to be safe.”

Rey opened her mouth and shut it again as he interrupted her, “And I know you can look after yourself but here, with me, is not safe. It is the single most not safe place in the universe. I should have left you on Corellia to meet up with your rebel boyfriend. It would have been better." He reached up and touched her cheek, his hand was cold. She leaned into his palm.

He stroked her face, his thumb brushing her lip softly "And I don't want to make you do anything anymore. As soon as I really touched you again I knew that."

"You never have and you never will." Rey whispered gazing at the scar she had given him

"I will." He answered. "It's like the light from a star, I can't stop wanting to control you, to fill you up with my mistakes."

They moved closer together and Rey pressed her forehead against his. She pushed all her happiness towards him. She showed him the freedom of climbing trees, the satisfying click of scavenging a ship part that would feed her for a day and her fat, naked statue left behind with the comedy of its features. Rey presented Ren with the safe feeling of friendship in the Rebellion, the heat of her lust in the sticky tropical climate of Corellia and her joy in the force. She showed him her love of his hands, his body, his lips.

She unveiled her fantasies of lips touching, of passionate kissing. She wanted him. Even now, after every fucked up thing that had happened. Rey pushed her need to hold him towards Ren even as their bodies mimicked her desire.

His lips pressed upwards, opening her mouth, pushing tongues together and teeth gently teasing skin. Rey loved the feeling of their noses meeting and his rough stubble grating her cheeks.

Something needed changing though. Rey roughly pushed his body away.

Ren lay back into the bed hands up as if expecting her to start the fight again. He had already surrendered.

“Just for this moment,” she repeated in her head like a mantra.

Kneeling over his hips she drew a line with her finger sketching a lightning mark on the palm of one of his hands. Rey peels off her shirt and the thin black outfit she’d been dressed in after her own clothes had been taken. They are dropped to the floor. The air feels icy, and all the little hairs on her naked skin stand to attention, her nipples harden. 

His eyes are wide, questioning. Rey knows without a doubt she is the strong one as he lies stunned and unmoving.

She sinks back into his body stealing his warmth, pushing herself as close as she can to him, wrapping a leg around his waist. Rey buries her face into his neck as he inhales daring to touch her.

Slowly her light is blessing him, she shivers and he keeps her warm reflecting her joy. One hand moves down her back to her hips then cupping her bottom his long fingers curl under and skim over her public hair. He strokes her spine slowly as they kiss. 

His body is so hot she wants to taste each toned muscle. To bury her face in his dark hair and never leave. If he could ask her now with her tongue down his throat to join him as Empress of a new order she would have agreed as long as he didn't stop touching her.

Rey pulls at his clothes and helps him to take off his shirt. She kisses his chest and brushes the soft, dark hair line running down his stomach. Splaying her fingers she strokes his scars listening to him raggedly breath. 

The two were kneeling in front of each other now. If she peeked down Rey could see his erection straining in his pants. She felt him undo the fasteners and she moved to help him pull them down freeing his large dick it bobs slapping his skin. 

She could hear him hold his breath as she combed her fingers through his pubic hair. Rey slid both hands around his penis and wondered if Ren would pass out if he didn't breathe much longer. She explored his organ, testing her grip and smearing sticky pre-cum along the shaft.

Kissing his face again, which made him finally gasp, his hands fit over both her breasts, massaging and brushing with wide thumbs. They continued their passionate kissing and Rey’s hands get into a one handed palming rhythm she can tell Ren likes. Her other hand explores his balls, cupping and squeezing.

His force laps at her begging for more touching, more kisses. She’s his goddess and he can only worship at her temple. She strokes his balls slowly with one hand feeling them tense.

"I can't..." he moans into her, moving her hands away.

He was on the edge, she could feel his force, strong, all emotion and desire.

But this determined desert scavenger wasn't about to let him dictate what she could, or could not do. Hadn't she told him so?

"Lie down." Rey pushed him and he crumbled, pulling her with him.

She positioned him on his back and straddled him wiping her tender labia lips and clitoris along the length of his cock. Grinding her hips, it felt so good, so hot.

He was holding his breath again. She wished she was tall enough so he could suck her nipples while she slid her clit along his dick. It would give him something to do apart from choking.

Rey concentrated on her work, measuring him with her pussy, angling to see where she should catch the tip inside. 

"Rey." He moaned his hands on her hips trying to stop her from moving.

But he wasn’t the one in control this time. She pushed down and back. Kylo Ren’s dick slid half in. She wasn't going to deny it stung. He was big.

She inched her way down ever so slowly till he was fully inside her; stuffing her tight snatch till she didn't think she could take anymore. Encouraging her muscles to relax Rey started kissing him on his chest. Wide licks tonguing his skin up to his clenched neck. 

"I can't..." he repeated even as he started to rock.

"Ren." She cooed in his ear as she curled her toes to tickle his ass. “I really, really want to fuck you.”

He started thrusting into her, gently, but it made her gasp. Tears pricked in the corner of her eyes, but she kept kissing him, and saying his name. 

His fucking got rougher, instead of trying the push her hips away he was pulling into her. His hands and fingers wide, gripping her legs.

He pushed the feeling of the edge of ejaculation into her force. The pain from her virgin pussy evaporated as she was filled with his animal lust.

"Ren." She moaned into his neck opening her lips, now she could only breathe in short desperate pants.

Their bodies fucked in perfect, noisy slapping, wet sex. 

Rey cupped his face with both hands and pressed her forehead into his shoulder. Stars he was beautiful, but too tall. She had to really stretch to reach his sweet face but his hips followed her as she adjusted. Lips meeting she gasped pressing her stretched cunt into his hardness. 

Rey feels a wetness on his cheeks as he groans holding her tightly the pressure in his cock finally releases its think, ropey load deep inside her.

She lay on his chest with his dick still inside her a smoldering, a smiling mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmm sexy time. 
> 
> I used to have a job where I had to write about sex, but it was more more for business. Writing for pleasure is way harder! Or I'm rusty... I could endlessly change things, but am now just posting.


	10. Chapter 10

Everything felt warm for a change. Instead of waking up with a headache and frozen legs Kylo Ren could feel Rey’s body pressing into his back with her cheek on his spine. Her recently repaired arm draped over him protectively and her breath danced on his skin.

He assessed the situation careful to shield his thoughts from her and keep her asleep.

1\. He was warm.  
2\. He was being spooned by a beautiful girl.  
3\. She hadn't even tried to escape… yet.  
4\. He had been willingly and most awesomely fucked by said beautiful and still present girl.  
5\. …

He didn't want to think about five.

Five was not going to be thought of. How did five even come into this list? Because maybe five didn’t have to be five? Things were going so well suddenly, this was everything he wanted from Rey.

As if she could sense his thoughts about her she snuggled into him bringing her knees up to press into the back of his legs. Her tiny feet were icy on his calves. He wondered if she ever cut her nails wincing as she dragged her toes.

Four, Ren tells himself. I have to concentrate on four. Four-nication he puns and smiled. Happiness and joy was something he had most trouble blocking from Rey. Yet the only time he couldn't help feeling them was with her.

"Mm, Ren." She mumbled and hugged him as tight as she could. It was sweetly snug even with a bad arm.

Flipping to face her Ren kissed the tip of her nose shyly, hiding his features in her wild hair. Somewhere his comm is beeping angrily.

Not even in this brilliant morning could he escape his duties. 

"I have to get up," he murmurs brushing her shoulder with a light finger. 

But she holds him again as if she’ll never let go. Refusing to let Ren move. Prizing his way out of her grasp Kylo Ren sits up. His room looks the same. The same grey, the same black, the same square vents and blank walls - but he feels different. He doesn’t even feel angry when he trips on last night’s dinner tray still stacked on the floor. Instead he kisses Rey’s lips deeply and leaves her begging eyes for the fresher.

He washed the crusting fluids off his dick, palming his hardening cock and sighing into the water as it covered him. Turning up the cold water Ren blasts his body to get his hormones in check. He had a lot of work to catch up on and having the last Jedi on board the Rescindere only complicated his already crowded juggling act. It was like he had just picked up a landmine while keeping five knives in the air.

Turning off the water the Supreme Leader had just wrapped a towel around his waist and was contemplating if he had enough time to shave when Rey came into the bathroom still naked with her arms folded around her goose-bumped torso. His eyes followed her pert buttocks and the dimples above each cheek as she passed him. Throwing good intentions to the wind he thought maybe he had time to join her in the fresher?

His indecisiveness soon turned to embarrassment as Rey sat down to use the toilet naked and grinning. He quickly faced the doorway and wondered if this is what it is like to live with someone? She could have at least gone when the water had been on.

"On Yarra, they only had public bathrooms," she explained matter of factly. "No doors either. You get used to it."

"I will not." He replied blandly and side stepped out of the room.

Her laughter made him scowl.

He would have to organise another living space for her. He needed some privacy. Ren dressed in full uniform habitually pulling on the stiff garments and straightening each seam as he listened to her using the fresher.

Seated at his desk in his living area the Supreme Leader issued orders around Rey and answered the most urgent of his messages, most were meeting reminders, or long essays filled with bribes and flattery from universal leaders dancing around joining the First Order. He winced as a particularly ranting video message from General Hux, complaining about the withdrawal of the resource exploration ship from Corellia, blasted across the holoscreen. 

One was from... The Supreme Leader felt the blood draining from his face and double checked the sender. It couldn’t be from her, his chest flipped uneasily filling with unwanted emotion. After all this time and this was issue that had sparked her enough to make official contact. He didn't want to see it. The message had passed through several levels of administration to get to him. His finger hovered over the delete button.

Anger filled Kylo Ren like a crashing wave. How many eyes had scanned it before it had got to his inbox? The stupidity of the situation. He would have to read the communication to see how much damage it had done.

He stabbed at the screen. It was brief: 

_General Organa kindly requests parlay with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren regarding his recent prisoner the Jedi Rey to negotiate release._

Where did he even reply too? Idiot fucking Resistance scum. He closed the message stabbing at the delete button. After everything, everything and years of silence she wanted to talk about Rey? That was all she ever cared about, her precious Jedi. 

The Supreme Leader realised he hadn’t put on his gloves yet. He stared at hands feeling naked, his rage building.

Rey came into the room wearing one of his shirts, for an instant he felt her light blazing towards him, a supernova of sunshine, but then she saw him. The Supreme Leader again in his uniform; rigid, furious and frowning at her. 

She deflated her face falling.

Ren had the gall to feel the tiniest bit guilty. It wasn’t her fault. Probably not – unless this was some elaborate plot. Maybe he could force her tell him everything about the Resistance? Hold her down and press his hand around her pretty neck until he could make her see… what was wrong with him?

"Rough night?" Rey asked moving towards the blind controls. 

"Don't open that." Ren reminded her sharply. Then calmer. "I've ordered you breakfast. I have to go work."

He tapped a message ordering his droid come to his room and pushed away his comm device. 

The door to the corridor slid open and his glossy grey and red protocol droid walked in. Ren noticed Rey could see the white arms of the stormtrooper guards through the open door. She looked at him frowning, her arms folded.

"This is yours now." He took off the chest plate of the droid and tinkered with it before putting the plate back on and waving his hand in front of its glowing eye sensors.

"X2O, this lady is named Rey, you take orders from her. Rey is your prime."

Reigning in his emotions Ren turned to his bond mate. "Here, let him scan you."

Rey didn't move she still hovered near the closed window smarting under his earlier unwelcoming glare. Ren felt suffocated. Like he had squashed a baby bird in his hand, but he wouldn’t let her have the satisfaction of seeing him in turmoil. If this was a Resistance ploy they would not succeed. 

"X2O, scan Rey and serve her as she wishes." The droid moved towards Rey and arms still folded she allowed it to do what it needed to do. 

Kylo Ren turned to Rey feeling awkward after their intimacy and angry from the surprise message.

“You are not leaving until we talk,” Rey menaced him.

What was he supposed to do? Ren put on his helmet firmly ending any further discussion from Rey. 

“I suggest you use X2O to contact General Organa and update the rebellion on your status. Then you can start planning your escape."

The Supreme Leader left the room to join his waiting guards and the door shut with a hiss.

***

X2O wasn't the last gift that morning. Another droid came in and left her breakfast. Piles of steaming food, fruit and hot drinks. More than she could possibly eat. For once in her life Rey didn’t feel very hungry, but she cradled a big black mug of earthy tasting liquid still smarting from Ren’s bad mood.

He also sent her books, actual books, on all types of Jedi teachings and more. Mechanics, flight history, art and gardening, one heavy hard-backed tome was on fruit propagation.

Then came the dress. The dress was still on its hanger where Rey was sure it would stay. X2O had draped it over the bed the droid had made. Its flowing, soft fabric was long and stretchy; it looked tighter at the top with short sleeves, spreading out to two large pockets in the asymmetrical skirt. There was nothing vulgar in it, just beautifully cut, comfortable and disgustingly perfect. On its wide hem a row of perfectly embroidered S symbols made her blush.

The dress even came with new boots. Sturdy, white, stormtrooper issue boots that were comfortable, light and built for all terrain; Rey had relented and put the boots on. Otherwise her feet were going to freeze to the metal floor. Her regular clothes had disappeared along with her shoes and Rey guessed they had been sent to the compactor. She imagined the impeccable black uniformed First Order turning their noses up at her grey homespun.

Rey touched the boots as she flipped through her books. He had gifted her everything she liked – and really it must be impossible to get a book on fruit in space. How could he switch between being an utter, utter fuckwit and someone at least half decent? He was insane. He was making her insane.

X2O was interesting; he could not only translate thousands of languages, although through the force Rey could understand and speak most languages herself, X2O could also transmit messages like a walking comm unit. He had an offensive mode with blasters equipped in one palm, he could shut down other electrical equipment like an R2 unit and more. Honestly Rey couldn't believe that she had been given the most superior, dangerous piece of robotics she had ever seen. He had actual personality too, although nothing too grating, something usually not installed into X series Droids because mechanical gadgets trumped giving them wit.

Late in the morning X2O had advised Rey that he had received a message advising that the Supreme Leader would join Rey for dinner.

Rey didn't answer.

"Shall I advise supreme leader you are busy?" He asked.

She snorted and turned to her books. Running a hand over the paper a plan started forming in her mind. If Kylo Ren was so keen for her to escape she would be happy to oblige.

"Could you send a message to the Resistance?" Rey asked X2O. 

The droid agreed he could try to contact them if she could provide details of codes needed for transmission and smugly assured her that he could also scramble any messages sent.

"But you're a New Order droid, anything you do they would see."

"No Rey, my prime settings were reset by our Supreme Leader. I have been assigned to listen to only your orders."

Doubting this to be the truth Rey rolled her eyes. She turned the book in her hand, twisting it then held it up just using the force with the pages flipping quickly in the air.

"Please silently note the numbers I point to in these books X2O." Rey said quietly to the robot the book opening at a seemingly random chapter. "Don’t let anyone or anything else access what I show you,” she looked around the room. Its starkness wouldn’t do. “And please could you ask someone if we have another chair? I’d like you to sit with me.”

The morning was spent shuffling through books and finding page or chapter numbers to covertly point to. Although, at times the books were so interesting Rey’s attention wandered to the texts and pictures. The Supreme Leader had made an excellent selection, the variety of subjects showed he paid attention to Rey’s interests. Again she felt regret that he couldn’t be nicer; because it was obvious he paid attention to her interests. 

After sitting together for a while X2O finished recording the numbers and Rey decided to look around the room again. She tested pressing the release button for the door to the corridor and to Rey’s surprise the door hissed open at her touch. The two stormtrooper guards stood to attention when the door opened holding their blasters close to their chests.

Rey inched closer to them, while staying within Ren’s room, and used her force to gently touch their minds. She sensed they were two female guards and they were wondering what their “guest” would do. They had been ordered not to fire or hurt Rey even if she attacked them. They were also ordered to report on anything she did outside of the Supreme Leader’s quarters.

"Hmm," she huffed and decided to test them. Walking into the wide corridor Rey turned slowly, hand slightly raised; ready to mind control the soldiers if needed.

Nothing happened. The stormtroopers stayed still and silent. 

"I like your boots," she held up one of hers waving her foot in what she hoped was a friendly fashion.

They didn't move. 

"I have a friend who used to be a stormtrooper. He's in the Resistance now."

She sensed the pair felt disgusted disbelief at this information and Rey decided talking about Finn wasn’t going to endear them to herself.

"If I went down there," Rey pointed down the corridor. "What would you do?"

They didn't answer, but could feel their discomfort and confusion. The smaller one glanced briefly at the taller guard who stood fast and stayed silence.

"Follow you Princess," the smaller guard almost whispered. 

Rey frowned. "What did you call me?" 

"Princess... princess?” 

“Why did you call me that?"

"Supreme Leader asked us to call you that if you came out of the room. He said..." The stormtrooper tailed off as the taller one coughed pertly.

"Yes?" Rey pressed.

Almost barely audible the shorter guard murmured. "He said it would really annoy you."

Rey’s eyes narrowed at the pair, she bit her lip thinking. Looking up and down the dim angled corridor a small cleaning droid beeped along its rounds but otherwise Rey felt it was empty. Although she also felt like she was being watched by more than just two stormtroopers and a droid. 

Turning about she went back into the room and shut the door.

"X2O, where are we going and when do we get there?" She asked sitting back down next to the robot. 

X2O paused before speaking as if looking up the information in some far off archive. "The ship computer needs security clearance to give me that information. I no longer have that clearance. However, I can tell you the ship is not using light speed to conserve fuel. A fuel ship will be joining the ship tomorrow however, and light speed will be deployed after this. Operations seem otherwise normal. Without the security clearance I can predict there is enough information to suggest we will reach our destination in three standard cycles."

"Can you tell me anything about me?"

X2O rattled off a list of information, "Princess Rey, honored guest of the Supreme Leader, prime objective of droid X2O, not to be attended to or kept in same area as male crew members and not to be harmed. To be attended by two (or more) guards at all times. Do not communicate with. Delegation Guest Level One. Accessed ships medical facilities for bone restructure, puncture wounds to upper body, shrapnel removal..."

Rey interrupted the Droid and asked what Delegation Guest Level One meant. The description he gave her sounded like it meant a very important prisoner whom you don't want them to realize is a prisoner. On the upside she was able to walk around. Well, at least not around male crew members. Rey scoffed at this rule, as if she was going to spend her time seducing unsuspecting First Order men. X2O advised his lack of a security clearance meant he couldn't be exact on Rey’s restrictions in regards to ship access. However, because of the unknown boundaries Rey knew that they were there and she wondered how far could she push them?

She peered at the glossy droid as she stood and drifted next to the forever closed window, she was still suspicious of X2O. The jumble of numbers she had shown him earlier meant nothing - yet. If someone was reading them to work out a communication code they wouldn't be getting any information.

"X2O do you mind if I examine you?" Rey asked.

The droid had no choice, although Rey wondered if his tone was somewhat waspish as he agreed, and so Rey gave herself a crash course in robot engineering. 

When Kylo Ren returned to his rooms that evening he found Rey spreading out tiny parts of X2O on his desk.

She ignored his brief greeting and continued working while eating fork-fulls of an opulent dinner between tinkering.

"Where did you get those tools? Ren asked her unhappily.

"Jem gave them to me. Sorry, GM-2212."

Ren pushed some parts of X2O away from the end of the desk creating a minuscule space for him to eat and took the new seat opposite to Rey. 

"Those officers will be reprogrammed."

Pouring them both a drink, Ren pushed a beautifully decorative delicate green glass towards her. Rey wiped her hand on the shirt she was wearing, his shirt she remembered too late, and took the glass, gulping the clear contents before bursting into a fit of gasping coughs.

Ren sighed sipping his own glass slowly.

Why was he such a grump? She didn't ask to be captured or catered to. In fact she didn't ask for a force bond. She hadn't asked and still she grew to accept it, and they had been working at controlling it. Now... now, what was next? Sit here forever avoiding everything? Stuck in a gilded cage.

Ergh, what had been in that drink? Tastes like mint flavor acid.

Rey licked her numb lips.

The Supreme Leader was looking at her all moody again. She could sense he was feeling disappointment in himself.

It was defiantly the drink that made her go into the bedroom and change into the blue dress he had sent her. No other reason, she wasn’t forgiving him for being such a snake this morning. She brushed her fingers through her hair and came back into the living area.

As the Supreme Leader had his back to the bedroom door he didn't see coming to him until Rey was in his lap. He startled as she jostled against his body. Snuggling up to him Rey kissed behind his ears then her lips peppered the part of his neck that wasn't covered in uniform. She watched his eyes slowly close as she kissed his cheeks, his big nose, his dark eyebrows and lashes, along his strong jaw and finally his mouth.

She felt a little tipsy as she swirled her tongue tasting mint. 

Ren pulled off his black gloves and put his hands around her waist. She was so petite his fingers almost touched.

"You should eat." She told him leaning her head against his chest.

"You should have another drink." He countered.

Rey wrinkled her nose. She didn't like the taste. 

Ren sipped his drink and ate with Rey snuggled on his lap. They shared the meal and Rey felt pleasure at the variety. Sometimes, when she thought she had tasted all the flavors in the world, she found there was more pleasure to be devoured and nothing was more delicious than the lips of Kylo Ren. 

Hooking an arm around Ren’s shoulder Rey kicked off her boots, rubbing her toes along his calf, slowly brushing his uniform pants.

"Did you contact General Organa before you broke your droid?" He asked dead pan.

Rey pulled herself up to look squarely into his face, "I haven't called, but I think you already know that."

The Supreme Leader shrugged.

"I'd rather not give the First Order my contact codes. I think I’ve created enough danger for them."

Ren stroked her face, his palm warm on her cheek.

"And I did not break X2O, I know exactly how to put him back together." She kissed him long and intense, inhaling the exhilarating smell of his starched uniform mixed with liquor. 

Together they basked embracing in the warm buzz of lust, kissing and touching while letting each other swirl intimately around each other’s growing force; until Ren pulled Rey up and in a swirl of blue skirts guided her to the bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many good Reylo stories lately, I love, love, love reading them. 
> 
> Chapter dedicated to the fine families on our street who play cricket on the road at 7:00am on a weekend. Why sleep when I can write?


	11. Chapter 11

Rey squirmed in his arms, face upturned; her eyes half closed, soft and eager to please. When she smiles at Ren he feels bright and sharp even through the slight haze of the alcohol he had just enjoyed. 

She wriggled out of his clasp to tug off her clothes, untidily dropping them on the floor before she scampered under his blankets. Ren noticed his shirt, the one she had been wearing earlier, was also balled next to the bed. He picked them up and hung the dress deliberately, as if pointing out this was the correct way to treat ones belongings.

Ren undressed carefully under her smirking gaze, sliding off his jacket, making sure the seams hung straight on the hanger. Pulling off his boots and arranging them carefully at the bottom of his cupboard. Undoing each clip and clasp, folding each item, while feeling her eyes measuring up his back, his legs, his chest; until finally he takes a breath and consciously pulls off his underwear, standing naked at the foot of his bed.

Rey’s eyes are like saucers watching him. She’s pulled the blanket under her chin, clutching with both hands, on her pretty face a wide shit-eating grin of anticipation. Ren felt a blush spreading up to his ears.

Chin up he sashayed to the side of the bed, he was not embarrassed of anything he convinced himself, after all wasn’t he Supreme Leader? Rey scooted closer to him her face at just the right height to be eyeballing his long cock, the blanket dropped from her hands revealing her pert breasts which bobbed as she reached over to run her hand along his hip. The soft touch on his skin made him swallow dryly. 

Rey’s small hands stroked his hips, then his thighs, before she moved to combing her fingers through his black pubic hair. His dick twitched, growing harder. Her sweet face was really getting closer, he could look down and see her dark lashes and glistening lips hover next to his white skin. One hand brushed his balls, cupping them as they drew tighter.

“Rey.”

Ren’s voice sounded like a gasp, he was wondering where he should put his hands.

She hummed quietly and shuffled even closer, kneeling low. A pink tongue darted out and licked his cock head experimentally. Ren closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. He felt his dick sink into her open mouth. Her lips felt amazingly hot as one of her hands curled around the base of his cock, holding it firm. 

Groaning he ran his hands through her hair, as her tongue danced against his skin. Ren tried not to thrust, but his whole body begged to sink into her mouth. Sensing his desire Rey bobbed her head a little, sucking more length. Peeping at her through half-open eyes he watched the way her little hand stroked his shaft.

“I…” Ren said brokenly. He could feel his lust pooling inside him. If she didn’t stop he’d cum in her mouth too soon. Ren gently tugged at her hair pulling her face off his dick with a wet pop.

“Was I doing it wrong?” She asked wiping her chin with her arm, eyes unfocused.

“No,” he joins her on the bed kissing her lips, tasting his himself in her mouth. “Too well.”

Pushing Rey back into the pillows Ren knelt between her legs and started to suck at a pink nipple. It felt so hot using his tongue like brush and teasing the hard nibs with his teeth. He palmed his dick wanking slowly, trying to walk the line between extreme pleasure and orgasm.

Rey moaned and wriggled under his touch, one hand pushed at the back of his head urging him to continue suckling her tits. The other moved to her clitoris as she roughly rubbed herself, teasing her fingertips into her wet passage. 

He grabbed both her hands and moved them above her head.

"Don't move them," he growled into her ear before kissing her open mouth.

She immediately put her arms around him.

"What did I say? Don't move your arms."

He guided her arms back over her head and this time she didn't move them when he went back to abusing her lips.

When he was sure she wasn't going to break the new rule he kissed and suckered his way down her creamy body to her dripping pussy. Time to return the favour. 

Ren shoved a pillow under her hips, splaying her wide open. He traced every ridge of her pinkness with a firm thumb. She moaned his name as he started to fuck her with his mouth, greedily lapping. Rey startled with the surprise of tongue inside her, but didn't move her arms. Her body melted under the new pleasure. Ren could feel her pushing her cunt towards him, legs splayed and toes curled.

Pushing a finger up inside her hole he smiled to himself. Hadn't he seen her do this herself in what felt like a million light years ago? This time instead of watching like a scared rabbit he would be the one to make her cum. 

Two fingers in, he could feel her force building.

"Fuck me Ren," she begged him, "harder!" Ren felt immediately obliged to fulfill her request pumping firmer intently watching his knuckles disappear between her folds. He could feel her force breathing inside of his chest like a command. He must make her cum.

Then, through his bonded haze, he realised Rey had just used mind trick on him. She had ordered him to make her cum using her force. Had she done it knowing what she was doing? He peered up at her glowing face watching her finger nails scrabbling in the sheets as she pushed her clit into his face.

The Supreme Leader would punish her for her impudence.

He moved his face up to hers until he could feel his wet chin pressed into her burning cheek, while keeping his fingers firmly inside her.

"You want me to fuck you harder?" Ren asked.

_"Yes, fuck, please Ren, please."_

His thumb kneaded her clitoris as his fingers pumped inside Rey’s hole. Ren kissed her and she lapped up her own juices from his mouth. 

Sensing her climax was building Ren stopped fucking her with his fingers. She ground her hips upward trying to get Ren to finish her.

"You tried to use mind trick on me, should I really reward you for that?" 

"Reeeeeen," Rey moaned.

He smiled.

“And the worst thing is, you didn’t even succeed,” He curled his fingers a little inside her soft wetness making her gasp. “Haven’t I told you that you need a teacher?”

He gathered his force, suddenly clear and over powering and felt it enveloping Rey. She was completely open gasping his name like a babbling mantra.

_"Cum."_

He ordered her using a confident flick of his force.

And she did.

Rey’s pussy walls contracted around his fingers as she moaned loudly like a wild thing. His hand was soaking. She opened like a sticky flower, tilting her head back and letting every muscle relax.

"You may move your arms now." He purred moving them for her as she seemed frozen in post orgasmic bliss.

He rolled Rey onto her side and curled his body around her back. Ren’s hard dick slipped easily inside of her still spasming cunt as he nipped at her shoulders, sucking his way to her neck. She had him so well wound up, a few strokes was all it took for him to feel like he was going to cum. He picked up the pace as she pushed back against his hips. 

Pressing his scarred cheek against her back he groaned as he reached his peak, shooting his load deep inside of her.

They snuggled together and he stayed inside her until gravity won over. She dreamed happily in his arms. 

Ren was amazed Rey even let him get this intimate, this beautiful, smart, amazing woman. She had rejected him so many times, but now she was his and only his. Possessively clinging to her back Ren swore to himself he would cut the eyes out of the face of any other man who even looked at her. 

***

The next morning Kylo Ren woke early and revoked the slavery orders, the ones he had agreed to only days before. He’d also cancelled a whole swarthy of other recent commands that didn't suit his changing vision of the First Order. General Hux had been livid. He had spent at least an hour projected over the Supreme Leader’s desk, eyes bulging and teeth grinding while ranting and passive-aggressively belittling Ren as much as he dared. Ren had listened to his concerns unusually lenient. It helped that he was separated from the General by light years of space and that he was feeling unusually happy. 

Kylo Ren enjoyed being Supreme Leader; it was like manna to him when he could see the conquests of his elite army. He firmly believed he was helping the galaxy and all life in it. There was growing order where there had once been chaos. Without him, without his army, all life would be in danger of alien bickering, endless war, famine and violence. The Resistance was irresponsible to think their twisted democracy and free will alone would free people from thousands of belligerent governments all trying to increase their own planets agenda’s.

Only… Ren could concede that the dark side of him made him obsessive about control and seeing others defer to him. If someone tried to take anything he would fight; he would destroy even whole planets. 

However, without Supreme Leader Snoke always hovering and torturing his mind, and with Rey instead he was convinced he could be stronger. 

Her light shone through his thoughts, gently stroking his consciousness as he sensed her wake in the next room. 

He was sure she would decide to stay. 

For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos - just having a lie down now :)


	12. Chapter 12

Space spread out in front of Rey, infinite in its cosmic glory. 

Pressing against a cold, clear plastic window she watched the huge; round refueller ship ever so slowly pull alongside the hull of the Rescindere. As big as the refueller ship was, it was still dwarfed by the First Order cruiser.

Rey had been relieved to discover rooms with windows she could access. 

The metallic, grey closeness of Ren's quarters was starting to give her a little cabin fever. She could never understand how people could spend their whole lives on board space ships. As much as she loved to pilot them, it got old really fast.

She had started her morning tentatively exploring the corridor outside Ren’s living area with her two watchful stormtroopers reluctantly in tow. It seemed the length of a long First Order hall was now her world, as assigned by the Supreme Leader. The area was void of anyone, apart from her guards; instead the empty rooms contained laundry droids, office furniture, in assorted shades of grey, and shadows. 

Of course Rey had tested how far she could comfortably go, but the elevator and doors to the emergency craft hadn’t opened for her. They were locked shut without the correct access codes. 

Rey had felt disgusted after she had lightly used the force to scan her stormtrooper guards; it had showed they too were prisoners, having not been advised of the code numbers to exit the area. She had spent some time poking at an elevator access panel, as her guards held their breath and the corridor’s cameras red lenses had focused and refocused, filming her half-hearted experimentation. 

Rey had shrugged at her guards and confided that, ‘it would be easy enough to push past the next droid who brought her food if she really needed to get out.’

And now here she was, sitting in a dim abandoned conference room, studying the always epic view of space as it pooled out in eternal darkness around her. 

Thinking about her future.

Rey rubbed a sore spot on her recovering arm, she must have twisted it in last nights… activities. She felt her cheeks flush pink at the memory of Ren’s face between her thighs. 

His want to please Rey had helped her to decide, with some reluctance, to temporarily stay a little longer with Ren on the Rescindere. Rey told herself staying would ultimately be for the ‘greater good’. She even created a few self-imposed objectives to meet. First up to contact the Resistance and let them know she had not abandoned them, nor turned traitor.

Another goal was to learn more about the stormtroopers, even if, just that morning, Ren had shook his finger at her banning Rey from talking to them. As if he could stop her, he was wasting his breath.

Rey turned away from the window and looked at her shorter guard. She suspected if Gem wasn't constantly brain washed she could be quite chatty.

However, the taller soldier was another kettle of frigid fish. She was more aloof and silent. She seemed prudishly shocked at half of Rey’s views and suggestions, while oozing outright disbelieve at the other half. Although, Rey could sense she was considerate of her partner, and that perhaps her gruff exterior masked a softer core. 

At the start of the morning’s exploration the taller stormtrooper had snappily asked Rey to call her by her serial number, if she must address her. However, Rey was just as determined the stormtrooper should have a name, it seemed important, moving forward, that the guards started to create their own identity. 

Rey had shortened the taller guard’s ID code to the last digit ‘Six’, and then came up with the nick-name ‘Sixer’. Sixer had groaned at the name, but would concede to turn her head slightly if Rey addressed her.

Gem and Sixer were turning out to be two of the most boring companions Rey had ever met, and she had once spent thirteen days straight talking exclusively to sandworms after a particularly bad sand storm on Jakku.

The guard’s weighty white presence followed her like voiceless black-eyed ghosts. It made her think about Finn living as a stormtrooper. Was he silent? Did he refuse to talk, sit or eat? Did he ever laugh before he left the First Order? 

Knowing her guards were still uncomfortable hearing about the traitor FN, Rey still talked briefly about Finn to her captors. About his work with the Resistance and what he did now, free from the New Order. However their twitches and half sighs gave their distasteful views away on the matter. 

Finally, she asked the girls if they remembered their lives before they were soldiers not really expecting an answer.

Surprisingly, it was solemn Sixer who took her hand off her blaster barrel and haltingly tapped her own shoulder. Pointing out a hardly visible, tiny, dark red spot painted on her sparkling white armor. Rey noticed Gem had the same dot on her shoulder guard.

"This mark means we're getting reprogrammed. We call it ‘fuchsia’ it's red and it fucks you up your 'future'. Doesn't matter what we were, sooner or later we'll be called in and forget it all."

"I'm sorry..." Rey started.

"It's none of your concern," Sixer interrupted and walked to the doorway, ever on guard.

Looking out the window again Rey said to the stars, “I wonder how many times Finn got reprogrammed?” 

Then in a small voice, so Sixer couldn’t hear Gem barely mouthed the word, “lots.” 

In space the fuel ship finished its duty and pulled away, silently jetting away from the Rescindere. The two ships glided apart.

Rey sat in silence watching the fuel ship get smaller and smaller. 

"Princess, we must prepare for hyperspace soon," Gem advised. "Best to get into a strapped-seat."

Smoothing her blue dress Rey stood and trailed after the stormtroopers back into the Supreme Leader’s rooms. Once inside Gem motioned for Rey to sit on a strap-seat which Sixer folded out of a wall, but when Rey noticed her guards didn’t have seats, she firmly folded the safety chair back into the wall and stood beside them. 

Sixer nodded and, after patting Gem on the shoulder, showed Rey how to correctly brace for hyperspace while standing up. The three of them pressed palms to walls, one toe touching the base of the wall with the other foot behind in a stance that looked as if they were going to push the wall down.

Rey heard Sixer say, "secure Supreme Leader." 

Of course he would have communication with her stormtroopers; she wondered what they told him, if anything, and how much he could see.

Gem seemed jittery, her hands skittered and even her helmet tapped the wall as she moved jerkily. Rey could sense her desperate nervousness; fear even. She wondered if they were jumping to a battle zone or into a planet’s orbit. Rey knew some jumps could be tricky and prone to unexpected traffic, especially hard for the bigger cruisers. Although, she doubted anything but a moon would slow their gigantic ship down.

“Ready?” Sixer barked at the pair.

But there was no time to answer as the blurred, stomach wrenching, faster than light, jump dropped out between them. It was less than ten seconds, just a small jump, but as time rearranged itself Gem slumped against the wall her glove squeaking along the metal as she slid onto her knee.

Grasping Gem’s sinking shoulders Sixer cursed and slung her weapon to her back, as her partner wavered with unconsciousness. 

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked crouching down to help steady Gem.

“Jump sickness, It’ll pass.” 

"Help me get her to the bed," Rey suggests, but Sixer didn't move, instead she obviously turned her head away as if to ignore Rey’s efforts to help.

Rey frowned at her; it was no time for prejudices. "You will help me carry GM-2122 to the bed," she orders Sixer, wishing the pair of them would just act like regular people for once. "And you will let me take her helmet off."

Sixer found that unless she wanted to physically restrain Rey, the guest she had expressly been ordered not to harm, then she had no choice but to obey. Gem was soon guided to the Supreme Leader’s bed and, without her mask, was looking waxen and green urgently protesting about her helmet removal. 

The two troopers became worried, Rey could sense their wavering feelings like scared rabbits suddenly stopped from accessing the safety of their burrow. Sixer radiated desperation, urging Gem to cover her face as the seconds ticked onward. 

"Just two minutes and a drink of water," Rey pressed Gem as Sixer tsk’ed in the corner. “You need to rest after jump sickness.” 

"I have tablets," Gem said quietly her voice strangely soft without her helmet’s modulator. She took a small roll of paper from her belt pouch, swallowed a tablet and sipped some water Rey brought her then closed her eyes looking pained.

It gave Rey a chance to study the girl. Gem had all her hair shaved short, as all stormtroopers do, male and female, it framed her delicate features sweetly. Her skin was pale but incredibly freckled like a cake dusted all over with large flakes of chocolate brown. Rey had never seen such beautiful eyelashes. 

“How do you feel?” Rey asked sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Better.”

Rey smiled at the girl, “you had me worried there for a minute.”

"FN-2187 is real," Gem said quietly her hands grasping and re-grasping her rifle, cradled like a baby in her lap. It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes." 

Gem eyed Rey warily. "All the FN's got sent to the Malterra mine after... the traitor left. Thousands of them reprogrammed and exiled. So it would never happen again; nobody can leave.” Gem’s face became stony as she collected her emotions. 

“That’s enough GM-2122!” Ordered Sixer harshly.

“Can I put my helmet back on?"

Rey nodded, it would be a kindness to let her disappear, and Gem hid behind her mask again. 

Returning to the robot like voice, clipped and quiet, Gem added, “I don’t want to forget who I am.” 

The stormtrooper stood up and joined her seething partner. Rey followed behind and Sixer nodded to Rey curtly before opening the door to the corridor. Watching the door swish closed Rey was all alone. With a sigh she picked up a tool and looked over X20. Lucky she was used to waiting.

***

The rest of the day was spent putting X2O back together. Kylo Ren had thoughtfully sent Rey a holobook manual for the droid. She hardly needed it, but it was always good to get tips.

A few tiny parts had purposely not been restored and Rey had crushed them with the back of a screwdriver.

Rey patted herself on the back as the robot’s system ticked over in start-up mode. X2O would need a few minutes to reboot and then Rey could contact the Resistance, hopefully without any First Order spyware. How dare Ren suggest she had broken him? X2O would be better than before.

She sat back in her chair thinking of Kylo Ren and how enjoyable he could be. Surely, with just a little more patience and attention, she could convince him that this First Order was not for him? How could he condone the way his own soldiers were treated? He who had been controlled and brain washed by Supreme Leader Snoke. As if the thought of the malevolent, old master lit a flame inside of her, Rey felt her force bond open and she was looking at Kylo Ren as he worked somewhere in the ship.

He frowned at her. “Hmmph.”

She blinked and peered at him, raising one eyebrow, “I didn’t do it!” Rey trailed over his thoughts with her force. He had been fantasizing of how good she had looked in her blue dress that morning. 

“It was yoooooou,” she drawled fluttering her lashes at him.

“I thought this would stop if we were closer together, I have to finish work,” he admitted quietly, watching as Rey playfully lifted the hem of the dress to above her knees. 

Covering his mouth with his gloved hand the Supreme Leader whispered, “I cancelled all the First Order’s slavery contracts today, so I have to sort that out. There are a lot of unhappy people.”

Rey smiled at Ren, she wished she dared to hug him, but didn’t know if he was alone. Instead she lifted her skirt higher, rewarding his good deeds. He leaned forward, his dark hair flopping over half his face, making him look rakish and handsome. Rey’s heart skipped a beat.

“There are literally a group of generals at the other side of this room...” he hissed, but his eyes laughed. “Fuck, I hope they can’t see you.”

She smiled brightly and opened her legs, hitching one foot on the seat of her chair. She could only see her dashing Ren, in the room and didn’t give a damn about generals. 

“Can we talk later?”

Ren’s eyebrows shot up but he didn’t answer. Instead he watched as she lifted up her skirt, enough to show she had no underwear on.

“You are going to get me in trouble,” he mumbled into his gloved hand as he gazed at her.

Rey didn’t care. His slow torture was her pleasure. She spun around in her chair and mooned him, her bare backside twinkling, as he coughed through a strangled gasp. 

Peering over her shoulder she watched Ren force himself to turn away. He was sternly answering questions to someone else and as his mind refocused their bond faded.

She pulled down her dress and sat demurely listening as X20 wizzed and jerkily tested his limbs. Why had she done that to Ren? She wanted him to take her seriously not just, well not just a force bond booty call. She should really focus, but he was just so distracting. And to cancel all First Order Slavery! Rey felt sure that Ren was changing, maybe even… maybe even they could work together.

“X20, how are you feeling?”

“All in order.”

“Excellent,” she sat up straight, “I’m ready to send a message now. Do you remember the numbers I gave you when I showed you the books?" She asked the clicking droid. 

X2O began reciting them, but Rey cut the robot off and grinned, running a finger along his antenna and closing one last access panel on his neck.

“Use the twenty-first, eighth then seventh number I pointed to as comm co-ordinates please. I’ll record a message to send. Please attention General Organa.”

***

The Supreme Leader felt uneasy. He was starting to wonder how loyal his subordinates were. 

As his meeting dragged on he realized the First Order was overly reliant on the future provision of captured beings. People forced into becoming stormtroopers, miners, builders, factory workers and a whole range of work that his officers thought below their status. Whole projects seemed to hinge on a work force pressed into service.

Now that he had decided to stop the practice of forced labor people were angry. 

He had almost choked a man who tried to point out it wasn’t really slavery; instead the First Order was providing a community service to the poor orphans of the universe. 

And now the idiot General Hux had contacted him with some news he had that he wanted to transmit to the entire room. Ren had deliberately left Hux out of these discussions knowing full well they had opposite views on the subject, and not wanting a repeat of this morning’s ranting.

“Tell the General he’s not to transmit,” he ordered a secretary.

But the green tinged, life sized hologram of General Hux was already forming at the opposite end of the table. Ren could see his red hair bob a shallow bow and noticed his angular face looked surprisingly gleeful. This wouldn’t be good.

“You are here Supreme Leader,” General Hux almost yelled across the room.

“What is it General?” 

“I thought you wouldn’t be here, it seems you’ll be leaving us soon.”

Ren stood, his mind seemed one step behind his body. What was the man talking about? The Supreme Leader’s guards stepped forward as the room went silent. All eyes firmly glued to General Hux. 

“Get to the point or get out,” Ren folded his arms. 

The General’s hands flew up in mock surprise; it was obvious to everyone he was relishing whatever his announcement was.

“Well, well, well, it seems Supreme Leader,” he spat Ren’s title at him. “You are joining the Resistance. I just saw a recording of the message myself. It came from your droid on the Rescindere.”

Ren’s insides dropped, but his face didn’t betray him.

“You are mistaken.”

“Am I?” General Hux sneered.

“Everyone get out.” 

The Supreme Leader’s force cleared the room, even General Hux wavered, but Ren had little power over his mind, it had always been that way. That was what made him so dangerous.

As the room emptied the General seemed undisturbed, “Why bother, I can broadcast this message to the whole of the First Order if I wanted,” General Hux signaled and a second hologram, a smaller one popped up in the middle of the table.

It was Rey.

She was looking just as she had earlier when they had bonded. He could hear her voice clearly.

_“Greetings General Organa. I apologise for not contacting you earlier. I am currently a guest on a First Order Ship and… oh, this is so formal. What should I say? I’m fine, I’m being treated well. I wanted to let you all know that I haven’t turned traitor, and I miss you all. I’m hoping to be back with you soon, and – and maybe Kylo Ren will come with me.”_

The Supreme leader didn’t move, watching in horror, but General Hux glowered as the message continued. 

_“I still sense the light in him. He has issued orders to stop all slavery within the First Order. There is hope that we can negotiate, I send you hope. Please let Finn and Chewbacca know I am well and I miss them, and tell Finn... tell him, that I’m working on making sure that the First Order stops brainwashing stormtroopers.”_

The hologram of Rey faded leaving General Hux chortling out a wheezy laugh.

“How dare you record messages sent from my personal co-ordinates.”

“Lucky I did. It seems you’re turning back towards your Jedi roots now that Supreme Leader Snoke isn’t here to collar his dog.”

Ren blinked slowly wishing his force could burn holes through the General’s eyes. “This proves nothing. It’s just the rant of a prisoner who doesn’t know what she says. I’d be very careful about what you do next General Hux. There isn’t enough space in the universe keeping me from hunting you down.” 

“Ha, ha. Get over yourself Kylo Ren. It would make everything easier for me if you did leave, but I know you’re stuck here. The Resistance would be sure to execute you if you even stepped foot near them. All I want is you to stop cancelling the slavery orders and we can all move along.”

Ren’s mind raced. He was stuck. The rage built up inside of him, he flung every chair in the room, crashing through the hologram of General Hux who just smirked and yawned. X20 was supposed not actually send messages, he had been programmed to save everything for Ren’s review. Rey must have somehow reversed the firewalls.

“Fine,” Ren gritted out.

“Fine?” General Hux repeated.

“I’ll reverse the order,” Ren walked to the hologram of the General, his hands clenched. “But you will regret your interference.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I re-wrote all this a billion times. Thanks for your patience :)


	13. Chapter 13

"For the Princess," GM-2122 bowed her head over a small, paper-wrapped package as she held it reverently towards the Supreme Leader.

He took it staring silently at the stormtrooper who dared to address him. Wondering what Rey was up to now, he pushed it into his pocket, as he paused outside his living area trying to compose his shaking hands. 

Ren was having a staring match with the door frame and he could sense the guards were starting to sweat with the nervous tension.

Pulling himself together he opened the door ready to do what had to be done, but forgetting every resolution to be sane when he saw her.

"I think you're back to normal. Thank you for letting me adjust you," she was speaking to the droid. X2O stood complete in front of her, he flexed his robot fingers and bowed to the Supreme Leader. 

“You’re angry,” she didn’t turn to face Ren.

“Get out,” he barked at the droid who exited quickly after a nod from Rey.

"I think I'll be leaving soon. I have to get back to the Resistance.”

Kylo Ren felt himself shatter only to be rebuilt colder. 

He reached out with the force and twisted the crack in the window a little more, the plastic shrieked as it separated. If he opened the blind he could end everything, shatter the plastic, push them into space and halt this madness.

"Stop," Rey ordered, her hands covering her ears as she turned around eyes flaming. 

“You think I wouldn’t find out?” He strode over to her, towering over her seated form, with every muscle tense. “You think I’m stupid?”

“You don’t have to do this Ren, if you know, then you know. Come with me.”

He knelt in front of her grasping her knees in his gloved hands, the emotions swirled through their force like a raging desert wind.

“Stay with me.” 

He had told himself he would never ask again, yet here he was begging. 

Her voice quivered, wavering with tears. “Ren, I can’t.”

The fabric of her blue dress enveloped his face in its folds as he buried himself against her.

“I can’t,” he repeated as he kissed her lap desperately wrapping his arms around her small frame. He would never let go, he would stay like this forever. 

“You believe you are doing the right thing. I know I am."

The wet trail of her tears threaded through his hair as she rested her cheek on his head. She pushed the happy thoughts of her light into him, but he fought, he fought with every dark force he had raging inside of him.

“What am I supposed to do?” He asked. “You’re breaking me.”

“We’ll always be together Ren,” she lifted up his face and kissed his lips. A fractured gift laid at the temple of his soul. “Together in our hearts. Just apart in body.” 

He would never let that happen. If he couldn’t have her, then nobody would. His unspoken plan that he’d been pushing back on, that he hated, was the only solution left. It would be better that way.

He would have control.

Strengthening his force walls, he pressed the realisation of what he had to do behind barriers in his mind and lifted his hand to stroke her head. He could see the small white scar behind her ear. The scar he had ordered to be put there. 

Time to let go of the past.

He slowly loosened his hold on Rey.

"What did you do to my stormtrooper?" 

Her eyebrows gave him the disappointed look and she wiped a tear from under her swollen eyes then shook her head at him, "I had another girl in your bed today."

What was the point in even wasting his breath? He had told her not to talk to the stormtroopers and yet he knew they had been inside his bedroom. In time she would learn.

"One brought you a gift," he pulled the rumpled paper package out of his pocket and placed it in her lap. 

Rey unwrapped the package, folding the paper flat. It contained a straight, satiny black cord with six soft blue beads on each end.

"I believe you wear it around your neck," Ren had seen several of these tokens before. 

Although stormtroopers weren’t allowed personal items the officers usually permitted some small keepsakes about their troops, as long as the items stayed out of sight. Usually they were looted things from battles, but a trend of exchanging beadwork was popular.

He took the cord and wrapped it around her neck tying it loosely at the front. One side hung lower with the beads hanging between her breasts. "If it gets caught in battle it slides off," he pulled one side to demonstrate and it slid easily on his finger. He re-tied the necklace, straightened the beads, moving closer to her body, inhaling the smell of her hair. 

Rey touched his hand.

"Come with me Ren," she asked staring up at him with her beautiful eyes. "Please?"

Hadn’t he asked her the same question in Supreme Leader Snoke's throne room? Hadn't he asked her in the snow? Hadn’t he just begged?

There was still no resolution. He couldn't leave and she wouldn't stay. He touched a bead. 

"No politics."

"This is not right, Ren, I've seen your light. This place, this title is not you. Let them fight, come with me and we can make something better."

"And you would leave the Resistance, would you leave what you believe in?" 

"Ren..."

He put his arms around her and she stood frozen and hard. 

"Ren," she said again, "are you really going to reprogram the guards for talking to me?"

The Supreme Leader hadn't been ready for that question. He cleared his throat, thinking.

"It doesn't hurt, I’ve been told,” he answered, but her face must have shown her disbelief. Kylo Ren continued. “Reprogramming makes them better soldiers. They let go of the past, it’s like erasing all their mistakes. Then they can concentrate on doing their job without all the - baggage. You talked to them about your FN and that's what the Resistance wants.” 

“Brainwashing,” she snapped.

“Rey, they are trying to turn my army against me by luring the stormtroopers with promises of their so called ‘freedom’. Free to fight for another army, one that’s disorganised and rampant with bribes. Just as brainwashed with their ideals. So, yes, yes I have to reprogram them and they accept it. You accept it too.” He squeezed her arms, talking softly. “They have a good life. When they aren't getting killed by your friends."

“But, they should have the choice. They should be free to choose what they want.”

“Enough Rey, I’m not going to argue with you about this.”

"Is this how it is then? We're going to travel through space forever? Never talking about anything more interesting than the temperature and meals? Then we fuck, and it’s all supposed to erase all the wrongs!"

He wanted to choke her. No. He wanted to make her understand. It was having her here, it was throwing them off track. His dick had made the whole situation difficult and the strain of keeping her was killing him slowly, chipping away at his mind. 

"I thought you were leaving soon?" He gave her just a little push and Rey stumbled backwards.

“We belong to the light, we belong together,”

“Together…?” He pulled her roughly, enough to bruise. The look of pain on her face as her teeth snarled made him suddenly want to squeeze harder; before he remembered too late her arm was still recovering. 

The Supreme Leader’s lightsaber was out of his holster and in her hand before Ren sensed her pull the force to light it. She held it straight and unwavering so it singed the hair between his eyes pointing at his forehead.

His hand let go of her arm and Ren closed his eyes to avoid the saber glare. Why did she have to be like this? 

"I'm sorry you can’t understand." 

"What is your problem Supreme Leader?" Rey spits the title at him and turns off the saber. The absence of the buzzing blade leaves a heavy silence.

A picture of the blue ‘S’ on her dress comes to his mind. He pushes the picture to her. There's her answer, the problem is the bond. It makes him weak, confused, distracted and... everything he couldn't be right now. He couldn’t be the man she wanted. He couldn’t be the leader he wanted.

Through the force she shows him his hands, then like a slap to the face she shows his hands pushing her, he feels the pain she feels.

***

They go to the bedroom together and lie down embracing. He tells her a story, about a home they'll make on a quiet planet far away on the outer rim.

There will be green everywhere and white clouds sprawled across pale blue sky. 

In winter there will be soft blankets by a fire and in summer picking all the food they'll need from their garden. They would spend their time restoring old machinery and broken transporters. 

He shows her pictures of everything, opening and displaying his most guarded hopes, like a sparkling treasure of light. Dreams he had pushed so far down that he felt stripped bare to spread them before her. 

The silhouettes of sparse trees, red flowers bobbing in spring winds, the feeling of sun on bare skin and in every imagined scene they are always together.

She adds beautiful touches to his scene; the feeling of the force in a handful of pebbly dirt, climbing trees to pick fruit, drinking in a hammock at sunset and long, long kisses. 

They sleep entwined, dreaming of their paradise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have about three more chapters ready for this story, but I am fleshing them out as I go (and translating my rambling). It's taking time and I'm supposed to be doing so many other things. 
> 
> I hope you all are enjoying this roller coaster?


	14. Chapter 14

Naked and curled into a ball, Rey dreamed she was falling. She was back scavenging on Jakku, hungry and alone. Only this time she’d missed her jump and she was rushing endlessly through darkness and ship parts.

With a gasp she woke, wide-eyed to find herself alone in Ren’s bed.

The dream slipped away.

She pulled his pillow over her face and inhaled, imagining safety. Rey focused on the perfect home Ren had described to her. She held the picture of their life together in her mind, growing it, adding detail.

It would be nice to have a front door; Rey had always wanted her own front door. Something strong to lock her safe inside.

Her ears caught a heated exchange in the other room and she sat up and pulled on a shirt.

Ren was in the living area talking to... hmm. Sounded like the annoyed, twangy voice of General Hux. She had heard rumours Hux was planet-side somewhere, organising something secretive. 

When their arguing grew louder Rey rolled out of bed and peeped around the doorframe.

The Supreme Leader was talking through his comms screen to the sharp, gaunt looking General. 

A scowling Ren was angrily jabbing his finger in the General’s direction. Feeling her enter Ren glanced at her. She felt the slap of Ren’s force nudging at her to leave.

“Interesting,” she thought.

Instead of retreating, Rey slunk out, knowing that the angle of the communicator meant General Hux couldn't see her. The blue beads on her new necklace swung between her breasts, clinking as she sat down on the corner of Ren’s desk behind the conference call.

As the screen was holographic, and therefore translucent, it meant Kylo Ren was looking through General Hux towards Rey. She looked what she hoped was seductively over her shoulder.

Ren shifted in his chair giving her a stern look. Or maybe he was giving General Hux a stern look? Hard to tell.

There was just enough room on the large desk to swing around and sit cross-legged facing Ren. She mimicked General Hux, silently miming his movements.

"I wish you wouldn't," Ren asked her seriously.

"But Supreme Leader we agreed on these terms weeks ago," General Hux huffed, his thin lips curling into a smirk and continued to drone on.

Ren huffed then squeezed his gloved hands into creaking fists. He seemingly had all his attention on the General, but his eyes were seriously looking at the girl sitting on his desk.

Rey picked up a pen using the force and threw it towards him.

"What was that?" General Hux jumped at the movement as the pen flew past Ren’s head and hit the wall behind him.

Rey couldn't silence a quiet roll of laughter and even Ren had to put a hand over his mouth in a hurried cough.

General Hux looked suspicious, his pale eyes darting. “Who else is there?”

“None of your concern.” 

“If you still have that Resistance scavenger girl holed up in your quarters you are even stupider than I thought.” 

Rey’s eyed widened at the mention of herself, she peered at Ren questioningly as he ground his teeth at the General.

Ren flipped a switch, cutting the view screen. The sound was still working though, as she could hear General Hux spluttering at the visuals being switched off. Putting a finger in front of his mouth Ren glared at Rey. The push from his force nudged at her again, but she shook her head. 

"Are you still there Supreme Leader?"

"Get to the point General."

She felt like she was only hearing part of a story, one that had already played out. Had Ren told the General about her message to the Resistance? How many people knew she was here? How many First Order officers knew their Supreme Leader was messing with a Rebel? What was he telling them?

“What’s going on?” General Hux sound annoyed.

"Do what is necessary for fucks sake, do you need me to hold your hand for everything?" Ren growled at him and shut off all signals.

Ren turned on Rey, his eyelids suddenly drooping. He rubbed his temple. “That was a private conversation.”

She tossed her head. “About me? How does he know I’m here”

Ren sat back in his chair. “Let’s not fight today,” he asked quietly. 

Rey felt suddenly colder. So suddenly icy her jaw ached.

“How does he know? Tell me.”

“Come here,” he asked patiently.

Sliding off the desk she stood in front of him, arms folded, rigidly looking down on his pale face and wide shoulders. Rey stayed motionless even as her fingers longed to run through the soft curl in his dark hair. Why did everything have to be so hard?

Gloved hands encircled her pulling her towards him. Ren’s face pressed against her heart, she could feel the hard beads on her necklace between them.

“You sound like a little rabbit,” he said, crushing her closer.

Rey felt the picture of the ‘S’ on her old blue dress being displayed in his force. She couldn’t stop herself. The feeling of him in her arms filled her as she cradled his head against her, it calmed the cold returning his touch.

“General Hux was the one who intercepted your message. You were very thorough with removing my spyware from the droid, very clever. Unfortunately the General is obsessed with eavesdropping and he somehow picked it up. He played it for me.”

A wave of concern filled Rey, not for herself, but for the Resistance. How could she have been so stupid to not think there would be countless tracking devices. That people other than the Supreme Leader cared what they did.

Ren continued to talk, slightly muffled, his lips still pressed to her chest.

“Everyone can’t know. He called me traitor. Me. I’ve given everything to the First Order. Everything!” The last word pushed inside Rey, settling like stone in a deep well.

“I’m sorry, Ren I...”

“Don’t,” he interrupted. “My mother would like that message. It would give her hope. You know, she never once tried to contact me until she found out I had you. But you’re special. You’re the Jedi come to save us all.”

He pulled her into his lap and their eyes met, she could see his were red rimmed, it broke her heart to see him in such conflict. Always he took the hardest path.

“I am sorry I couldn’t stop the slavery. I wanted to do that for you, but General Hux…” He trailed off.

She kissed him, tasting salt on his lips, cupping his face and he responded urgently, pressing his lips against hers hungrily, as if it was their first time. 

“Let’s go to that house. The one in your dreams,” she urged. “I don’t want to be a Jedi, I just want you. Just… not here.”

“What about the Resistance? You’re friends?”

“What about the First Order?”

Ren stroked her leg, the leather of his glove felt like an alien touch. “You can’t stay. I can’t let you go.”

Their foreheads pressed and his long corralled tear sunk, slowly running across the angry red scar. Rey felt him twisting the window again, pushing at the weakness with his force. So hard the metal surrounding pinged noisily. The coldness returned to Rey.

“Don’t be sad,” she begged then wiped his face with her thumb.

He breathed, almost silently. “I am nothing.”

Before he left her he took her face in his hands. The hands she adored.

"You should escape now," he told Rey, but she just smiled, and to her surprise he smiled back, except not with his eyes. His eyes were still pools of pain.

"Will you put on your blue dress for dinner?" He asked lightly as a gloved hand rose to his throat.

Rey nodded and kissed him. “If I’m still here.” She kissed his fingertips before letting him go. 

Ren lifted his helmet over his head and he was Supreme Leader, it was like looking at another man. Not the man, the monster. She frowned.

With the door open she listened to his footsteps as he left.

Sighing, Rey picked up the pen she had thrown at Ren. Then she trailed into the corridor. The stormtroopers tightened their stance at her approach.

“Thank you for this Gem, it’s beautiful. Did you make it?” Rey touched the necklace.

Gem nodded and Rey can feel her warm pleasure at the rare praise.

Sixer shuffled and Rey heard the slightest hint of a sigh. She felt a shade of Ren’s force in the woman’s mind. Another mystery, another wall.

Rey issued a few orders to the stormtroopers. She gently used mind force to ensure her instructions were followed and she listened as the surly Sixer repeated them over her radio.

“Immediately! The woman barked. If I don’t see droids within the next hour there will be consequences.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biggest thank you to Avid Reader for reading my this and the next few chapters to help me get on track. Her help has been awesome, as there were some things that were jarring. 
> 
> I hope this is better Avid?
> 
> We will clear up at least hmmm, two of the mysteries in the next chapters.


	15. Chapter 15

The Rescindere circled in a slow orbit around Nal Hutta, the swampy home planet of the Hutt clans in the Outer Rim. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren walked, constantly moving as the ships many bridge officers worked to keep the ship out of the way of the planet’s rocky ring system.

He kept his eyes focused on the spinning space debris, the way it moved, the way it would smash everything in its path. Ren’s head ached and he kept biting the inside of his cheek. Everything was bleak and dull, like he was fully conscious, but fallen into a hole of blades that kept pricking and stabbing one thousand cuts. That was on the inside. Outwardly he paced; he had to keep moving. 

One of his many secretaries hovered next to him, scrambling to keep up with the Supreme Leader’s hand over fist movements. He held a lit comm screen and read out a contract the Hutts had offered the First Order.

"Twelve, no ten maximum stormtroopers to oversee the planets’ humanoid banking building, and they must only stay in the areas restricted for trade."

Ren shook his head. "They can go where they like."

“I'll ask the Hutts’ representative, Supreme Leader, but the air is not so good outside the designated zone anyway,” the secretary tapped and continued to skim the document. 

“Also, it's requested the soldiers do not directly interfere with the various clan families, but then it goes on to request some act as bodyguards...” The secretary had to dodge a chair as the Supreme Leader threw the offending piece of furniture at a wall. “At um, gambling events, a very original demand. Otherwise it's a standard outpost contract."

"That's fine," Ren barked and waved a black-gloved hand. The secretary thankful to escape from his violent employer moved away to complete the paperwork.

Ren gathered his force into a hard, crackling weapon weakly corralled by his crumbling walls. He started to sweat under his helmet. A panel on the wall caught his attention. One of the red button’s LED light flickered. It spluttered the last of its energy uselessly unseen by anyone else. Nobody cared about this switch. This light. It could turn off now and nothing would change. Why didn’t anyone fix it?

For the first time in a very long while Kylo Ren attempted to find that spot in the force where everything numbs to a cosmic level. A meditation. He took off a glove and wiped his hand against his shirt, he put his hand over the light. Just one little thing, if he could fix one little, tiny, pointless electric circuit then maybe he could move forward. Maybe he had some hope.

A stormtrooper approached the Supreme Leader. It was the female guard FE-1216, Rey had named her Sixer. The other one, the one who actually cared about Rey, GM-2122, was not far behind. They hovered uncertain at how to approach, he could feel their worry. They were like scared white mice.

Ren felt like he was going to be sick. His stomach knotted and re-knotted. The light dulled to grey under his touch.

“It is ready Supreme Leader,” FE-1216 told him.

"I'll take her. You get to the medical bay." He said between gritted teeth.

On his way back to his room, Kylo Ren exploded.

He carved up the corridor walls with his lightsaber, slashing the metal repeatedly until it was just a melted black mess. He pushed people out of the way with his force and they made hard thunks on the floor behind him. Their pained gasps and screams echoes in the wide halls but the Supreme Leader cared not. Even his personal guard kept a wide distance between themselves and their hysterical master, they soon fell behind slinking away to avoid the rage.

He punched the inside of a lift as the doors closed, the small bones in the Supreme Leader’s hand broke, but he smashed his fist again and again, letting the pain feed his anger. His breath came in gasps, the dark had never been so easy to control.

As he stumbled into the corridor that lead to his room, the Supreme Leader seemingly regained his composure, he painfully slowed his breathing even as he wanted to tear out his own eyes. He laughed at himself. A hollow sound.

There were no guards now.

He wouldn’t take his mask off, not again. He would never let her see his face. Ren strengthened his force walls, they felt tight in his growing dark, like being crushed.

Opening the door to his room he involuntarily put his hand over his chest as he looked at Rey’s smile. 

Suddenly he could understand how his grandmother died of a broken heart. He had always thought it was the single most senseless reason to give up on life in the whole universe, but right now he felt the threat of it.

Wasn't Rey killing his heart? He would never accept it was him, he had tried. She made him weak. It was time to let go.

Rey was sat in her dress, her necklace perfectly placed and her long hair brushed into warm waves. Her eyes were momentarily laughing at his entrance, a sweet welcome, forever unspoken. It was a vision of domestic bliss within his room. A sumptuous dinner was spread out where that morning they had kissed.

"Rey," her name fell from his mouth like ash.

Her smile faded, he felt she could see everything. He was sure of it, his choking force squeezed. 

But now she didn't guard against him. She didn't do anything. She was still, calm, but her eyebrows drew into the disappointed gaze he is so used to seeing.

“Forgive me?” He breathed the clip of his voice snapping in his helmet.

“No Ren.”

He felt her pressing against his walls. A picture of his own hands pulling at trapped force bonds.  
She didn’t even fight. A flickering light.

“Forgive me?” He repeated urgently, he had to hear her answer.

A glass bowl on the desk exploded and every other breakable item in the room joined it; the splintered shards flying covering every surface. 

“No Ren, don’t do this.” she told him, and her hand went to her blue beads. “I’m not going to fight you anymore.”

"Sleep," he commanded and he watched her fall.

***

The Supreme Leader carried his princess to the medical bay. He was met by the two female stormtroopers whom he knew Rey had influenced during her stay on Rescindere. He felt again their clinical despair; they rubbed achingly against his own exploding feelings. 

Ren placed Rey carefully in the chair next to the white-coated doctor and the stormtroopers stood behind the doctor at ease, blasters at front, muzzle down. Perfect soldiers. GM-2122’s boot scuffed in the silence, her gun dipped for a second. 

It was too bright for Kylo Ren. The surgical lights glared and the hovering multi-armed droids looked garish, like some type of spider-skeletons holding knives.

He crouched next to Rey’s inert body, strapping her down. He did not want anyone else to touch her. As he tightened the restraints he straightened her dress, glancing at the blue fabric under his black gloves.

The droid approached Rey, its arms extended. It whirred as it shaved Rey’s head to a fine stubble. Clumps of dark brown hair falling on the floor, the scar from her implant was fading but still there behind her ear. 

A soft curl landed on the Supreme Leader’s boot. He picked it up and held it in his broken hand.

"It is painless Supreme Leader," the doctor quietly reassured him, placing a map of tiny cables to her clipped skull.

Ren saw the stormtroopers twist their heads to look at each other.

The Supreme Leader spoke to FE-1216 as he watched the doctor work. He made sure the woman knew her orders. That she knew the consequences of failure.

FE-1216 has been promoted to Captain; with a new orange pauldron to prove her new rank. He could sense her confusion, but he was certain his soldier would obey First Order commands unquestionably, slavishly. They all did.

“Supreme Leader, I have to remind you.” The doctor talked nervously. 

“Even if the reprogramming chip is removed, the process is irreversible. She’ll only ever remember the replaced memories.”

Rey murmured and the doctor uneasily moved to inject her with a sedative, but the Supreme Leader brushed the doctor's needle to the floor; he was going to keep Rey locked in sleep himself.

“Make sure it’s done thoroughly,” the Supreme Leader answers. “I don’t want her to ever remember.”

She looked even tinier without hair. Ren’s black glove strokes her face. His hand shook as it moved and he leaned forward. He took off his helmet and the sudden expanded world made him flinch.

Ren pressed his forehead against her unconscious lips and whispered. 

So only she could hear. 

He pushed it through the force, through the sparkling, cosmic bridge between their hearts. 

"May the force be with you."

Then, replacing his mask, he pulled his black cowl over his head and face, he rose. Pausing only to rub the tiny red reprogramming mark off FE-1216’s shoulder.

“She must never find out,” he ordered the Captain. 

As he left he could sense Rey’s force. Her energy pouring out, pulsing and screaming. His body faltered. He stumbled but pushed on, walking mechanically. Measuring every second alone and every breath like a punishment.

***

The Supreme Leader returned to his rooms. Dark and suddenly oppressive they were empty of all things Rey. Rey, his one light, the only one who had cared. The only being in the whole universe who understood. A beautiful flower in his desert.

Then he felt pain that was worse than the swollen, mauled fist that now dropped her scavenged hair in the agony. Worse than the time he'd overdosed. Worse than the time she'd burned his face in the snow, or the bow shot to the stomach. Even worse than the torture Supreme Leader Snoke had slammed through his everything. Or when… oh Gods what had he done? Suddenly, the image, long repressed, of his dying father, cut with his son's saber, falling into a weapon used to destroy whole worlds broke through to fill his mind. 

Kylo Ren stumbled to the window and opened the blind, hurtling all his force at the clear plastic. The energy that it took to do this while having the bond torn away brought him to his knees, but soon he'd be sucked out into space. Soon he’d be free.

To his surprise the glass was clean and whole, unblemished. Complete in every way. His force could not find a fault in it. Ren howled in anger.

Drawn on the window, at chest height was a small, blue outline of a heart.

The Supreme Leader put his palm over it, and smeared his love out of sight.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends, please read the end notes after you finish this chapter.

On the hot, swamp planet Nal Hutta, Captain FE-1216 had nine stormtroopers to command. She ran through their usefulness as she oversaw them setting up the long-abandoned Galactic Empire barracks.

Five fresh rookies (though at least they had been trained from birth), and three so green they barely knew which way to hold a rifle. A protocol droid had been foisted on her, for use when communicating with Hutts--it was a talkative fucking lump of cannon fodder, but at least it could protect itself. And then there was that one tragic who ought to be stationed anywhere else.

Except for herself, her entire squad had been freshly reprogrammed. Her nine stormtroopers were still slavishly caught up in the wonder of remembering how awesome it is to obey everything their superiors said, worshipping the First Order like fanatical nuns in some cult.

Nuns they were too. Ten fucking women. Things were going to get interesting--good interesting--and the newest captain in the First Order was happy.

No more male officers with their snide, dirty comments or any black-suited bitches for miles and miles. Just a few thousand humanoids who had made the mistake of crapping out the rest of their life in this shithole city of gambling and greed.

A shorter stormtrooper sidled up to the Captain.

"Sir, should we unload the rations now, Sir?" GM-2122 asked her eagerly.

Captain FE-1216 rolled her eyes at the excessive and inaccurate ‘sirs’ and nodded. GM had always been a brown nose.

"Take the Princess... Take IN-13 with you. I don't think she's coping just staring at that wall. Keep her busy."

She watched GM-2122 talk to IN-13, who stood still, ignoring her squadmate’s request.

IN-13 seemed stuck, rigid like a toy soldier. She was a walking dream. Her mind especially affected by her newly acquired memories of battle and obedience. 

The Captain had watched the reprogramming of the new IN stormtrooper before watching the rest of them strapped down and sedated. But for IN-13 the process had been repeated twice. The Captain grimaced at the memory.

Fucking hell, she was going to be hard to train. If IN-13’s brain was all mushed, she could end up nothing more than a stormtrooper shaped doorstop. And if anything happened to this particular soldier the Supreme Leader would gut them all. Probably set them all on fire with lightning. Fuck it. 

FE-1216 kicked at a patch of sickly weeds. What would a Captain do now?

“Help me,” GM-2122 was pressing IN-13, steadily repeating the two words like a mantra.

Going over to IN-13 herself Captain FE-1216 poked her with the butt of her rifle. It made a black mark on her new white armor.

"Help GM-2122 with the rations, that’s an order."

IN-13 reluctantly moved, like a puppet jerkily waking up, to follow GM-2122. 

***

IN-13 looked at her hands in their white gloves as she worked. How she loved the First Order, how lucky was she to be chosen and rewarded with this work.

Her breath hissed in her helmet, it felt strangling, pinched and tight. It felt wonderful.

She must always keep it on.

Must always… she stopped to stare at her hands and the universe kept moving around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello? Are you still there? Hugs you all, gathering you in my arms. I was talking to Avid Reader and she was talking about self care. Actually she said it in a way, way better way than I can:
> 
> "Redemption stories are powerful to me not because they are about anyone's ability to fix someone else, but because they are about anyone's ability to fix themselves." 
> 
> It's time for Ren and Rey to fix themselves. Then come together better people. That is the end of part 1. If you want to stay on this crazy speeder keep reading, I do have a happy ending.
> 
> ***
> 
> Second Warning: Writing this, your second warning from the future - chapter 24. Stop reading after this chapter if you want a complete story with an angsty ending; but still an ending. 
> 
> Moving forward, I couldn't angst no more, not enough. I got *whispers*.... happy. And I started thinking, what if Rey found a family only not a traditional family? Who is she if she is not put in the box of The Last Jedi? What will Ren do now he's not controlled by anyone/anything? Left to his own devices could he be good? Or has he come too far? Or is he just a jerk? 
> 
> My worst crime is I put them in places and scenarios and with people that are original and completely from my imagination. Also other mistakes. BUT, that said, I love my story. I realise that's kind of like a dictator saying, 'my people are homeless and hungry, but I love my life!' so apologies. 
> 
> *Pulls out glockenspiel*


	17. Part Two

_All fine. Nothing to report. More fuel supplies ordered._

FE-1216’s fingers hovered over her comm unit. Writing had never been part of her duties before. She checked the captain’s resource page online for what felt like the twentieth time. The example report seemed so much longer.

The door to the tiny windowless office opened and hit the back of the crate FE-1216 was sitting on causing a cloud of dust to swirl through the stale air. The Captain turned and kicked the door shut.

"Knock and announce you fucking dipshit," she yells and repeats the word "fuck" under her breath. It was hard enough writing these dumb, shitty reports for the Supreme Leader without having to support a whole team of recently reprogrammed stormtroopers. Didn't they program basic manners? Or respecting chain of command? Or she would accept a little sense at the very least. Surely she hadn't been so dumb last time she had been wiped.

There was a timid knock on the door.

"Come in," FE-1216 sighs.

One of the younger INs comes in wearing her shiny new stormtrooper armor, she hardly fits in the small doorway the office is so tiny. 

"It's time sir," the trooper says and backs out quickly.

"Do I look like a fucking sir?" FE-1216 shakes her head and hits send on her message. She wasn't trained to write and there was nobody else higher up in this useless outpost who could do it. Supreme Leader would have to take accept the report or find someone else. She doubted anything even got to him, probably some public servant deleted whatever she sent.

The captain stood up, put on her helmet and automatically stroked the butt of her holstered pistol. Then she straightened her new orange shoulder guard. So far the promotion to unit captain had been a good one. In the first day they had managed to not die and get the ancient comm towers working. 

Now to bluff her way through at least looking like she knows how to be in charge.

Walking outside of the office-cum-storage room, she's faced with the saddest excuse of a troop FE-1216 has ever been assigned to. Only this time she's the one promoted to captain. What an honor.

The troops all straighten for her. Identical soldiers at attention.

"At ease," FE-1216 begins. "You've all seen the introductory holopad by now. We're here to protect the humanoids in the district, make it look like First Order gives a shit. Some of you may have to represent your troop at some Hutt organised events and by events I probably mean gambling scams disguised as pod racing or something equally mundane. Otherwise walk your set rounds, keep your ears open, guard the barracks and above all,’ she paused for effect. “My number one rule is don't get involved. We are all going to repeat this. When I ask, ‘what do we do?’ you group of fucking useless excuses for soldiers say, ‘don’t get involved’."

She paused again. “What do we do?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm.  
“Don’t get involved,” the unit intoned as one.

"Good. I'll pair you up, try not to let your partner get killed."

Pulling a rumpled scrap of paper out of her belt pocket FE-1216 reads off the pairings.

"You INs are going to kill me, you've never actually been posted before so you'll train with me every morning for the next two months. You think you know what you’re doing, but that's just part of the program. Your body and muscles need to learn what you mind knows, right?"

"Yes Sir," they all chant as one, their voices in their modulators like a chorus of sorts. The sound is depressing to the captain. How many times had she heard her voice mouthing the retort while shriveling up on the inside?

FE-1216 poked the paper inside a glove and decided to go ahead with her plan. Clearing her voice she removes her helmet, holding it awkwardly under one arm. She ignores the gasps of horror from her troops.

"I want you all to think of names because I am not going to call you IN blah, blah, blah each time I want you to do something. All of you got that? We're going to have fucking names in this unit, like every other citizen in this universe."

The troops shuffled nervously. Their recent reprogramming created the memory that they must only answer to their ID number.

One stormtrooper puts up her hand.

"Yes, GM-2212."

"Are we allowed to do that, Sir?"

FE-1216 sighs. "If any other officers show up here you will be called your serial number, we will all be our numbers in front of civilians and officers. Make you feel better?"

None of them felt better. The captain knew it, but she continued anyway. They would come around soon enough.

"You all can continue to call me Sir, as inaccurate as this title is, and while I'm on this subject of gender stereotyping this brings me to another point in this, my ‘maiden’,” she smiled at her pun, “speech to a bunch of useless newbies and a few older but still probably useless soldiers. I'm sure you have all noticed something unique about our troop?"

One of the INs raised their hand. Sir nodded happy to let her take the initiative.

"We all love the First Order and would give up our lives for our commanders, sir."

If only they all weren't so literally brain washed puppets after reprogramming.

"Yes we all love the First Order, but I was thinking smaller. I noticed, although it can be hard in all this matching armor, that we are all women."

The troops all looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes.

"Except for the Droid, who is more of an ‘it’, but I digress.”

X2O saluted from a corner. 

“IN-13," FE-1216 looked at the former Resistance fighter. "You are in charge of the droid. Make sure he is with any troops who have to interact with a Hutt, so he can translate.”

IN-13 stood silent.

“Anyway, as I was saying we are all female stormtroopers. Not one cock between us and I like that. No men here to fuck up the dynamics. So, we are going to work hard and make sure this troop is the best in the galaxy. Prove that women are the best soldiers, but don't think I'll go easy on you. Don’t think for a second I won’t beat the shit out of the first woman who even thinks about letting down this unit. Your assignments have been sent to your comm units. Dismissed."

They all saluted her in unison. She could get used to that.

Protecting a quiet outpost is good work for stormtroopers. It's regimented, safer than being a larger base, or worse some death trap like Starkiller Base. Best of all it’s far, far away from space. At least getting blown up on a planet meant a chance of survival, being blown up onboard a ship usually meant instant death.

In a few weeks the reprogramming will have settled down and life would be good.

Until then… Sir looked at IN-13 who was guarding the wall again, still standing in line after the rest of the girls had gone to review their assignments. She would give them time and patience something she never got at least not at her last restart. Sir turned to the one girl she could partially rely on.

"Gem."

GM-2122 pointed at herself and Sir nodded.

“That was your name. Is your name,” she corrected herself.

"Yes sir?"

"Take your partner to her bunk and make sure she gets some sleep. And both of you take your helmets off in bed."

Gem turned to clasp IN-13’s shoulder who stood non-responsive, but the two women could hear her breathing. Ragged gasps.

"Sir?" 

"Yes."

"What's wrong with IN-13?"

Sir ran her hand through her shaved hair biting her lip. "She got reprogrammed twice in a row. Fucked her up. She'll be alright." Sir helped to move IN-13 to her bunk, the two women practically having to drag IN-13 across the floor, before adding. “I hope."

Gem hesitating, took off her helmet. 

A spark of life flowed through Sir’s veins making her smile. There was her pretty side kick, with her chocolate dusted freckles. Sir wanted to shake Gem, to remind her of everything they had lived through, but Gem had forgotten. About… but, that was before Gem had been reprogrammed. They wouldn’t be sharing bunks anymore. At least she could look after Gem better now, not be so, so restricted. Sir internally squirmed remembering how little she had appreciated her partner in the past.

“IN-13 needs special treatment, right? She’s delicate. She’s like our, our, well our Princess. You watch after her Gem. You’re a good soldier, I can trust you.” 

“She’s weak. She’ll make the unit weak.”

Sir took Princesses helmet off. The girl’s eyes were wide open even though she sat still, straight, always rigid and still except for short jerky bursts. Her cheeks were dark hollows. At some time she had suffered a nose bleed and it at smeared around her lips, but her skin still had its warm glow.

“I’ve seen this girl look after you Gem, when I felt you were weak,” Sir swallowed and looked down at her knees, one jiggled slightly, a nervous twitch she’d spent forever to try to banish. 

“She helped you and I didn’t. It’s not going to be like that anymore, this is our chance to do it all right. We are going to look after each other now.”

They watched the Princess raise her hands to stare at them. 

Sir left the pair and wandered among the other stormtroopers. There was ten bunks, well spaced out. The L-shaped room was large and had tables and chairs as well as a kitchen. By far the largest room Sir had ever seen a troop assigned. Everyone got plenty of space. The building was an old one, it had been repurposed from a Galactic Empire outpost to New Republic to now, but before that maybe a school or a church. They even had a courtyard to keep prying eyes from watching them train. 

Sir paced the beds telling soldiers to remove their helmets and as much armor as they felt comfortable with. She remembered back to when it felt like blasphemy to be bare headed. All the women seemed uncomfortable, as if any second a black clad officer was going to jump out and tell them it was all a test. 

One that they failed.

Finally Sir got back to IN-13 who had, on the insistence of Gem, kept her helmet off, but was now cradling it like a baby. Sir gently dragged it out of her hands and put it on the bunk above. She waved Gem to her own bed and sat down next to the catatonic soldier.

"How are you IN-13?”

Nothing. Not a word had she said. 

"We’ll call you Princess, because you are special. You understand Princess?"

IN-13 nodded eyes wide.

"Go to sleep Princess."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of Forced Hand - dun, dun duuuuuun.
> 
> I'll be switching back to Rey and Ren POV, but they are all messed up right now. 
> 
> I originally named Sir Sixer, but she gets called Sir so much she has accepted this is her future. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has read, written and loved. You are all the best. You know it, I don't even have to tell you all.


	18. Chapter 18

Another day cycle, another gaping void. Through the triangle viewing frames of the bridge Supreme Leader Kylo Ren stared into the blackness of space. The way the struts fit together the huge window looked like sharp teeth clenching. 

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren had moved to a replica of the flagship Devastator, a ship Lord Vader once controlled. A vanity on his behalf, he knew what others thought. The Rescindere was newer, faster, substantially larger and better equipped. This ship was old, a copy of a copy, but he couldn’t stomach his old quarters. He knew if he had stayed he would have grown even weaker. Every corridor, every chair, his empty bed. All of it reminded him of Rey.

The Devastator replica gave Ren a renewed focus on his connection with the great Sith Lord. Kylo Ren had turned away from his own past. He could still turn to other pasts though. Perhaps here his Grandfather might reach out, might tell him what he would do. At times it felt like all Ren clenched onto was his ingrained will to push forward. To breathe. 

The stars shone like diamonds.

Seeing him in his mask more than one of the older officers, grey hair men in ill-fitting uniforms, had referred to him as Lord Vader before quickly retracting their mistake. So why not fulfill his seeming destiny? Continue towards the inevitable ending. Become the Sith Lord he was created to be. It seemed the whole universe was pushing him; the Force had already marked him as clearly as the scar on his face. Cutting off any other choices. He had to become the dark. From the start he had no choice. There must be a dark, and there must be light.

Kylo Ren had caged the light. He could never come back from that now. Rey was swept away, literally removed from the story, confined to the nothing she had come from. Let the Force deal with that. Let it work that little plot line out.

He watched as a battalion of TIE fighters flew past, practicing formations, turning tight then shooting up. Curious, Ren wondered if his Force could reach the craft, Could he crush them? Twist holes in their protective shell? Even from here, could he?

Ren raised a black gloved hand and focused his eyes, drawing the Force, feeling the pilots, the way their hearts beat, the rhythm as their blood pumped. That was the weakness, not the ships, not the metal or the computers. The living beings were the weakest point of attack, even as the fighters flew out of view the flesh still echoed.

“Supreme Leader.”

He ignored the voice.

“You’re report Supreme Leader.”

He lowered his hand, just a slow pouring motion, until his hand was once more hidden behind his cloak.

He should read his report he told himself. It’s what had to be done every day. No matter where he was. The Supreme Leader had ordered his secretaries to let him know as soon as it was compiled.

Sinking into his chair Ren allowed himself to skip to the only report he wanted to read. 

_IN-13 is responding well._

_Have had contact with the local Hutt leader. Officers requested to represent the First Order at the local racetrack by Karraka family._

_New bounty notices will be circulated._

_Intermittent issues with the comm tower unable to transmit in continued storms. Recommend booster installed. No major issues to report._

He reread the message. They were always so sparse and official, when all he wanted to know was how Rey was. He paused, no not Rey. She was IN-13 now. And it was better this way he reminded himself. Safer. Ren moved to the next report and the next. Making himself at least glance at each First Order outpost message. There were hundreds of Captains reporting everything from local unrest to supply requests. To hide the one tiny message he wanted to see each day he had to read so many others. General Hux had been very upset that the Supreme Leader had taken a sudden personal interest in what he saw as ‘his’ stormtrooper army. His eyes soon drooped.

Since the separation from Rey, Ren had found it hard to concentrate, to live in the moment as he had been taught when he was young. When he had been thinking about crushing the TIE fighters the pain of his lost Force bond had dulled, but it always leaked back. Sometimes a trickle, sometimes a pounding wave.

Ren wondered if Rey felt the same agony that stripped his soul to shreds, he fervently hoped she had been spared. 

His severed Force bond was tearing him up inside separated from its better half. To say it felt like part of his body had been removed was an understatement, because it felt like a slow, empty death. If it was only the missing bond that weakened him he could maybe cope better, but he desperately missed Rey. Missed every scrap of sunlight she had brought to his life. He wasn't worthy enough to even think about her, but the memory of her filled his every moment. 

Hadn’t he once told her, ‘let the past die’? How stupid he had been. Rey was in the past and he’d never let her die.

That she could belong to him was all that mattered, even if she didn’t know or feel it, or burn up as he did ever since they parted. It wasn’t perfect, he still regretted she wasn’t here, regretted her decision to reject him, though not the decision he had been forced to make. It was Rey who had forced his hand. She was his and would be his forever. 

The Resistance was frantically trying to find their lost Jedi. When the First Order had cancelled all bounties on her they had assumed she had either been killed or joined the First Order. General Organa had sent increasingly urgent marked missives to him. They all went unread. The Supreme Leader was certain he was still being spied on.

General Hux had been hard to convince when the rumor of Rey’s death started circulating. Ren was sure the pedantic fuck still thought she was around somewhere, but Ren had used the force to persuade several officers to confirm they had seen Rey’s body. 

They would say so under torture too, Ren had made them believe they saw her killed. One more horrific thing the monster Kylo Ren could add to his long list of perceived crimes. 

Slaughtered the last hope of the Resistance, dumped her body in space.

_IN-13 is responding well_

He was glad. Even reading a few words about her eased his pain by just a sliver. He wished he could ask the Captain to write more. To send a picture, but General Hux would be watching, reading, it wasn’t a risk he could take. Ren wouldn’t put her in any more danger. So he stayed silent.

***

“I advise we avoid the cost right now.”

“Since when have you ever cared about the cost? Let me remind you of your last bad decision…” The image of General Hux on his holoscreen frowned, hands behind his back, being his usual argumentative self.

“Let me remind you who is in charge,” Ren cooly answered.

Even when he was training he had to attend meetings. It was inane.

The Supreme Leader watched a group of Stormtroopers. Five of them marching, patrolling the large area that he practiced in. They walked past him every half hour like clockwork, moving always moving. Ren tried to think of a time he had ever seen a Stormtrooper sitting still. He mostly saw them standing, guarding, or patrolling or fighting. He had never seen one sit, or sleep or eat.

“…Unacceptable risk…” the General droned.

Ren motioned the battle droid to approach and thought about everything had read about stormtrooper routines again, the information gave him some small comfort. They had adequate sleep allocation and ample food supplies. The ones on outposts used revolving pairs of patrols. She would be getting rest, getting sleep. He had provided her with more than enough supplies for a unit. Hadn’t he worried over others noticing the oversupply? The extra guns, the blankets and the lack of cameras. He had been firm on that. No cameras. No surveillance. He wasn’t going to have anyone checking up on them and he wasn’t going to be tempted to watch her live her life alone. The numb Force bond twisted making him drop a little lower in his fighting stance. Just slightly, nobody else would notice, least of all a robot. Only he could feel it, the emptiness.

The General continued his monolog. “So you see Supreme Leader, it is pertinent that we continue down the path we have already established.” 

“Just follow my order,” Ren turned off the holo transmission using the Force, the General’s face scowling as he quickly faded.

Ren attacked the droid. Focusing on his form, he was making himself relearn the basics. He struck with velocity with arcing, sweeping motions. His hissing lightsaber carving through the dense opponents attacks. Too slow, he thought as he struck and struck again. The droid was good, and soon the Supreme Leader was sweating and his muscles burning. 

A little black cloaked secretary, a different one to the one who had passed him the Captain’s reports, approached, hovering on the edge of his vision. Ren knew they took turns giving him information. They were afraid, like scared little mice each taking turns to get an electric shock in order to release the cheese.

This one was a woman. One he’d no doubt pushed around or ignored her many times, but she looked no more familiar than any of the other members of his staff. She just stood, not even watching, eyes downcast. Didn’t she know he was trying to exercise? That he had just spent hours working? Why wouldn’t they just leave him alone?

In a mad rush of rage he grabbed the woman with his Force and she moved, tips of boots dragging across the matting until she stumbled in front of him. He left his saber alight a slash of red light against the darkness of the dim lit room.

“What?” He barked at her, as she hung scrabbling in front of him.

“Another drone Supreme Leader,” the woman gasped.

“Destroy it.”

“As you wish,” the secretary turned, tripping at the release of pressure. She splayed out a hand to catch herself. 

“Wait.” Ren sunk even lower inside, he felt her try to pull her frayed nerves together from where she sprawled on the floor, eyes full of fear. “Send it to my rooms after its finished decom. I will not have any more of this. I’ll stop it myself.”

He held out a hand to the woman. The lightsaber dimmed.

***

Kylo Ren’s new rooms were larger, yet more divided. He now had a separate office and he had found he liked the smaller space. It reminded him of being in the cockpit. The restriction of his surroundings brought the false sense of not being alone. 

The little drone’s message was long. It was the General Organa again. Rey’s foolish outpouring had given her false hope, it had flamed some need to contact him. To question, to negotiate and beg. Hadn’t Organa seen that clearly the slavery orders had not been revoked? That Rey had not returned to the Resistance? It was a breach for them both if the General continued her campaign to try and contact him. 

No doubt General Hux was already aware of each comm message she had sent, and now these fucking drones. It would be ridiculously easy for one to be captured and then there would be more fodder to usurp him.

He listened to General Organa’s voice without concentrating on what she said. It was not really a message for him he told himself, it was for Rey. She only wanted the Jedi.

It felt strange to hear her dry voice. To not have to guard against his own feelings. He felt himself waiting for Supreme Leader Snoke to punish any stray emotion he ruled didn’t fit with his dark apprentice. Kylo Ren touched his neck instinctively, the breath still came and his heart still beat.

His moth… the General Organa talked on and on.

In the weeks he’d spent alone Ren’s been productive. After the destruction of Hoanian Prime the First Order had become a target for many disgruntled governments and despots. The Resistance was hardly their most pressing enemy. They had been; he could admit the Resistance had done more damage than any other faction, but now were like a small fly on the back of a giant bantha. They were nothing. 

The General would do better to go back to Chandrila and retire. To leave the galaxy in the hands of more progressive programs. If she would just let him, Organa would see the progress they could make. In time he would get his hands on General Hux, and he would promote other, more loyal officers. The slavery laws would be revoked, that was something that Ren was determined to achieve. There would be no need to stage any more military actions once the remaining, more independent, ruling systems were under First Order control. 

He could do it all, he just needed more time.

“… Please consider Ben, I know Snoke is dead,” He heard General Organa’s voice hitch roughly. “Rey told me what you think happened with Luke. You need to evaluate your options and I can help you, I can help you both. The Resistance is ready to negotiate.”

“Ben,” General Organa called him.

He tried mouthing the word “mother”, but it made him think of… other words, ones he couldn’t think. 

Ren let his lips fall open.

He put his helmet on so his voice was confined to its twisted buzz. He instructed the drone to record.

“There will be no negotiation.”

The Supreme Leader halted the recording. There was nothing else to say.

Without the voice from the droid Kylo Ren felt alone again. He knew the returned message would only make General Organa send more. If he destroyed the next two, maybe he could listen to the third and General Hux, and the hundreds of other spies and criminals, wouldn’t notice. Like a beast conditioned to a beating he again waited for the pain to come after thinking about his parents. 

There was none.

Maybe he could set up negotiations. Not agree to anything. Trap them all. He could keep her safe too. It was too much, he swallowed. The anger was coming.

“They only want Rey,” he reminds himself. “She’ll never have her. Not now.”

Picking up the drone the Supreme Leader made his way to the ships hanger. His guard stepped behind him, ever his silent shadows.

Setting the drone into the airlock Ren watched it get sucked out into space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends. Have been writing like mad, and this chapter was hard. I like Ren, I wish he'd just move along a little. I think he's working out he can. 
> 
> Just gotta hang in there buddy.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts off with Gem's point of view and switches to Rey (who is currently IN-13/Princess). Thought I'd put that out there in case you started reading and thought, 'but it's Rey's turn'!
> 
> Broom boy appears in this chapter - the kid from the very end of TLJ. I've named him Dirk and aged him to late teens so he can *cough-cough-cough-must-not-spoil* So anyway, for future reference he is above the age of consent whatever that age is wherever you are, but still young.

Gem tested her arm. Bending it slowly down then up, she wriggled her fingers, rolled her shoulder and peered around the street. Hit by a rock the day before the bruise still hurt. She pressed the sore spot with the side her rifle barrel, it clacked against her white armor.

"If I catch those kids I'll tear their arms off. Fucking delinquents."

She looked at her partner, Princess was frozen at resting guard stance, feet slightly apart, unmoving, unresponsive. Not talking - as usual. It was going to be a long patrol. With a nudge Gem got the her moving. She marched at a regulation, measured stride, no more, no less.

Gem and Princess had the afternoon patrol shift, it meant moving along a usual path, checking the usual places for usual things. There was no getting involved with anybody, just stick to the script and keep being seen. They circled the roughly paved roads and past the elevated houses. Everything felt grimy, the air even clung in her throat through her helmet. The atmosphere in Nal Hutta was heavy. A hot, uncomfortable gas smell wafted on the breeze. 

The city was filled with busy humanoids from across the galaxy proving the vibrancy of life excels, even in the most remote and destitute of planets. Humans especially were adapt at making a everything from desert to swap their home. People spread, breeding, exploring and taking advantage of even the most inhospitable of places. 

Here on the Hutt planet hawkers sold their colourful wares, speeders thumped past carrying gaudy dressed high rollers to the race tracks, and church bells from one of the hundreds of religions chimed soulfully.

Gem watched a girl carrying a bright blue bird in a wicker cage down the street, the bird darted and flitted its little wings. A yellow beak dashed at the bars.

"We’ll patrol to the bank, we have new bounty lists to post. Then we’ll head to the race track." Gem suggested, and the stormtrooper Princess followed alongside, obedient as always.

They made their way to the bank with no more issues than a few passers-by loudly whispering about bucket heads. Gem was used to that. She pushed aggressively through a group of men gathered by the road, blocking up the walkway. Princess pushed harder. It seemed that was what woke her briefly, her programmed fighting instinct rose strong.

"Is there a problem here? Let me see your identification," Gem ordered. Her voice moderator clipped her words curtly. The men silently dispersed. The stormtroopers already had a reputation for easy aggression, quick to use their batons or guns. Gem felt happy she didn’t get any more rocks thrown at her and let the men walk on.

Gem had an important job to do at the bank today, a new bounty list was out and, although serious bounty hunters would have got the holopad messages, hard-copies needed posting. Visual reminders of large credit rewards could turn even the most sympathetic citizen into a nark. The bounties were certainly attractive for some of the Resistance criminals.

"Check it out Princess,” Gem held up a picture of a dark skinned male. “Five billion for the traitor FN now, double any other bounty. Fuck yeah, imagine what we could do with that. Pity stormtroopers are ineligible. We just do it for the glory. For dear First Order,” a hint of a chuckle sounded from her mask.

People came to look at the bounties as she plastered them on the notice wall. A painted Resistance symbol, smudged and dripping, was sprayed over parts of the boards, but it was soon covered over with a blurry picture of a wookiee. 

The Princess studied the beast. Her helmet tilted sideways. She raised a hand to trace the creatures face.

"Rebel scum," Gem growled as blue paint scuffs her white hand armor.

Princess shook her head slowly, but catching the movement Gem felt hopeful. It's the first thing she's seen the Princess take an interest in.

"Look at this one," Gem passes her a picture of a young woman in the orange and white Resistance uniform with medium length black hair. Her name is Rose Tico, last seen attempting to blow up a mining facility in Hays Minor.

The Princess stands unmoved and Gem plucks the poster of the rebel from her outstretched hand.

A roaring racket fills the air.

Outside the bank a convoy of speeders pulled up and a group of black-eyed Aqualish beings park, hastily on the side of the road. Some of the figures start towards the bank, and Gem signals to the Princess to take care, four behind. One larger transporter kept its engine running, the bulky mass of a male Hutt waited inside. His fat head glistening in the afternoon haze even as his servant boy fanned him. 

The girls go on alert as the group of Aqualish enter the bank. They brush past the stormtroopers with confidence and one says something in their own language, its white teeth-like mandibles clicking. The others laugh.

Gem can see the fellow Aqualish banker twisting worried behind the bulletproof glass of his desk. Fuck, trouble now? She bit her lip. They should leave the action to the droid bank guards. Even now the droids brandished their weapons loudly grinding and scanning, probably already alerted to possible attack.

Tapping on the tellers glass the head Aqualish barks commands, but Gem can't understand. She watches the guards waiting to see what they do before committing to the situation. They were supposed to not get involved. Her heart beats quicker and swallows dryly.

However the Princess, her usual sanguine self, watched the scene quietly. 

Meanwhile the banker started to get anxious. Voices were raised.

"Schley vote," Gem hears beside her, clear and calm and loud. She turns to the Princess and puts a hand on her partner’s arm. Why now? Why start to talk now?

"Schley vote!" The Princess barks again, this time firmer.

The Aqualish visitors kept quiet, they look at each other without answering, but the teller speaks, a jumble of words that Gem can’t comprehend. The Princess nodded then wagged the barrel of her rifle, it wavered around the feet of the four creatures.

Then the leader of the Aqualish start yelling at the Princess. Another string of unknown babble, where the only word Gem can recognize is 'Hutt'. The bank guards still seemed alert, but they didn't move. 

Feeling oddly left out Gem was left watching as the Princess headed out of the bank marching into the street. Barely keeping up she wondered what was happening? Had the Princess been programmed to the wrong language? Should she call for back-up? The four Aqualish comically follow the stormtroopers, pushing each other, fumbling and tripping. Leaving the droid bank guards to relax back into low power.

"Ex do Vos Hutt crah?" The Princess called to the Hutt in the transporter, putting her hand on the windowsill of the wide vehicle.

The Hutt looks around, then points to himself, and Gem recognized the phrase, ‘who me?’ A universal response to suddenly being bailed up by an authority figure. The young, human servant stopped fanning his master and stares at the Princess in surprise. He studied the stormtrooper, mouth ajar before shaking his head. Gem can only mirror his thoughts. What was she doing?

"Schley vote?" The Hutt bellows.

The Princess conducted a loud and gesturing conversation with the slug like Hutt while his lackeys stood around. When the Hutt started slapping his servant boy to continue fanning the Aqualish take it as a cue to return to their speeders. With a tap on the vehicle the Princess stepped back, she gave her rifle a final menacing shake and Gem grasped her own waiting for some sort of signal.

But there is none.

As the convoy of transporters move off the Hutt calls out, "bucket head" and the Princess raises her arm. Was she waving?

The breath Gem had been holding rushed out, she could think again. "What the Fuck was that?" 

"Bounced cheque," The Princess shrugs.

"Bounced cheque? What the... and you speak Hutt now?"

"Maybe, but he wasn't speaking Hutt,” The Princess turned to her partner, her voice sounded odd, probably from not being used for so long. “He was speaking Aqualish."

"Well obviously," Gem answers. "He obviously speaks Aqualish and you understood. You're a weird one Princess. If I’d known all you needed was to translate something to wake you up I would have let you watch some alien holo-porn, or something. Scared the fuck out of me when you started talking, what the fuck is wrong with you FN-13?"

They march towards the race track and Gem was happy a barrier had been breached by her partner, however uneasy the road was to get there. At the dusty outskirts of the racing arena they lean on the chain link fence and watch a bunch of kids working on scraping ash out of pod engines.

Gem stares at them unmoved, their tiny hands scrubbing with harsh chemicals, skin pink and peeling.

"Poor kids," The Princess mumbles.

"Get used to it Princess because this place is packed with tykes. Everybody got to work right? No free passes here. Fuck, no wonder you had to get reprogrammed twice, you're already soft. Anyway, if the First Order was in charge we wouldn't have sick looking tots busting their guts for the Hutts, they'd be soldiers like us if they had any sense."

"I was... reprogrammed twice?" 

"That's right, twice in a row I heard," Gem knocks on the Princesses helmet. "That's why you're a bit special, eh?" 

Sir’s voice erupted in their helmets making them both jump. “Where are you two fucking fuckwits?”

They make their way to the pavilion where the punters gathered in the shade, large outdoor fans move the air and the fake grass almost sparkles it’s so green. Beautifully dressed beings wandered as the long legged Fathiers were paraded on the grass, their giant ears flicking at insects. Today the animals were racing, before the pods. Sir is there with the protocol droid X2O and Gem notices, with a sinking feeling; that the Hutt the Princess had talked to earlier is also with the captain. She grimaces inside her helmet nudging the Princess.

“So,” Sir greeted them acidly. “You have been helping our local clan chief.”

There is nothing to say. It was not a question.

The Hutt rumbles, talking jerkily to the Captain.

X20 listened, his hands animated as he translated. “Belvi says he will forgive the earlier rudeness if the stormtroopers take his servant to see the Fathiers who are racing today. The clan chief would like an honest report on the animals. However, the officials are not always welcoming of spectators on the field,” the droid paused as the Hutt spoke more. “Stormtroopers would be excluded from such restrictions.”

“My officers are not here to follow servants around. I am sorry if they misunderstood your interactions with the locals earlier, but they are here to look after the best interests of First Order supporters.”

The Hutt, Belvi, licked his lips and waived his servant boy forward. The young man was the same one who waved the fan from the transporter earlier. He looked in his late teens, tall when standing. Dressed simply in brown and grey. Just a boy like many others.

Belvi spoke, he spluttered deeply in a Huttese rumble.

“He says…” X2O starts to say.

“He says, if we don’t accompany his servant, he’ll tell his ‘friend’ General Hux that we are interfering in local politics,” Princess cut through.

Sir snapped her head up and looked at Gem.

“Sir, IN-13 talks now, Sir.”

The stormtroopers were painted into a bit of a corner. They didn’t know if Belvi knew the General, but they also definitely didn’t want to test his influence. Sir waved curtly at the servant.

“Follow him,” she barked at the girls. “Try not to get involved in anything else.”

***

“I’m not a slave,” the boy huffed at an off-hand comment from Gem. “I’m not even really a servant, I’m a contractor now. I paid off my slave debt months ago.” He ran a hand along a Fathier flank as the trainer opened his mouth to protest.

“Keep moving,” the boy urged them. “I used to be a slave at the Canto Bight racetrack on Cantonica, just cleaning and calming Fathier since I was really little. That’s why Belvi likes me; I know which animal is in good health, and which ones have been - broken. Belvi brought me here to Nal Hutta. Just have to pay a bit off for the travel costs. That’s all. I’m a contractor,” he repeats the last words forcefully. Peering through the legs of another beast he narrows his eyes at the pair as if daring them to argue.

Near another Fathier he just brushed past a tail. The animal turned curiously to sniff the boy, it wuffed at his shirt. He patted its nose gently.

“Where are you from?” He asked as he turned to the stormtroopers.

They shuffle about. “It’s not information you need to know,” Gem answered snappily. “We are soldiers of the First Order.”

“I wasn’t asking you,” the boy, appraised the Princess, his eyes sweeping, a hand slightly outstretched. He is tall, under fed, his long sandy hair tied into a high, looped bun. He could be older than his skinny limbs implied, it was hard to tell. He reminds Gem of some of the younger IN troops. It was the way he carried himself, stripped of any excess, much like a soldier.

The boy looks at IN-13 as if she is one of the animals he longs to caress.

The Princess says nothing.

“I’ve finished,” Belvi’s contractor announces after he gets to touch a majority of animals and the trio walk slowly back to the pavilion, the lights come on around the twilight racetrack. Fathiers buck and move, small children are called over to brush their creamy coats.

“My name is Dirk,” the boy tells the Princess as he fell in next to her.

“Princess she replies. This is Gem.”

At the sound of her name Gem stops walking, before surging forward. She would have to talk to Princess about using nick names around civilians.

“Stormtroopers with names. Interesting,” Dirk tilts his head, his hair bun bobbing. 

They come closer to Belvi, X2O and the Captain, they are still surrounded by punters. The stormtroopers are just white and black accessories to the sparkling glasses being rapidly refilled and red toned temporary carpets. 

Dirk smiled at the Princess, a wide, open smile. “If you ever need anything, ask for me at the bank you were at today, remember to ask for Dirk. I can do more than inspect animals and wave a fan. I can be… Well, I am resourceful,” he bowed to the pair and moved away, his master Belvi lent down to hear Dirk’s whispered report.

**

After their shift the pair returned to the barracks with Sir and X20. The Princesses broken silence, language abilities and interference with the locals got her a one-on-one meeting with the captain.

IN-13 also known as Princess didn't know how to feel.

It was all a bit blurred being a stormtrooper. Like she knew she had a past, that at some time she had been a child, and must have fought. She had scars and sometimes her arm hurt. She had got here somehow, hadn’t she? But when she tried to focus and hold a memory it was like holding water in your hand. The past couldn't focus. It had been recorded over twice.

"Take off your helmet Princess," the Captain ordered as they sit down in her office, which was looking more and more like a storage room.

The Princess took it off slowly, her dark hair had started to grow. It itched in the air. She rubbed the back of her scalp dislodging a cloud of dandruff and the Princess dreamily watched the particles floating in the air.

The captain has already taken off her helmet. It was lying where it was slammed down on a box of bottled water. Princess doesn't feel quite up to letting go of hers just yet. It still feels fundamentally wrong to not wear her mask. If at least she can hold it, it calms her. The black eyes stared up from her lap.

"Mind if I smoke?" Sir asked and ignites her water pipe before the Princess speaks. Tendrils of spicy vapor are exhaled.

All the different movements in the air are mystifying.

"Remember the rule?"

The Princess nods.

“Say it,” Sir bangs the desk making everything loose in the room jump. “I know you can talk, so say it.”

“Don’t get fucking involved,” the Princess recites.

"Good, you did good today kid. You kept the peace, I get it, I really do. You think you can help, that’s your reprogramming kicking in,” Sir stopped and inhaled, her lips puckered on the pipe. “Or cutting back. Something woke you up.” She exhales a stream of smoke through her nose, she points her finger accusingly at the stormtrooper. “Don’t fucking do it again, don’t talk to anyone unless you have to, especially not the Hutts and that's an order."

"Can I ask a question, Sir?"

"You can try."

"Why was I reprogrammed twice?"

The captain shrugged. “Did Gem tell you that? She’s such a gossip,” Sir's face twisted into a frown, she ran a hand through her own greying, shaved head. “Why are any of us? We fuck up somewhere. You must have fucked up something really bad. I'm surprised they didn't do me, but I got lucky, I got special treatment. Now I'm half way to... anyway. Keep your head down, this is a good post, believe me. Try not to think about the past, because it will mess you up. Live for now soldier. You want glory for the First Order right?"

"Glory for the First Order," the Princess breathlessly replies. Yes, that was what she wanted more than anything. The First Order would bring peace and unity to the galaxy. The Supreme Leader would guide them. The...

"…Supreme Leader," the Princess says out loud, she can’t stop her mouth, the words tumble out. A pressing blanket of black sweeps her mind.

The captain whooshes out a cloud of steam, coughing slightly and starts to straighten her orange pauldron.

"Look soldier you have to get online, start looking after your unit. Right now you are my weakest link, and Princess let me tell you what you may not have realised. You haven't even got it the fucking worst look at FE- 2872."

"FE-2872, Sir?" 

“The girls have given her a rather cruel nick name so I've reverted back to her code."

The Princess still didn't comprehend. Sifting through her limited memory she remembered FE-2872 wasn't allowed to patrols. She had to stay in barracks and did most of the food preparation or guarded, standing outside close to home. Maybe she was disabled in some way? 

"I don’t…”

“She's pregnant you dope."

Realization dawned on the Princesses face. That did explain the nickname also. She had been called, the Princess blushed, some of the other girls had cruelly called her cum-bucket. Why had she never thought about FE-2872? Or any of them. It was like she was waking from a dream. She felt suddenly ill, her stomach knotted.

The Princess held up her hands to stare at them and, without support, her helmet fell onto the floor with a clunk, it rolled awkwardly against a crate.

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re talking, I thought you were,” Sir pointed to her head and twirls a finger while whistling. “Dismissed Princess, and send Gem in.”

The Princess retrieved her helmet and wandered out to the barracks living area. Gem had been standing outside. She grimaced at the Princess and entered the office without prompting.

Looking around the room the Princess still felt nauseous, she suddenly doesn’t want to put her helmet back on. In fact she wonders why she ever wanted to put it on? She heard Sir yelling at Gem for not knocking before entering the office.

A young girl approached her, just a teenager. It’s Inna the Princess reminds herself. An IN serial stormtrooper just like herself.

“Did you get in trouble?” Inna asked.

The Princess wiggles her hand, palm down, then thumb up towards finger. The symbol for ‘a little’.

“Did she make you watch the ‘inspirational’ films with General Hux in them?”

The Princess shook her head.

“Sir told me we had to watch them every day before we came here. Morning and night. Ugh! What a pasty old clown he is.”

“Inna!” FE- 2872 looked up from bringing out a pot of food. “You will definitely have to watch an ‘inspirational film’ if Sir hears you speaking like that about officers.”

“Sorry, didn’t know you were such a fan,” Inna sat at the large mess table and the Princess followed her. Sitting made her feel less dizzy.

“Are you feeling well?” FE-2872 asked her kindly. The Princess felt the older woman’s hand on her shoulder as she passed. She realized FE- 2872 had been touching her like this for weeks, but this was the first time she felt it.

“A little like I’m waking up, it feels strange. I think part of me is missing…” 

“You’re brain?” Inna filled in and FE- 2872 smothered a laugh.

The Princess smiled at Inna, the girl was young and funny, the joking baby of the unit. “At least I’m not in love with a certain red hair General.”

Inna laughed a loud rush of sound, like a child laughs, she jammed a hand over her mouth and eyed the office door.

That meal the Princess could taste the food, even if it didn't taste like much. She heard the girls. They talked, they argued, they laughed. She noticed that FE- 2872 wasn’t dressed in white stormtrooper armor anymore, instead her black clothes stretched over a growing baby bump. She noticed Inna and Nine-Nine, another IN serial trooper, could be twins, they looked so similar with their dark skin and eyes. Except Nine-Nine had a scar, it almost split her face in two. How she had never noticed that before? And for the very first time Princess noticed the Captain always, always sat next to Gem. 

The Princess was being born again. She was a daughter in a family of ten. She had a family. She would never, ever be alone, for some reason this made her so happy, and yet… she touched her throat.

“You’ve hardly eaten Princess,” Inna pointed out.

“I don’t think she feels well Sir,” FE- 2872 advised giving the captain a worried look.

They take her to bed, they make her lie down. A circle of women, a circle of hands, all lift and guide, but Gem shoos them away and helps the Princess take off her boots and armor. She stowed them on the top bunk in precise order.

“Well?” She asked the Princess pointedly as if waiting.

“Well what?”

“You are funny today Princess. Before you go to bed you always make a mark,” Gem points to the wall. A row of lines are etched on the wall above the bed.

The Princess looks at them. She’s seeing them for the first time. He hand runs along them, rough hewn strokes on the brick wall. Around forty of them. Marking each day like living life is some sort of punishment.

The Princess lies down and looks up at Gem. “I don’t want to anymore.”

“As you please. You were a good girl today,” Gem kneels next her and presses her lips against the Princess’s cheek, it’s soft and warm and sweet. She is aware that this too has been happening, like the baby, the scar, the family and the days being counted.

“I am happy,” Princess whispers to the shadows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Ren next chapter.


	20. Chapter 20

His new favorite thing to do was to make First Order officers touch each other. 

He really didn’t feel proud about the hobby. In fact Ren knew very well it was everything a Force user wasn’t supposed to do. It definitely went against all the Jedi rules; everything from protecting the weak to using the Force for personal gain. The Force, a great gift from the universe, a fountain of power at is slightest whim, and he used it like it was his own private soft-core peepshow. It was petty and wasteful, mean, cruel and controlling. It wasn’t even something the Sith would condone. Every time he did it he felt dirty afterwards, but the self-loathing smoothed over so many other emotions it was almost worth it.

He sat at a huge desk in the ships bridge, slightly elevated above the rest of the crew, and watched curiously as he made his pretty, young, female secretary stroke the leg of a serious man. The man was one of the navigators, he’d worked with Ren for years, yet Ren had never bothered to learn his name. 

Ren had told her to do it hours ago. He had all too easily touched her silly, scared mind and suggested that at this time, at this hour, she would stroke the navigator’s thigh. That she wasn’t to stop touching the navigator until a certain order was given. An order that Supreme Leader Kylo Ren would have to announce.

The pair sat next to each other, her hand rhythmically moving along the man’s black pants like she was patting a cat.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren could imagine the man becoming hard. The navigator didn’t stop the girl. He must like it, he must want the girl. They weren’t talking. The man was watching the girl curiously. Ren hadn’t made the navigator to do anything. The stroking was a gift for him.

Touching his throat Ren was glad he had his helmet on. Nobody could watch him watching. His head felt like it was going to explode. He gasped a deep breath of pain. Was this why vision of his grandfather showed Vader always rasping? Had he been in the same pain?

Ren easily forced himself to concentrate on the pair of reluctant lovers, to ignore the hurt. He would leave the secretary touching the navigator until they hated each other. 

The water in his cup vibrated, it rippled. Somewhere in the ship something moved. A holding door opened or closed or something shifted. Maybe a motor, somewhere nearby, maybe a fan in the electronics under his desk had silently started up. Only the water showed the change. 

Then he realized it was his own shaking that moved it. Ren took his jittering hands from the desktop. They would not stay still, they would not stop moving. He shifted back from the desk and looked around. Nobody looked at Kylo Ren. They never did.

Hand on saber and the other hidden under his cloak. He walked down to the couple. The navigator sat frozen, mouth open, he brushed the girl’s hand away as Ren passed by him. She couldn’t stop though and she moved back to touching, stroking. Ren graciously pretended he didn’t notice. 

“My report,” he told the girl. “Give me my report.”

This was the order she needed to hear to stop. Her hand flew up to her face and the realization of what she had been doing dawned on her face. Her cheeks deepened to a crimson hue.

“Send it to me,” Supreme Leader said, and he gave her the chance to move, to get back to her own work station.

The navigator stared at his screen unmoving. Ren wanted to choke him, see someone else be in pain. 

The wave of guilt about what he was doing washed over him. Ren breathed it in raggedly. His helmet hissed. His comm beeped quietly, so only he could hear. The report would be in his work folder now. He had to check the report. He’d have liked to go to his room and read it, but he was afraid of falling asleep. The Supreme Leader really was working on too little sleep, but the nightmares were becoming frequent. 

Every night he dreamed Rey was dying, that she was getting torn apart by Snoke, that he had stabbed her in the snow. Her red blood on white. Sometimes he dreamed he really had killed her and dumped her body into space. That him believing he had sent her away was the real dream. She was dead, dead, dead.

So he sat back at his command desk and brought up the message he had ordered his secretary to send him. Today he could stand reading five other outpost reports till he would allow himself to look at the one he wanted. His eyes scanned the five without really reading them. Then they raced to FE-1216’s report from Nal Hutta.

It was long. Longer than normal. He swallowed dryly, was she hurt?

It was three pages of jargon and compliments. The last paragraph was the only one that interested him.

_… and therefore, I believe it would be of great benefit to trial a reward system to allow each soldier to have one day out of twenty to pursue their own interests. If I do not hear in regards to this scheme I will move forward with the new system._

Captain FE-1216 wanted her stormtroopers to have holidays? He smiled. One day off, every twenty days. He imagined Rey on her day off. What would she do? Not for the first time he wondered what she was doing now. With great effort he steadied his hands enough to reply.

_Approved as a trial._

Then he paused. He shouldn’t. He fucking shouldn’t.

_Send me the trial roster for review._

The answer was almost instant, the captain must have been at her desk. Ren looked at a simple graph listing the ten troops showing every two days one would have a period of 24 hours to themselves.

He only cared about one soldier as his eye dragged down the list. She was in the middle. IN-13 – Rey - in twelve days she would be having a day to be herself. Whoever she was now. He looked up the hours for Nal Hutta and calculated the exact time she would be at liberty from her unit. Knowing Rey was free while still safely in the confines of his First Order, made him happy. He took two pain killers and drank some water.

He should really… No, he should not. He told himself. Otherwise why put himself through all this? Why?

He checked how long it would take to get to Nal Hutta, tapping eagerly. Not long, he could take his silencer and it would take twelve hours, but he couldn’t. Not in a First Order ship. Hux would notice. The General would want to know what he was doing for so long. He wasn’t supposed to go anywhere alone anymore. Getting off ship would mean getting creative. He could use one of the confiscated civilian flyers the ship had collected over the years. 

If he was going. Which he wasn’t. 

He would definitely not take a First Order craft. But he would have to jump. Ren looked through the specs of the civilian ships on board. There were three. Two were usable. If he were going he would take the newest one. It wasn’t black, and a little work would blast the signature off it. He could be there and back in four days. 

Not that he was going anywhere. 

The Supreme Leader calculated how long it would take, how much fuel he’d need and adjusted the timing in his mind. He looked at the captain’s stormtrooper schedule. Looked at his own schedule. 

Then closed everything.

He couldn’t do it. Ren couldn’t send her away only to ruin her life again. Ruin his life again. He was supposed to be concentrating on work. This was the whole reason for everything. This was the plan, the fucking plan. It had been too dangerous to let her go back to the Resistance. She had wanted to leave. 

He had only done what she wanted. 

Below him the secretary who he had made touch the officer came back. She was standing before the navigator, she blushed, looking simpering and stiff. Ren imagined her apologizing for her earlier performance. To his surprise she sat back down next to the navigator, maybe he had used her too strongly, maybe she really couldn’t stop? Ren shifted in his chair uneasily and waved away another secretary who was trying to get his attention.

He watched the navigator laugh, they both laughed quietly, hushed in their open workspace, the girl and the man. The navigator put his hand over hers. It was so sweet Ren wanted to throw his lightsaber through their stupid heads.

Ren turned away and stared at his own gloved hands. He pulled one off and noticed his fingers still trembled. A vision of the blue ‘S’ pattern formed in his mind, but there was nothing. No return feeling.

If he just got the newer ship ready. If he had that small outlet, maybe he would feel better? Then if he ever needed to get to her, not that he would, then he could. 

He wasn’t going to see Rey, it would be insanity. He was only going to make sure everything was ready just in case.

With a swirl of black fabric he stood and scattered the people in front of him, all patiently waiting for the Supreme Leader to address their millions of requests. 

***

The rain always made big emotions in the Princess, she didn’t know why. Even the screwy, sticky rain that fell in spurts and then cleared to a fine heavy mist made her feel funny, kind of happy. It pooled in large puddles, the ground water soon stained yellow from the acid soil.

The Princess rubbed her stomach. She still felt nauseous in the heavy atmosphere, but today wasn't going to be ruined by an upset gut. Today was her first day off, and it only came round once every 20 days so she had to make the most of it rain and aching bones and all.

She put on her blacks, pushing up the sleeves, and a large, blue, linen scarf they all shared. She would have to wear her white boots. She had no others to exchange them for. 

The Princess rubbed a hand through her scruffy regrowth. Her hair was no longer a standard stormtrooper shave, it was growing dark and spikey. Gem had cut some stripes on one side of her scalp with a razor. Princess now had three lines shaved bald above her ear. It looked imposing. Nah, she looked hot. 

Inna gave her a thumbs up from her bunk.

"Take the Droid Princess," Sir yelled at IN-13 as she passed. “And Inna get busy, what is this a fucking circus?”

The Princess frowned. "I can't take X20 Sir, it’s raining."

"It's always fucking raining it's the wet season. Here take this then," Sir pulled a weapon off a nearby rack and handed the Princess an oversized long rifle.

"But siiiiiiir... fine I'll take X20," she handed the heavy rifle back and turned back to Inna and FE-2872, making a face behind the captain’s back, rolling eyes dramatically. 

"Want anything while I'm out Mama?" Princess asked the pregnant officer.

FE- 2872, who had finally graduated to the more suitable nickname Mama, pressed a hand to her softly swollen belly. "Maybe one of those blue iced cakes the Jang sell? The rations are so bland. I just need something with taste. Thank you my love."

The Princess nodded grinning and turned to leave. She whistled to the grey Droid standing patiently by her bunk, and X2O obediently marched to keep up with her.

Outside the rain was thankfully dwindling to a sputter, the Princess put a large plastic hat on X2O. She was the one who had to fix him if he got wet and the hat seemed to channel at least some of the water off his sensors. She tapped her mouth as the droid whirred almost silent.

“X2O, will you please go and see if the speeder is in street I can’t remember if Nine-Nine has it, but we could use it, if it’s free.”

The droid obediently walked around the corner, and the Princess ran for it.

Finally alone, Princess crouched in an alley breathing hard. The running hadn’t helped her stomach. For some reason today the gradual sickness had been bad. It made her head ache even and her knees. She walked it off coming to a bar near the bank.

A dimly familiar face looked at her from where he hovered over an outside table, he was open mouthed gawking at her, but she couldn’t remember… Who was this man?

“Princess,” he greeted her.

She pointed to herself. 

“I can tell it’s you even without a helmet.”

“I don’t…” she answered. Then she remembered. The sandy hair, the smooth, clear voice. She had met him back when she had still been half asleep. He was the boy at the race track. What was his name?

“Dirk,” she said. “Good to see you. But how do you know it’s me? I was wearing my armor last time we met.”

He leaned forward intimately. “I’m very good.”

“At what exactly?”

“At whatever is needed of course.”

This didn’t answer any of her questions. 

“I pass by the barracks a lot. You girls are quite loud. You call out to each other, and if you stand on the balcony over the bar I can watch you all practice. Waving your guns around and hitting each other. Lots of yelling.”

“You watch us?”

“Of course, ten girls and me a poor red blooded man stuck in this city. Loyal to the First Order of course. I’m just showing my support.”

“Hmmm, of course.”

She watched him fill a wide tray-tub with dirty glasses, his bare arms flexing as he tidied. He was wearing an apron. Dirk must work here, she thought. Of course, he was a contractor. He didn’t have to just fix races for Hutts.

“Wanna drink?” Dirk asked her even though it was still early in the day. The bar was quiet, empty of patrons.

She shook her head. “It’s my day off she told him, we only get one every twenty days. Don't want to waste it lit up.”

“So Princess, you’re not getting a drink. Are you getting a tattoo?” Dirk pointed to the tattoo parlor next door.

Rey thought about it, she stroked her scarf pondering. What was she going to do on her day off? Maybe this was the universe making a suggestion?

“Yes.”

“I was kidding, you aren’t getting a tattoo.”

They both studied the pictures in the tattoo window. Pictures of birds and hearts and girls with massive tits. 

The Princess cocked her head to the side. “I want to get one. And then go to the library. I think I want to study. I feel I need to be learning.”

“Alright Princess, it’s your holiday. I can think of a hundred better things to do than getting a needles stuck under my skin and study. Here…” He looked around and shoved his dirty glass tray out of sight before taking off his apron and balling it up. “I know the guy, I’ll get you a tattoo, whatever you want. He owes me.”

“Why do I feel like everyone owes you?”

Dirk looked at her seriously. “They all do.”

As they pushed inside the shop the Princess felt another twinge of pain through her body. It was definitely getting worse. The pain. 

***

The closer he got, the worse he felt. It was like their Force bond in reverse. He felt grateful he had taken a stronger dose of pain killers that morning. He prayed she wasn’t feeling the same, that she was spared the ache. 

Ren felt an intense throb under his skull in an alleyway between two buildings. He pulled his grey cloak further over his face and tried to shrink into the filthy, wet city. He radiated his Force just enough to ensure other beings avoided looking at him.

There was nobody in the alley anyway, except rats, and at the opposite end a young boy with a bandaged hand leaning against the dirty bricks of a bar. Oddly, the boy was wearing stormtrooper boots. Probably stolen. The boy was drunk with stolen boots.

As Ren moved closer the boy hugged himself and fell, stumbling closer against the wall. A wail came from his pale lips. The ill local suddenly looked up at Ren as he made to skirt him, their eyes met. 

 

And he saw Rey.

 

And he saw Rey being eaten alive by pain.

The universe spun. 

Rey wretched, doubled over then spat. She was sweating, shaking. He couldn’t believe this was Rey. Not this. Not this grey fleshed, skinny girl who looked like she hadn’t slept in days.

Before he could think, before he could reason, he forgot every promise he had made to the universe to ‘watch only’ and he was next to her. 

"Are you alright?" He asked helplessly. His head was throbbing, if he hadn’t grown used to constant pain he might have been as affected as Rey was. Ren assumed their bond was screaming for re-connection. He should leave. This whole selfish mission was a mistake. Yet he could not make his feet move to leave her like this. 

Rey crouched before him groaning before replying with little optimism. "Yeah, must be a bug."

Ren offered her his gloved hand and she gratefully accepted it. Pain was written all over her face. She looked like she was about to faint. Her ridiculous hair was stuck in short clumps, drenched in sweat.

"Come," he offered and pointed to a chair at a nearby bar.

Rey shook her head covering her mouth. "The smell," she said grimacing. "I'll be fine, just need to move." She vomited on his shoes. He could only watch; he dare not touch her any more.

“You need a doctor,” Ren told her. “I can’t believe… can I help you home?”

“My friend, he’s inside the tattoo shop, can you get him? He’s got a, a kind of hair bun, he’s human. Dirk, get Dirk, please?”

Ren didn’t know if he should leave her. 

“Sit,” he ordered leaning her against the wall, trying not to think how filthy the ground was.

Inside the shop Ren scanned the clients. A young man, tall and unremarkable, talking to a heavily tattooed being fitted the description.

“Dirk?” Ren tried.

“Yes sir,” the boy replied.

“You’re friend outside needs help.”

***

Dirk dispatched Ren to get water. What else could he do? He obeyed, pushing into the bar and pouring it himself with a shaking fist.

By the time Ren got back Rey seemed almost miraculously better. Her paleness ebbed, her face lost the slick sheen of sickness. She drank eagerly. Then the boy, Dirk, was holding Rey’s face, his hands on each cheek in what looked like a loving touch. Something inside Ren smashed into a thousand pieces. The boy looked less boy like. Instead he looked more man like. He just looked young and clean and whole.

“Must have been the tattoo,” she held up her bandaged hand to her friend. “I just felt like my whole world was ending, like I’d been shot in the guts, or cut in half. I felt like I was going to die. Thank goodness you were here Dirk.”

Ren could only stand like a statue, still in pain himself. He stood to the side as Rey said another man’s name.

Dirk frowned. “I don’t know if it was just the tattoo, has anything changed lately? You feel hot,” he moved his wide palm over her forehead. “You feel odd.”

Ren gasped as he felt Dirk’s Force. It was like sudden blast of cold air to feel something so foreign, yet familiar. The boy was clearly Force sensitive. Here, in an alley between a bar and a tattoo parlor. Ren looked Dirk over again, eyes darting, his own Force snatched away to hide. Why was the universe doing this to him?

A look of anxiety crossed the boy’s face. He stood and faced Ren with curious eyes. Ren adjusted his cloak. Nothing could be seen. 

“Thank you for your help sir, I will take my friend home.”

Dirk helped Rey up and she steadied herself against him. It took every ounce of control for Ren to not strike the boy down.

“Wait,” Ren said to the still wobbly girl. Her black clothing was smeared with yellow dirt. “I would like to know if you are alright. Is there anywhere I can call at?”

Rey looked flustered. “I don’t…”

“I work here most nights,” Dirk pointed to the bar. “If you want to know more feel free to look me up. You know my name. Sir,” he added with a frown.

Ren nodded and withdrew then silently he watched the pair walk away.

***

It had been a long time since Supreme Leader Kylo Ren had gone to a bar. He nursed his third drink. His hood still pulled over his face.

Dirk knew perfectly well he was there.

The boy had been throwing the Force at him for an hour. Yet he was nothing, no more than a buzzing insect. Not like Rey. Ren need only put up the thinnest of walls and Dirk was turned away. Yet he kept trying. The boy kept pressing.

“It won’t work,” Ren told him the next time Dirk passed, picking up dirty glasses.

“What did you do to my friend?” 

Ren held up his hands. “Nothing, I saw her collapse.” He felt a fresh assault from Dirk’s timid Force touch. “If you do that one more time, I’ll do it back and you won’t like it.” 

Dirk reached for a glass next to Ren. “What do you want?”

“How is she? The girl?”

“Fine, good. She is good now sir.”

Ren watched Dirk work until closing time. It was very late. It didn’t matter, when Ren found it hard to sleep without nightmare’s it was a welcome change to not feel obliged to try. 

When he was the last customer left Dirk took a broom and swept the floor. He wore a large apron that was covered in old stains and his top knot quivered as he moved, almost dance like across the tiles.

Ren turned to the only other person left. “Go home,” he told the bar tender. “You never saw me.”

Dirk continued sweeping as the bar tender left, Ren knew the boy had felt the strength of his command and that he knew he was now alone with a monster.

“Do you like sweeping floors?” Ren asked.

“Do you like being in pain?” Dirk answered. He looked at Ren with a smirk. “I can feel it, you’re sick. You think it’s the same sickness she had.” He swept on, making sure to cover the entire floor with the soft whisking broom.

“I want to make sure the girl I met today is well. I have to see her, and I don’t want it to be like today. You can help. I know the stormtroopers here have days off. I know your friend will have a day off tomorrow. I’ll give you credits if you take me to her.”

Dirk sniffed. “My friend’s day off was for today only.”

“She’s getting another. I’ll organise that part. I bet a dish washer could do a lot with a thousand credits.”

The sweeper stopped. Ren knew a thousand credits was more than Dirk would make in six months. He probed Dirk gently, touching his thoughts easily, like flipping river stones. There was only one thought that he needed though. The one that showed the boy had a debt to pay. He owed over a lot of credits to a Hutt master named Belvi. The Hutt owned the bar. The boy was not even getting paid, he was nothing but a slave.

“How much do you need?” Ren asked.

Dirk named the price, as his hands gripped the broom, knuckles turning white. Head bowed, eyes downcast.

“Agreed,” Ren smiled, his face still hidden in his disguise, and they shook hands. Ren was careful his skin didn’t touch the boy. 

“I can see you care for the girl,” Ren told Dirk as his gloved fingers touched the boy’s palm. “I can assure you I don’t want to hurt her. I didn’t hurt her in that alley. At least I didn’t mean to. I know your friend, from before… From before she became a stormtrooper. I want to make sure she is happy, that is all. I want her happiness.” Ren pushed this sincere wish towards Dirk. He let his guard down, just a crack, let the boy feel his Force. He wanted Dirk to trust him.

“So that’s your sickness,” Dirk replied, his palm twitched. He let go of Ren’s hand. “It’s the sort I can’t help you with,” he walked to the door and motioned for Ren to leave.  
“See you tomorrow, Sir.”

***

“I walked away to get whizzed up, but in the end I just walked home…” 

Rey sang softly as she browsed the bookshelves of the public library. She looked healthier today, like she had got a good night’s sleep. Surprisingly Ren, had also slept, a dreamless sleep for a change. Maybe it had been the drinking? He had woken up with a slightly blurred headache instead of the regular smashing one.

And now, after sending an order to the Nal Hutta stormtrooper Captain to give Rey another day of freedom, here they were. 

Ren had to hand it to Dirk. A public library was a good choice for setting up a meeting between a supposed friend and a possible psychopath stalker. He mocked himself, because that’s what Kylo Ren felt like. A dirty man who lurked around unsuspecting prey.

Dirk had sunk into the background as soon as he had pointed out Rey. Although Ren could still see him clearly, the boy was standing outside looking through the library window, eyes flicking between them as if to say ‘I’m watching’. 

Rey blinked, rubbing a rough hand over her shaved head and cleared her throat as she wandered. He stared at her hand as it moved; it had a bright blue tattoo of a lightning strike like a jagged letter ‘S’ from knuckles to wrist. 

The irreversible tattoo flashed as she hooked her thumbs into a blue shawl draped around her bare arms.

What had he done? What had he made her into? Here she was wearing the symbol that represented their bond on her skin. On her hand. 

He saw her strike the nonchalant pose of a stormtrooper at ease. Legs apart, back stiff and arms resting naturally at an odd angle, as if holding an invisible rifle. 

“Is there a problem here?” Rey asked him, eyebrows drawn together, as she caught him staring. Ren saw she truly didn’t recognize him. Maybe she didn’t want to see him, the way he really is.

He pulled himself up, twitched back his hood, just an inch. “I wanted to see how you are. Your friend told me where to find you.” He pointed to Dirk slinking outside the nearby window.

“He did, did he?” She scowled at Dirk and he disappeared briefly. “I wondered why he wanted me to come here last.”

“I was the one who helped in the alley yesterday, you were unwell,” Ren prompted, his deep voice sounding unnaturally high.

She eyed him like he was a crazy person and sniffed, turning half away. “I’m fine now sir, thank you for your help the other day it was much appreciated.”  
This wasn’t going exactly the way he hoped it had going to go, but what did he expect? She didn’t recognize him, he was nothing more than some creep stalking her in a library. He moved into the same aisle as her. Trying to look normal. Like a normal man, trying to talk to a normal woman.  
Rey turned to return to her book browsing, pointedly trying to end the strained conversation. 

Desperation pumped in Ren's veins.

“What are you looking for?” He asked a little too nervously before grinding his teeth in frustration.

“I’m studying to… for my pilot exam sir,” she motioned to the section in front of her.

This floored him. She knew how to fly almost any ship as well as he did, but of course the memory had been taken from her.

“I’m a pilot.” What was he saying? Why was he continuing this conversation?

She looked at him obviously distrustful, her ever sinking eyebrows gave him the clear ’disappointed’ look he was so used to. His heart almost beat out of his chest at the familiar sign.

“Really? What do you fly?” Rey asked.

He lied smoothly, listing freighter ships that regularly serviced the First Order. He could even rattle off specs, it was one of the few times in his life reading General Hux’s supply reports had actually paid off.

Rey seemed suitably impressed, her eyebrows raised a little and she smiled, just a flash of teeth. How he had missed his sunshine.

“My name is Princess,” she held out her hand, her cheeks showed the faintest of blushes, pink spots on too white skin.

“P-Princess?” 

They shook hands. Luckily his gloves were firmly in place, although he didn’t linger, worried the touch may break this spell. Now he would have to tell her his name. This would be a good time to walk away, how many names could he have? In a rush of confusion he became someone he hadn’t let himself be for a long time.

“Ben,” he almost gasped the name.

“Nice to meet you Ben,” she clearly didn’t know him. The name came easy from her lips, even the handshake hadn’t phased her. She was a perfectly polite stormtrooper. A credit to the First Order.

“Maybe you can suggest some articles I should study?”

He recommended some books for her to read on the library holopad, training manuals he was sure she must have already found; he hadn’t studied in so long, what he could remember was probably old. Rey asked him questions, good questions, about testing, the best companies to work for and standard shipping routes. He watched her chew on a nail as she concentrated on a clip of large courier he showed her on the library holopad, an ancient piece of technology chained to the wall. The clip involved a ship nudging another and demonstrated the damage a small knock can cause in space. Debris after the crash fluttered slowly through space hitting the windows of one of the ships. The scene cut to the captain’s face filled with horror as his crew hollered in the background. 

Princess laughed, burbling in rich tones of joy. Ben realised he had never actually heard her really laugh before. Never? Not like this anyway. Stars had they never laughed?  
“I have to go,” she finally gasped. “Back to work.”

He nodded, standing awkwardly. He knew it was an excuse to leave. She had 24 hours to fill.

“But thanks again Ben.” She patted him on the shoulder, just a feather like touch. “I’m really happy, you know… that there are people looking out for one another. You’re a good guy.” she laughed again picking up her bag. “Do you live near here?”

“No, I just ship here sometimes. Deliveries for the Hutt.” He wanted to push her back into chair. Force her stay, but she had called him a ‘good guy’. Good guys don’t hold women down in libraries.

“See you later,” they both said at once. 

And she left the library slinging the bag over her shoulder. He could hear her singing again as she rushed away. Thank stars she was happy. She was happy and well again.

“…and it drops me, drops me down…” She sang.

Nodding to the librarian Ren strolled outside to the elevated entrance, he watched Rey until he couldn’t see her anymore. He lent on a railing scattering a bunch of birds roosting nearby. He could feel the gutter trash Dirk nearby, the boy’s scant Force now familiar. 

“How about you work for me Dirk?” Ren asked the boy before turning around.

“How about another fifty credits Mr. Ben? And I won’t tell her Captain you’ve been chatting up her stormtroopers.”

It felt strange to hear that name spoken so loud, so certain that it was him, Dirk believed Ren was Ben, and it made the Supreme Leader cringe internally. Why hadn’t he said any other name? 

“You were listening in? That’s very rude. You need a teacher.” Ren flipped open his comm and transmitted the credits he owed. “How about it? I can teach you to be a Jedi. Better than pushing a broom around.”

Dirk thought for a moment and wrinkled his nose, he obviously didn’t think much of Ren’s offer, he checked his own cheap comm device and seeing the transaction come through. He smiled, a little fake smile.

“No thank you sir,” Dirk answered. “I don’t think I’m the Jedi type, and honestly I don’t think you really are either.” 

A local bird, small and feral, dislodged earlier by Ren, fluttered between them in a scurry of grey and brown feathers. Lifting a hand Ren froze it mid-flight. His Force controlled the creature. He held it up floating, unmoving, its tiny life ending like a candle being snuffed. Just a small demonstration of his power, the Force flowed easily like blood in his veins. After making it clear to Dirk he was the one stopping the bird, halting its tiny spirit, Ren withdrew his Force and the animal fell stunned and lifeless.  
“Think on it,” Ren offered. “I can show you more than you can imagine.”

Seemingly subdued Dirk bobbed a curt bow at Ren, but his eyes looked off towards the barracks before turning slowly back to the bird. Picking up its sagging carcass and cradling it gently Ren felt Dirk let his wavering, untrained Force flow enter the bird. The creature’s eyes turned from glassy to blinking, its heart, seconds ago stilled, beat again, its blood pumped, lungs gasped. Then in a burst the bird flew away.

Ren was speechless, his hands clenched. Force healing was something he had never been able to master. It apparently took incredible patience and peace, yet here was a boy who could make something live. The boy was strong in a different way, and strong could mean dangerous, but Supreme Leader Kylo Ren wasn’t going to add another battlefront to his already over flowing agenda. This would take time. 

“It seems maybe you could teach me?” Ren smiled at Dirk. He was so young and vibrant with a streak of defiance. Had Ren ever been so free at his age? Instead he had been training. Studying for what? When a boy who just stepped out from the washing dishes in a trashy bar had more Jedi in him.

“I’ll be back in twenty days,” Ren told him. “In the meantime if you help me to meet up with Re… Princess on her next day off I’ll make it worth your while. I’ll give you double what I gave you this time.”

“Double?” Dirk said, his eyes darted. “What do you want with the Princess? She’s a nice person. I don’t want her hurt. She isn’t just any girl you know?”

“I know,” Ren answered simply, this boy couldn’t know how much Ren knew she wasn’t just any girl, he looked out over the city, at the circling bird. “Like I said, I used to know her before she was a stormtrooper, that’s all. I don’t want to harm her in any way. I give you my word. I’m not here to cause trouble. You can talk to her about me, make sure everything is agreeable.”

“I want triple, and I will watch you Ben.”

“Our second deal,” Ren held out his hand and the boy shook it firmly. Dirk was not intimidated by Ren, he was calm. The touch however made the boys eyes widen, even the careful touch through the gloves. Ren drew back quickly. He didn’t want any more Force bonds created. 

Ren felt the boy had seen more than what he had wanted to show. What had Dirk seen? He felt sure his walls had been secure. 

Saluting Ren mockingly in a ghoulish copy of a First Order soldier Dirk turned to go. 

“I’ll find you next time you want a date with the Princess, if you have the credits. I want payment in advance.”

“Will you tell her?” Ren asked.

Dirk chuckled mockingly as he walked away, he called out loudly, so the entire street could hear. “Will you… Ben?”

***

The visit had not gone to plan. Rejected by Rey and Dirk, Ren felt hardly on their radar. Rey had had been clearly underwhelmed, even with the slightly positive end to their meeting. He could also have imagined her warmth, had her interest just been politeness? Ren felt like he had been pushy in his attentions. She had not really been amused, he convinced himself. No she had not been impressed. Not even as Ben could he tempt her for one instant. 

If they didn’t have a Force bond what was he to her? What worth could he offer her? Perhaps she would never be interested or was never interested in Ren the person, just Ren the powerful. 

Dirk, on the other hand, his example of his Force had been incredible. Like nothing, nothing Ren had ever seen, even as a student with many other Force sensitive children. Healing was a lost art and yet, a random slave boy could use it as easy as he could breathe. He would have to convince Dirk to join him.  
Or not.

Could he leave Dirk to just live his life? Why twist another young man to the dark? Yet the longing to connect with another, to teach, to understand was strong. Rey didn’t want Kylo Ren as a teacher. He could try again with the boy instead. He thought on the fabled relationships between Jedi and padawan. For some reason he didn’t want to think of the alternative. 

The relationship between Sith and student.

That relationship was not him. He could not be that, and yet… he knew well how to do it. Supreme Leader Snoke had demonstrated the way to break and twist the mind. Ren could plant a seed. that the boy was misunderstood, that he was worth so much more, that if he joined the First Order he could stop the slavery that trapped his friends and he could save the sick throughout the whole universe. It was all true, even if along the way he had to give away pieces of himself to earn the power, even if it had to be burned out of him. If Dirk came to crave the strength, to achieve his goals at whatever cost, to help sweep away the old regime and lead the new then...

“Then he would be me,” Ren thought to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What would I do if I had the power of the Force? Make people inappropriately touch each other of course...


	21. Chapter 21

Standing in the small office space next to Inna the Princess shuffled slowly from one foot to the other. They were into their second hour of watching recordings of General Hux’s ‘inspirational’ stormtrooper propaganda on the unit’s shared holo screen. His rambling voice overlapped pictures of armored units delivering food to starving beings with children’s hands reaching towards rice bags, tears on faces. The endless, bloody scenes of humanitarian works were cut with various Rebellion caused explosions, and questions about how anyone could stand by and let such horrors continue, when they could fight with the First Order for a better future? If only the pale General’s voice wasn’t so monotone and the girls so easily distracted.

Sir had left the pair to their punishment. Three hours of reconditioning. Three hours of standing and watching. Inna had a week of this daily penance, while the Princess had earned herself twenty days. She had disobeyed the order to take X20 with her on her scheduled day off. She had also got a tattoo, a violation of accepted body modification, and worst of all, she had introduced Dirk to the women of the barracks.

Inna sighed.

The Princess stared at the screen, hands behind back. A copy of the General’s pose when he appeared on screen.

“So here we are,” Inna smiled at the Princess.

Silence.

Inna started to whistle. She shuffled quietly around the tight space in the office and peered into boxes, sifting through rations and power packs for contraband.

“You’ll get more time,” the Princess warned, but Inna did not seem too worried. She whistled louder to hide the shuffling of boxes and papers.

“Ah ha,” she finally whispered and pulled something red out of Sir’s bottom desk drawer.

The Princess rolled her eyes as Inna brandished a large jelly-like dildo in her face. “This is mine,” Inna shoved the dong down the front of her armor. "Imagine where it's been," she grimaced at the Princess and returned to standing in from of the Comm screen.

Just in time too, as Sir pushed herself halfway through the door, her hand resting on her blaster. There was not enough room for three people to comfortably stand. The Captain peered at the girls suspiciously and left slamming the door.

“Bitch,” said Inna under her breath and resumed whistling.

“My day off tomorrow,” Inna told Princess, as if all the girls hadn’t memorized the roster the second they had discovered they had been selected for the new respite program. “I’m going to get a tattoo too, somewhere the Captain won’t see,” she lent closer to the Princess. “Dirk said he’d take me. Someone owes him a favor.”

The Princess thought about Dirk watching the stormtroopers fighting in their courtyard, and how ardently he enjoyed their recent company. Lately he seemed to haunt the barracks, banned of course, banned in the first five minutes of introduction. Yet he still seemed to make his way inside, like a little mouse he found his way through the doors. He was the reason Inna was here now. She had invited him inside on a night when the Captain was on patrol and they had played cards in the courtyard. He had let the beautiful Inna win, feeding her every hand as if he hadn’t cheated each combination. It had been sweet to watch the young people. Until the Captain had returned and pointed a rifle at his head. The boy had got a black eye for his trouble, but was unrepentant. His slight, rebellious ways had instantly attracted the younger girls to him. A fact the Princess was sure he was well aware of.

“I’d watch him, everyone owes Dirk a favor,” she warned.

“I’m not _watching _Dirk, don’t get any ideas Princess. Also he owes me a favor, I’m stuck here listening to that red haired fuck-face because of him.”__

____

____

“Inna! That’s our General, he works very hard to look after us all.” She was earnest in her praise. After listening to hours and hours of her commander's boring, but no less sincere, recordings over seventeen days it was starting to make perfect sense. How she did love the First Order. And some day she might even get to fly for them. To deliver the food for the starving children.

“I forgot he was your boyfriend,” Inna quipped. “At least the uniform looks good. What I wouldn’t give for a nice young thing in black to notice me. Hey,” she turned to the Princess. “Wanna make out while we wait? Fill in the time.”

She pulled out the red dildo and poked the Princess, lewdly dragging the tip along her neck.

The Princess sighed. She did not want to kiss Inna. At least not in front of the General. 

“We could pretend it’s his…” She pressed it against the Princesses cheek. “It’s red enough.”

“Maybe later,” Princess blushed, swiping away the cock in her face.

Inna just whistled and rearranged the dong back against her leg. 

After the three hours were up Inna disappeared to safely dispose of her reclaimed treasure and the Princess found Gem waiting for her. 

The girls headed out to patrol duty and met the flavor of the moment lounging in the building's shade. Dirk was talking to Mama who was standing guarding the barracks. Her pregnancy didn’t show with her armor on, but she often looked tired and didn’t move far. It was agreed by all that she stayed close to home and kept quiet. Mama took it well. It would not be long until she would not be allowed outside. A pregnant stormtrooper would be soon eliminated from the First Order, and it was unknown how many spies, even here, were reporting.

Dirk was in the middle of working out a bribe with the expectant mother, his hand loosely on the woman’s shoulder. The Princess could tell by the look on his face he was up to something.

“Princess,” Dirk turned to her. “How are you feeling today?”

She tapped her helmet, her voice clipped through her modulated. “How the fuck do you know it’s me?”

“I know, what can I say? I pay attention.”

Gem scoffed, making a noise of derision.

“Gem, as always a pleasure.”

“Get away from the barracks,” Gem lit up her baton and it flared up in his face.

Taking a step back Dirk raised his hands and Princess pushed Gem’s arm down.

“Inna around?” He asked a little too innocently.

He knew very well the girl had the following day off. “Don’t mess with her Dirk, she already got in trouble from last time. Don’t you have a job? Or several jobs?”

“I have found myself a new employer recently, I work odd hours,” he shuffled next to the Princess, to Gem’s disdain, and the pair made their way on the rounds.

“So, ah, after Inna’s day off it’s your day off again Princess.”

She didn’t answer.

“Alright, well, my friend,” he stopped and looked at Gem and folded his hands inside his robe. “Could you not be here?”

“No.”

The Princess felt her stomach churn, must be all the standing. She probably should have used the bathroom before going on patrol.

She watched as Dirk lifted a hand, fingers pointing upward, as if throwing an invisible dart, in a clear voice he said. “Gem, go up to the bank and check on the bounty posters. We will catch up soon.”

“No Dirk, go away.”

Dirk slouched, he moved his hand a little closer and then back. The girls turned to each other and the Princess shrugged.

“That is something I have to work on.” He mumbled before continuing on with his original conversation. “My friend,” Dirk scowled at Gem as she leaned close. “Would like to see you again Princess. He says a First Order container unit fleet is landing nearby and it would be worth watching them landing... For your studies.”

“Ben?”

Dirk’s eyes looked away. “Ben, the courier pilot,” he confirmed.

“I dunno, he’s kind of…” she wrinkled her nose under her helmet. 

“Weird?” Gem offered.

“Slow?” Dirk suggested.

“…not my cup of caff,” the Princess finished. “I don’t know if I want to see him again, or if I should. I really want to concentrate on my studies. We are not supposed to fraternize with civilians. Sorry Dirk.”

Dirk walked silently with them, the clouds were sparse and it was unusually hot. The sun shone on his hair as he stroked the start of a very wispy mustache. He stepped carefully, lightly, he had a soft confidence that the Princess enjoyed being around. If Inna was not interested in this man, perhaps she should learn more about him. Civilian contact was frowned upon. but Dirk was more of an informant. 

He smiled at his shoes as he walked and the Princess watched his shoulders move under his pale brown robe.

Gem knocked her arm with a clatter and the Princess returned to staring ahead.

Dirk cleared his throat. “But, you want to learn to be a pilot, and here is your chance. Think about, the good you will do for the First Order. Watching how a container unit interacts will give you some insight into the inner workings. I believe stormtroopers are not allowed to initiate contact with an officer, is this true?”

“It is,” Princess answered.

“Then you will have little chance to train without some outside help.”

“Why are you so interested in the Princess meeting with this strange man all of a sudden?” Gem interrupted. “I don’t like it.” 

“Ben is a friend and a pilot,” he answered a little uneasily.

The patrol was forced to stop as a crowd spilled out a doorway. They watched a speeder fly past, slowing to avoid the crowd. On board a girl drove, her painted eyes glanced at the white stormtroopers as she traveled by and sped away, the machine quickly growing smaller in the distance. 

“What time?” 

Dirk gave her the details of the suggested meeting. 

The Princess stroked her blaster. She had already had twenty days of reconditioning, meeting Ben could mean more, but if it was to further her good work in the First Order, was it worth the potential punishment? Was this why she had been re-programmed twice? Was she some sort of bad, disobedient soldier? She so wanted to be good, but it seemed even the life of a rigidly controlled stormtrooper was peppered with temptation. A temptation it was too. She had liked the tall man with the deep voice and large hands.

“Tell him I’ll meet him there,” she said and continued to walk. 

Gem pushed past Dirk, shoulder barging the scrawnier boy.

“I’ll see Inna tomorrow if anything changes,” he called to them and turned about heel to disappear into a crowd and like a shadow he melted away.

The stormtroopers walked their path and the Princess could sense Gem’s disappointment in her decision.

“He is harmless. Mostly harmless,” she told Gem.

“Who? Dirk? Or some mysterious person? I don’t trust anything that kid is involved in. Last time he got you in trouble.”

The Princess nodded to a passing vendor and sighed. “Dirk actually helped me, they both did. I feel we three are… good. We will be fine. He is harmless. Both of them.”

She hoped she was right.

*** 

Later at the barracks the Princess collapsed on her bed and closed her eyes. The world spun. She had been, standing and walking for hours. Her stomach ached, her head thumped. The last thing she needed was Sir pouncing on her, and yet her head on her mattress seemed to call forth the fiery captain from whatever she had been doing.

"What the fuck, get off that bed now," Sir barked.

"Sir I don't feel well..."

"I don’t care, you never feel well. None of us do, you think this is some sort of health club?"

The Princess just stared at the metal bars in the bunk above her. They were stripes of gun-metal grey over her dreamless sleep. Let the Captain rage, Inna was right, she was a bitch.

"What's wrong soldier, report?"

Something in her training kicked in with these words and the Princess stood in front of the Captain, helmet tucked under one arm.

"Nausea, Sir. I feel kind of hot in my chest. Tired. Maybe I just need to eat? I don’t think I have today. I feel like every month I get worse, like a cycle of pain. Then it fades, then, I - I don’t know Sir."

Sir eyed her and shook her head, running a hand through her greying hair. "Poor Princess, hasn’t eaten. Well stop complaining and fucking get to the canteen.”

“Sir, yes Sir.”

The Captain took a few steps away and then stopped. Her head sagged; then she turned back. 

“Maybe...” she grabbed the Princesses arm and felt it on her inside elbow. Then the other, then back to the first and furtively looked up at her stormtrooper, her eyes narrowed. Leaning forward sir mumbled about reporting.

"I need a blood sample. Eat, then come see me. That’s an order, don’t mess about. I’ll be in the office."


	22. Chapter 22

Kneeling low by the mattress only the top of his glossy black hair and eyes showed, like he was a creep peering over a grey sheet fence.

The man on his bed was asleep.

Well.

Sort of.

He was in a Force sleep, a suggestion of pure exhaustion. The Supreme Leader watched the navigator breathe, his chest rising and falling, rising and falling under his prim, officers black jacket.

Slowly Ren slid his hand onto the bed and pushed his bare fingers over the man’s open palm. As if performing some perverse psychic reading, he traced the man’s heart line and then head line. Each fingerprint was gently touched, his wrist delicately drawn across by an exploring thumb. 

Exhaling into his bed Ren held hands with the unconscious navigator. It felt nice. Warmth. It was a different hand to Rey’s, it was bigger, squarer, there was sparse black hair on the knuckles, and more tiny wrinkles, and short bitten off nails. Ren felt alive the feel of the man’s touch. Maybe, he could pull the hand closer? Maybe press his lips to the outstretched fingertips?

He felt the man through the Force, he was empty and dry, absolutely, positively no response to any of exploration. Nothing - just like his connection to Rey.

Ren absently wondered if his grandfather ever used his powers to make staff lie in his quarters so he could hold hands and pretend he held Padme one last time? His eyebrows pulled together in a scowl. How could he even think such a thing? Darth Vader had never been that weak.

However the fantasy evolved unbidden, black armor and babies. Did Vader ever imagine his family? How it could have been if grandmother had supported him, if she had had lived and created a home with Luke and Leia. Except, how could he? Vader didn’t know about them until much later, so much later. Maybe this was how they did hide, Luke and his mother. All bonds broken, all Force removed, empty like cut wires no longer conducting electricity, rendering whole machines to the trash compactor. All for the lack of the Force that connected them.

He was growing overemotional again. These thoughts led to nowhere good.

It was because General Organa had sent another drone. Somehow they kept getting through. He had sent this one back unopened, but just the fact he was sending them back and not destroying them was some sort of message. Not one of hope though. She was always one to bang on about hope. More like he was pressing pause on their differences. Just pause.

He pulled the hand closer and rested the top of his cheek on its relaxed skin while sighing, just a small noise. He felt embarrassed that he had preferred the navigator to any others, but he’d recently got attached to the man’s straight back and languid resting face, reflected on his screen as he worked. The way he flirted with Ren’s favorite secretary, nodding and putting his hand on her arm. That was how this had all started; the Supreme Leader jealously wanted someone to touch him the same way they touched. Ren had programmed the man to sleepwalk, it had been so easy, but he was intensely aware that at some time the navigator was going to be seen, or talked to. Even in the middle of the night cycle there were guards and workers and droids.

He snuggled his face into the hand, faint stubble brushing skin. If anyone found out he would have to kill him. Not because they were both men. Ren was open minded enough to not care whether he formed relationships with any being, but the shame of making that any-being unconsciously a play thing, that was unacceptable. It was too close to the demanded, absolute control Supreme Leader Snoke had used. Had abused. Better to make this the last time.

But he had sworn that last night.

Except tomorrow he would be on his way to Nal Hutta, to be with Rey. The pain in his head strained and Ren brought himself briefly back to the hand, but his mind, his mind was not his own sometimes. The brown eyes, the soft skin, her smile. He would be Ben for her.

“And Dirk,” he said out loud. He really didn’t know why. His voice sounded alien in the silence. The navigator stirred, just a twitch. Ren let go of the hand with an impulsive kiss and turned around to sit, back against the side of his bed, wide shoulders hunched.

***

Sir was outside training when Dirk slunk into the courtyard, she scowled at him. Didn’t he know he was playing with fire? She could cut his throat and nobody would blink in this fucked up city.

Dirk just shrugged at her venom filled face and perched on the low wall under the tree. “The Princess gave me a job, c’mon I couldn’t say no. Anyway, you know me.”

“Is your job to sit here and watch us?”

He rolled his eyes and blew a kiss to her.

The Captain spun through her practice stances like a dancer, her unlit riot baton swinging and stabbing. 

Mama and Princess came outside to join her. Inna, who was whistling as always, followed behind, her helmet off, with a quick smile and quicker mouth. Inna's tune slowed as she spied Dirk and then a slow wolf whistle sounded from her lips. Sir looked at the young girl as if she wanted to strip the skin from her body. Inna just winked at her Captain and joined Dirk on the wall, while ensuring she kept an arms-length distance him. Oh yes, she knew the game, she knew there was a line drawn to separate trooper and civilian, and yet she stood inches away.

The Captain watched out of the corner of her eye the young girl and boy studiously not flirting. They were the picture of loveliness - the brown robed rogue and the slick stormtrooper. This was not to be tolerated, but for now she watched. No matter how many times Inna was made to suffer the daily messages sent from General Hux she would not conform. But Inna was only one of the Captain’s many problems.

“Duel us Sir, Princess and me.” Mama asked hopefully and the Princess put on her helmet.

Sir picked up her own helmet from the grass under the tree and straightened her orange pauldron.

Dirk chuckled and whispered to Inna who looked suitably shocked, burying her laugh in her glove.

“What was that Dirk?” Mama called out in the buzzing voice of her modulator as the three troopers circled each other their batons lifted, ready for combat.

“He said: in a fight between a pregnant woman, an old lady and a Princess, who will win?” Princess filled the others in while lunging at Sir, their batons clashing.  
They soon all found out that Sir with her years of training was the hard won victor. She quickly wore down Mama, who was breathing heavily after the a few jabs, she was easily very gently rolled over by the Captain and lay on the ground like a fallen bantha. 

The Princess was another kettle of fish. She was good, very good and it was only with her height that Sir forced the girl to retreat. Their hacking and slashing bodies backing into Dirk and Inna, who cat called and skipped behind the wall to dodge the pair.

Sir pinned the Princess, trapping her arm between the unlit baton rods, she hissed through her helmet. “Who’s the old one now?” 

The Princess surrendered graciously and the two duelers removed their helmets to sit on the patchy, long grass in the afternoon sun. Sir checked her comm devise. It was nearly time to send her report. It would not be a good thing to miss one the eve of the Princess’s leave. The one sent on her holiday last time had had been messy enough. After reporting IN-13 had been unwell during her day off the Captain had been ordered to give the girl a second chance.

Fucking favoritism.

But then the Princess was special. More special than anyone else knew.

The Captain extracted her vape from deep inside her armor and sparked it, inhaling deeply. On the wall Mama had become an unwanted chaperone for Inna and Dirk. Sir could tell the boy was itching to tell Inna something. The way he glanced at her face and moved his hands, boasting to the women about some money he’d tricked out of some poor cargo ship captain.

In her whole life, the parts that she could remember, Sir had never felt so happy. This was a good life, this family of women screwed up as they were. She’d be damned if she wouldn’t fight for them all. Glory to the First Order. And yet… looking at the steam curling up and tangling in the leaves of the tree Sir swore she would never go back to their silent ships, to gulp down her tasteless meals and listen to their endless propaganda. 

Mama took a fussing over her belly, chatting to the baby as Dirk’s hopes began to arise that he could waylay the beautiful Inna. Babies and flirting and family and soldiers. Sir closed her eyes.

“How long?” The Princess asked quietly. She stared at the Princess wild eyed for a moment, then realized she wasn’t asking what the Captain thought she was inquiring about. Princess was watching Dirk, his stupid poofy pony-tail bobbing too close to Inna.

“Till I have to break his fucking arms?” Sir exhaled a cloud of steam. “Not long. Look at her – the fuck head’s practically as red as a monkey ass.”

They watched the pair as they slyly moved away together, slipping into the doorframe. Inna retreating, blushing, before standing firm with hands on hips. She said something to make Dirk falter then he, in turn, brushed an invisible speck off Inna’s shoulder.

“Inna your helmet. Time for your patrol in ten.” Sir yelled at her. “There’s a shipment at the airfield tonight, they’ll want a local patrol.”

Inna stiffened and put her helmet on hiding herself, masking her humanity. The pair exited the courtyard with Mama trailing behind, throwing a smile at the two on the grass.

“Yeah, fuck off Dirk,” Sir added mumbling under her breath. “Fucking grommet.” Then louder. “What have you got him doing anyway?”

The Princess looked awkward. “Uh…contracting.”

Smoke curled again. Fuck, she shouldn’t be smoking here. Oh fuck, oh fuck. “Can I talk to you inside before you go out?”

***

The Princess followed the Captain inside and spotted Dirk and Inna as they quickly exited the barracks with another stormtrooper. Dirk, leaving last, saw her watching and made a motion with his hand, a kind of salute towards her, then a back and forth.

She nodded. Yes, yes, she hadn’t forgotten she was supposed to be at the air field also tonight.

Had she ever flirted with someone? She wondered. Had she blushed as he touched her? Was there a man out there now missing her? Or had his mind been wiped clear too? She hoped, he had been sweet and they had enjoyed their time together. The thought of connection and relationships made the Princess think of the holopad that the pilot, Ben, had suggested she watch. What a strange man he had been. But… the Princess liked him, not anything serious. She had just appreciated his sleek black hair, always hanging over half his face and his deep voice. So different to the usual feminine chatter or robotic like distorted voices she was used to hearing. He had been interested in her. Interested enough to want to meet her again, now there was the compliment. He had sought her out, knowing she was a stormtrooper, but still wanting to meet and it felt flattering.

Still, he was odd. But with Dirk and Inna and probably Nine-Nine at the airfield nothing could go wrong. Well, nothing she couldn’t handle.

Seated, squeezed into the tiny store room the Captain tapped on her comm screen while Princess watched, her armor clicking and tapping against the hard box she perched on.

"Fuck," Sir groaned and puffed on her vape before looking guilty and extinguishing it, waving away the smoke and sliding her contraption back under her armor. 

The Captain played with a slide, a square of glass with a blood stain on it. It circled in the woman's hand. The Princess assumed it was the drop of blood she had provided the Captain the previous day. Maybe she was really sick. That was it. It would explain why she felt so unwell at times.

The Princess sat calmly as Sir typed a little and sent a message. At that moment her gut twisted again, her head ached, she longed to be off and out to the air strip, free from direction and orders and too small rooms. Her eyes flicked to the inactive holopad and a shade of guilt crept over her. General Hux would want her to be strong. But... maybe she was too sick to leave. The disappointment hit her like a wall, but she held the calm, clung to it like a rifle in a field of rebels.

The Captain finally looked up and cleared a space on her desk. She got out the box of tissues out of her bottom drawer.

Princess eyed the tissues. They weren’t issued by the First Order. Stormtroopers don't cry. This box had been specially, secretly purchased around five days after arriving. As much as the Captain wanted to believe that a unit of female stormtroopers were no different, and probably superior, to a male dominated one, the tissues were a necessary evil. If a week went by without having to listen to some soldier describe her ‘feelings’ she was lucky. 

The Captain asked after her health and the Princess lied saying she felt better, but she thought her wan smile didn't fool Sir who just sort of hovered. 

"Want a tissue?"

"You haven't told me yet. Am I really sick?"

"The thing is," the Captain cleared her throat and pulled out a tissue. "You are temporarily sick. No.” she placed the tissue in front of the Princess. “Ignore that because in another way you are not sick. You're not sick, but it makes you... what I'm trying to tell you is, IN-13… Do you remember at all before you were reprogrammed?”

She moved the box of tissues closer to the Princess.

"No." The Princess picked up the soft paper and held it up. Perhaps she was meant to be crying by now? Was she doing this wrong?

"You are…" Tissues nudged closer, they were almost in her lap. “Fuck. You’re pregnant IN.”

The Princess laughed, a thin, harsh, strained noise.

“I double checked. Ran it through the computer a few times.”

“I can’t be. So the computer is wrong.”

Sir plucked a tissue herself from the box. “It’s fucking not wrong. It wasn’t wrong about Mama.”

"IT’S WRONG." The Princess picked up the tissues and threw them at the wall. The box exploded into fluttering white tissue hurricane. She felt like laughing again, because she had something truly, honestly sick inside her and some medical program on some computer had made a mistake and now she probably had a tumor, probably in her brain and people are telling her she’s pregnant. Which is impossible because she would look like Mama; all fat and moaning about her hips and really fucking tired. She was sick and some people aka the Captain, who she thought she could trust, were just sitting there with a stupid calm look on their face doing nothing. 

Sir got up and squeezed past her opening the office door yelling, "CM get over here."

She left the Princess alone in her office and explained the situation to Mama who sounded suitably shocked. 

"Look after her will you?" Sir begged. "I don't know what to say. She doesn't even have a fucking birth control implant, not at all. She came from the… she came from somewhere where it is probable, and with the medical report. Her recent episodes. I'm sure she is.” 

Standing up the Princess walked out of the office and to her bunk. She started taking off her armor. First the gloves, then boots, then leg guards, then arms, then chest and back. She looked at her stomach.

Nothing.

Mama sidled up. “Do you want to talk?”

“No thank you.”

“Because I ah, the Captain said that you might. I’m further along, but I can help. I know how hard this must be for you,” she put a hand on Princess’s shoulder. An unwanted comradeship.

The Princess pulled her boots back on and grabbed her blue scarf wrapping it around herself. “Nothing to talk about,” she elbowed past the Mama and walked towards the barracks exit.

She turned and faced the room her face felt hot, she burned, she was a volcano. She was going to die of some brain tumor while everyone lied to her. Her eyes narrowed and the Princess scowled at the Captain who was standing mouth open.

“I AM NOT PREGNANT,” she yelled and as she left she slammed the door so hard it hurt her hand. It stung and made little tears spring into her eyes. Because of the pain.

She started walking. That’s what she needed to do, walk and get fresh air. Striding unconsciously the Princess walked her patrol, not walking, almost running. 

***

The sun sunk, the evening billowed into force. The stars bloomed across the sky.

He stood outside the air strip fence and frowned at the First Order ships. They had arrived early. Stupid efficient workers.

Rey hadn’t come. Of course she hadn’t. How stupid to think that she would, he dug his nails into his palms. Aching to tear a hole in the wires, to cut through the ships, the soldiers, the light, the dark.

Dirk had been dispatched to search for her and he had sent Ben a message that she had left the barracks, but the meeting time had come and gone. Had long gone. Dirk had never returned. He pulled his cloak closer.

A bunch of children herded by a bored father stood nearby also watching the ships, they called out to the droids and pointed out trucks and other equipment. Their skinny arms stretching through the wires in their urgency to show their parent the machinery he could obviously make out for himself.

“Look, look, look, look a tractor!” One piercingly screamed.

Ben closed his eyes and shook his head. It wasn’t a tractor, this wasn’t a farm. It was an DL unit. The father didn’t even care his children were idiots. Typical useless, uncaring, uninterested, absent fucking fathers. His mind spat out the word like it was poison. 

Turning away from the fence Ren made his way into town. He would go to the bar, the one Dirk worked at, or used to work at, and get drunk. Then he would leave and order the whole town to be burnt to lava. He would create another Mustafar, drown every being in ash, and then build a castle on top just like Vader. Then set that on fire too. The destructive fantasy got him into to town, sweaty and tired from the walk. 

His head spun like his brain wanted to exit his skull, his eyeballs practically creaked. Then Ren stopped in the street, he scowled. She was there. Dressed in black, with the blue scarf, and the too short hair, and the eyelashes that he’d felt pressed fluttering against his chest, and no sign of any Force radiating towards him.  
Rey was under the tattooist neon staring at the pictures in the window.

She had stood him up for this??? For this! He had travelled for twenty-seven hours across space, stood by a fence and worried, and hated himself, and hated the world, hated the universe to be brushed off for window shopping. He walked towards the bar. He was done with her. Let her rot under a river of magma. Even as his mind pressed him to leave this chapter completely behind. His feet stalled and his shoulders hunched. 

“What are you looking at?” He asked Rey somewhat rudely. He was angry, even a strange pilot, even the perfect pariah Ben Solo could be angry for being so indecently rejected.

She startled at his sudden appearance and then slowly registered his existence. Peering up into his shadowed face. “Ben,” she said absently and with what sounded like an annoyed sigh.

“I waited for you.”

“For me? The ships,” she looked up, eyebrows drawn together in a frown. “I’m sorry I forgot,” she waved her hand at him, the one with the lightening S, it flicked under the neon, flashing from her skin. Dismissing him briskly. “I can’t talk right now.”

He took a step back. No, this was not how this was going to end. Ben could see her reflection on the glass, just barely dark and light in the window. She looked as he had seen her many times when they had first started Force bonding. Obviously annoyed.

“Are you… alright?” He asked in what he felt was a completely calm voice.

“Not really.”

“Are you getting another tattoo?”

She sighed again.

“Want to have a drink?”

“No thank you.”

“I guess you had a busy day.”

“I did.”

He put his hand on his saber. He thought about how easy it would be to cut her face into a thousand slices of dripping meat.

“I guess…”

Rey spun around to face him. “Can’t you take a hint? I can’t right now. GO AWAY.”

A challenge if Ben had ever heard one. He moved next to her and looked at the art. “I would choose that one,” he pointed at a picture at random and removed his finger. Of course it was a Resistance symbol hidden inside a type of tribal pattern. He had just pointed out a Resistance symbol to a stormtrooper. Not just any stormtrooper, to the girl who the Force, and the universe, strained to smash him together with. Yet it couldn’t be that easy, just to accept fate and move on to happiness. That would be too simple. So, instead he’d brain washed and abandoned Rey because he couldn’t deal with them being a ‘them’, with someone trying to help, trying to negotiate or even just live their life being a good person.

Only he hadn’t stopped there had he? No way, he had to come back and repeat the same fucking mistake like some sick monster. The monster must on some level remember his is. She hated him before, she hated him now, give it up already. He was doomed to holding hands with unconscious bodies for the rest of his life. 

“You don’t want to be around me Ben, I’m... not normal.”

He laughed.

***

The heavy beat of the music in the cantana filled them with its intoxicating base. Coloured lights in brilliant shades shone behind the bottles of strong liquor at the bar casting queer, upturned shadows on the skin and fur of partying patrons. The music and lighting choice of all night bars across the universe. All it needed was – they stepped past a group of punters celebrating wins by drinking their body weight in alcohol and turned to see the dancers.

Ben shuddered. He had bypassed the bar by the tattoo parlor and taken her to a nearby dance cantana. He had told her that he went there ‘all the time’ when he was holed up in Nal Hutta. He put a hand over his face cringing.

The Princess turned her face to him, looking up in the dark, eyes enormous. He could almost taste her unease, but he couldn’t walk out again after telling her how often he came here. This was his watering hole wasn’t it? He steered her to the bar and asked her if she’d like a drink.

Rey smiled at him tightly. Ren remembered that drinking was one of the many things stormtroopers definitely couldn’t do. Such a good little soldier. He offered her a juice but got himself something stronger. He needed something to numb the – he swallowed a mouthful of liquor and glanced around – dancing.

They watched the people moving, twisting, stomping and waving to the beat. Girls and boys in dresses and shorts that barely covered their bodies and some that didn’t. In the corner a hutt was smoking his giant hookah and stroking the chains of two beautiful slave boys decked out in nothing more than thin, white glow bands. The Hutt’s minions were taking bets for tomorrows pod races, even here in the midst of noise and grinning faces there was more money to be made.

More people came in and Rey got pushed against him, their arms touching, it felt oddly alien even though he’d had sex with this girl. It was too intimate to touch her, too much, his chest tightened. They moved further into the dark as the most popular song from two years ago slid into rotation, banging out an anthem for the masses. The dance floor filled with yipping people. The drunks tapped their legs and propositioned the singles who took their hands laughing.

Rey’s hand, the one with the lightning strike tattoo, suddenly rested on his forearm and the crowd surged as the beat dropped. He wondered how he had talked her into this rat hole. She had seemed so distracted and then she had told him she wasn’t normal. Maybe it was because he knew not being normal. He was the fucking emperor of not normal.

At least it was easy to blend in here. Just another two bodies in a mass of temporarily brainless beings. It was the first time he had listened to music for recreation since he was a child. Jedi didn’t really dance or sing or play instruments. The First Order didn’t have music either; it would be an unnecessary distraction. General Hux would never endure such frivolity. 

“I like the music,” he yelled.

“What?”

“I like the music,” he paused. “And, I like you not normal.”

“What?” Rey peered up at him her finger pointed to her ear.

He leaned closer his lips near her ear. There was the dark, the music and Rey.

“I like that you're not normal.”

She kissed him.

He froze as his mind exploded.

Sweet, sweet Rey.

Her skin was still soft, the freckles still spattered so sweetly and the curve of her ear was still intoxicating to taste. Only now he could run his hands through shaved hair. Stars she was beautiful. His Force sung to the beats of the music, overwhelmed with lust to be with its bond mate again. The constant knot inside him from when he had banished her loosened as he gasped into her blessed touch.

Tugging at his shoulders, pulling him down Rey seemed just as desperate to taste her new lover. He remembered how much she relished kissing. It was her particular erotica, lips-on-lips. She ground her wriggling body against him and Ben rewarded her with a deep kiss. On fire Rey pulled his face into hers cupping his jaw, drinking him up. Their tongues brushing and needy. It was their first time again, only this time he would do it right from the start. This time there would be no awkwardness or pain, only everything she wanted. Ben knew how to do this. He would take it incredibly slow. He would not pressure or presume or beg.  
He felt her hand on his dick.

Blushing, burning he halted. “Slow,” he instructed his brain. So Rey had other ideas, he couldn’t control her libido. The hand moved, it stroked. Their kissing continued and he melted as she brushed his cock through his tightening pants.

Ben became aware of someone watching them, someone familiar.

Dirk.

He slid his eyes sideways. Dirk had his arms folded, shadows and light played across his body. He looked angry. Did he have dirt on his face? Was the boy just going to stand next to them and watch? 

Rey broke the kiss and smiled up suggestively, she bit her bottom lip. Her eyes looked huge and brown. Gorgeous pools of want.

Taking the opportunity Dirk yelled at him through the music, his want slashing through Ben's mind.

“What?” Ben yelled back.

“Dirk!” He saw Rey mouth excitedly noticing the boy, her voice lost in the thumping noise of the cantina. She wrapped her arms around Dirk in a bear hug of a greeting.  
Luckily for Dirk he stood stiffly staring at Ben over Rey’s shoulder. If he had raised one hand to touch Rey it would have been cut off. Except the hug seemed to continue, and continue, and hadn’t Ben been the one who was supposed to be getting hugged? Rey was his and she was supposed to be kept away from other men.

But she was currently frantically kissing Dirk on his muddy neck.

He watched Dirk say something to her and felt a small surge of the boy’s flickering, untrained Force. At the same time Ren pulled his own Force into a raging storm of death. 

Dirk looked at him wide eyed, like a bird in a trap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while, sorry about that. I got distracted, but I'm back on board.
> 
> OMG, they are being so weird since I last saw them. Had the idea of Ren creeping on the navigator and went with it. If anyone knows of a story where he just harasses his officers lewdly let me know. I feel this avenue must be explored more.
> 
> Had a few drinks, so may have to patch this one up later????
> 
> P.S. Okay babies.


	23. Chapter 23

Sometimes you just have to break a little to build yourself stronger. 

Dirk smelt off, he tasted worse, like dried swamp dust, Princess lifted her eyes, heavy and half closed. She persisted with the kiss even as he stiffened and ducked in her arms.

If she was going to be… if she was, expecting, which she still had strong doubts about, at least enjoy the act of creation. To squeeze some life into her numbed mind. She had been with someone before, some unknown male, whether in love, lust or against her will. How unfair of the universe to deny her the memory, to leave her discarded and alone. 

Ben was eager, the tall, serious man was so hungry she could taste his desperation. Dirk was young and full of life. Both would do. Either would fill the empty ache. To her, right now, in her tumultuous emotional storm, they were walking erections. As pleasant as Inna’s red dildo and just objects to be used. 

Dirk pushed her off him like she was a wet towel tangled over his face. A firm shove, without even acknowledging her ardent demonstration. Instead, he stepped towards the pilot.

They put their heads together, Ben’s hand grasped the younger man’s shoulder and he looked furious. At least one of them seemed to appreciate her effort, he was angry at their interruption. She crept closer, swinging slightly to the beat, as the men yelled over the thumping base of the music.

Her head started to hurt again and she felt tired. No, not tired, she told herself. She was not dead on her feet tired. She could and would walk or dance or night. Mama was always tired. Isn’t that what mother’s universal say? Too tired, too tired, I’m sorry, I’m too tired. Not the Princess though, no sir, right now she could take down a bantha with nothing but her bare hands and a field knife. Well, if they were going to fight, she was going to dance. Feet started wandering into the crowd.

She felt the pilot’s hand grasp her forearm, a firm hold above the elbow and, with Dirk in one hand, and herself in the other he pulled them out the cantina door. The night air was the same stagnant smelling gas it always was, but a breeze dusted them. 

The Princess’ stormtrooper training rebelled at the intrusion of being restrained. How dare he? Touch her! Nobody did that. As fast as her desire to be touched came the desire to hate.

The Princess pushed him off, no longer interested in anything more than getting far, far away. She would go back inside and dance. Find someone else to kiss in the darkness.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He snarled and took hold of her arm again. 

Mistake, mistake, mistake. Smashing her free hand into his face, forgetting she didn’t have her gauntlets on, in a flash of blue lightning, she hit as hard as she could. Bone on bone, her hand made a snap on contact that sounded, and felt, terrible. Ben reeled backwards, but the strike had worked, he let go of her arm. 

“Stop,” Dirk barked. “Just wait, Princess just wait.” He held his hands up trying to calm the two maniacs fighting in the street.

“You broke my fucking nose,” Ben held his face, blood oozed through the gaps in his fingers. The fabric in his hood staining darkly. 

Dirk went close to his friend and lifted his hand to the bloody nose, but the pilot skittered, spinning away. The flow of crimson speckled the ground as Dirk hovered being blocked as he tried to inspect the damage. 

“Don’t touch me.”

“I can fix it, let me.” 

“I don’t need your help,” Ben spat the words angrily. “You’ve done enough already.” 

Dirk closed his eyes and balled his hands into fists. “Ben I can fix it, you know I can. I don’t have time for this,” he approached again and the pilot reluctantly moved his hand.

Hidden from sight the Princess could only see that Dirk touched Ben’s face with both hands. He spoke to him in a low voice. Princess didn’t hear what was uttered. Her ears still ringing from the music, from the sudden rush of adrenaline. What had she done? She’d struck a civilian. In anger. She hadn’t even ordered him to let go first. She had just smashed his face in a rage. What was wrong with her? If only her head would stop aching and her hand stop throbbing. She curled the aching fingers against her stomach.

Ben stepped away from Dirk and the pilot felt his nose with somewhat surprised look on his face. Fingers prodding and squeezing. Then he smiled through blood ringed white teeth, his hand travelled from nose up to his head and the hood fell off. Both hands ran across his scalp then, twisting his neck, he looked at her. He looked like someone had died on his face, how hard had she hit him?

“It’s gone,” he told her. “It’s gone.”

Perhaps he had head trauma. She took a step back. 

“Princess, Inna needs help,” Dirk told her.

Her stomach twisted, two of her unit were with the visiting First Order ships tonight. Had there been an attack? The Resistance scum daring to strike even here. “Inna? Where is she, where’s Nine-nine? Tell me.” Her hand tightened in Dirk’s.

“She’s at the airbase, I don’t know where Nine-nine is now, she was just sort of standing there, outside - doing nothing. Nine-nine said she wouldn’t help because the officers, they took Inna onto their ship. I feel Inna is… not in her…” Dirk’s voice wavered as he pleaded. “I know she is compromised.”

The Princess started jogging in the direction of the airbase; each step jolted her hand painfully. Inna couldn’t be in trouble. The officers knew what was best, didn’t they? They probably needed help with something. Her mind wandered to the thought of herself. To obvious result of perhaps another officer ‘knowing what’s best’. 

“Should I get the others?”

“No,” he snapped. “They’re probably just like Nine-Nine, thinking the First Order know what the fuck they do. Just, Princess could you get your armor? Go in and get Inna out? Nine-nine won’t, she says it’s not allowed.”

“She’s a stormtrooper, she can go onto a First Order ship,” Ben interrupted.

The Princess looked at Dirk. 

“Not if they’re ordered not to,” he tightened his ponytail nervously as he moved. “They shot at me, he said. Didn’t even get close.” 

Legs wobbled as she winced, arm still pressed against her stomach. She had broken something in her hand with her stupid punch. A ragged breath sobbed from between her clenched teeth.  
“Oh, you too,” Dirk ground out in a frustrated voice and reached for her sore hand. He pulled it, painful at first, but with a gentle roll of warmth the pain eased. It must have been strained, he had stretched it back into place.

“Wait, let’s get the transporter from base,” Dirk suggested.

“I don’t have the starter, and I can’t go inside and get it or my armor. I left in a bit of a… there was an incident. They will be suspicious if I go in and get it anyway. Let’s just go I can talk to Nine-nine, I can swap with her if I need to. They didn’t order me not to board their ship.”

The pilot followed them, kept up. Why? What was all this to him?

“Please leave,” she told him.

“I don’t think so Princess, you have to get back into that base. My ship is there, I have a pass.”

“Fucking idiot,” she huffed under her breath. But whether she was referring to Ben or herself she couldn’t tell. It was no use telling him no, avoiding, forgetting, even physical pain didn’t stop the man.  
After tonight, after she had kissed him. What a mistake. Babies need normal mother’s not unstable stormtroopers, and definitely not the next being with a pulse and a dick who passes by.  
Ben’s hood turned towards her in the night. 

***

He shook his head. His pass had got them into the compound, but he was reluctant to reveal it could also get him onto the ship, it could get him into any First Order controlled area. For now he wanted to stay Ben the universes most gullible pilot. They were now standing looking at the huge, grey freighter next to one of Rey’s fellow stormtroopers. One who he noticed had her finger resting on her rifles trigger.

“How is one stormtrooper going to get someone off a First Order freighter? They don’t have a lot of physical staff, but there are a lot of mechanics. You could just end up in the same predicament. I don’t think this plan is sound. The simplest solution is usually the most successful.” 

“A distraction, let’s blow up one of the other ships,” Dirk suggested.

Ben looked at Dirk. He was not helpful. Nobody would run towards an explosion. He hoped his officers were smarter than that.  
“IN-0099, helmet,” Rey ordered.

Reluctantly the armored stormtrooper removed her helmet and looked down. Her face was heavily scarred, destroying any beauty she might have once had, and right now miserable looking. Ben felt some empathy for the woman. This was not protocol for soldiers. Rey almost had to wrench the helmet out of her friend’s hands. She put the helmet over her head and spoke into IN-0099’s wrist communicator. 

“IN-0091 report.”

Nothing.

“IN-0091 report.”

Nothing. Not a sound.

“How could you let her go alone?” Rey still had the helmet on, her voice buzzing, rendering it emotionless through the modulator.

“It was a direct order, from an officer. IN-13, I don’t see the problem. Dirk is overreacting to a situation that doesn’t involve civilians. You know this. The First Order works in our best interests at all times. I suggest you don’t listen to infatuated nobodies. IN-0091 addressed an officer out of turn, she is most likely being reminded of our place.”

“Our best interests,” a barking laugh stiffly sounded through the voice moderator. “Our place!”

Dirk was shaking his head. “No Nine-nine, she can’t be made to…”

“She’s been off the rails and left to rot, for far too long and you know this Princess. This unit is not immune to the rules of the Order. We’re a joke, an embarrassment. Officers have the right to discipline stormtroopers.”

“Give me the rest of your armor.”

This was getting all of them nowhere. He would not let Rey go onto that ship. Not without her Force. He looked at her, a white helmet in black and blue. He realized it was the first time he had seen her with even part of a uniform on.

“Dirk come with me,” he said and the boy stepped into line behind him. Ben started to walk slowly, calmly towards the First Order freighter. “You two stay here.”

“I will not!”

“For once in your life,” he stopped and looked back. Rey was standing with her lightning tattooed hand lifted to the white mask. “Let me try something Princess, that’s all. I may be just a civilian but know a lot of pilots, a lot about the First Order, how they work. You can hit me again later.”

It was simple. Easy. He told the guards to let him through and to take him to officers with the power of his unfettered Force singing in his veins. The pain that had crowded his thoughts; that had blackened his mind was gone. Just the numb loose threads of his bond dangled, a little stretched in the wind. Sure, the air hit the exposed nerves, but it was like a weight had rolled away. Whatever Dirk had done, it had given him strength and clarity. The boy was an enigma. Maybe in the past there had been Force healers, maybe that was part of why Jedi knights had been so powerful. 

They slipped through the ship unchallenged.

The droids all knew not to touch him, they were smarter than humans, they knew his ID scan. Ben walked with his hood down, face still spattered with drying blood. He stalked the corridors following the guards, quickly falling into the character of Supreme Leader.

There was indeed a lack of staff about. All off gambling on planetside leave or sleeping. Nal Hutta was an easy assignment, no need for weapons on freighter ships. They were flying warehouses. The only attackers were pirates, and even they didn’t want to get involved with the First Order. Not if they wanted to live very long afterwards.

“How do you do that?” Dirk asked him, he waved at the entranced guards tramping along the metal meshed corridor.

“Training.”

“Show me,” Dirk asked, the tone of his voice serious. He could sense the boy’s urgency behind his request.

“Showing doesn’t attain anything. Can you teach me how you heal?”

Dirk stopped his quick, echoing steps and then caught up.

“Maybe.”

“I made you an offer, twenty days ago. Accept an apprenticeship, and I can teach you. I can show you everything I know of the Force.” 

The problem was even if Dirk didn’t accept he couldn’t let him go now. He needed the boy, there was no way Ben was giving up the peace he had created. Better to think he made his own choice though. Better for them both.

They came to a closed door and the guards stopped like paused characters on a screen. Ben ordered they return to their post and forget anything they saw or would see for the rest of their shift. The suggestion oozing over their slack minds they marched away.

Ben turned to Dirk with his hand hovering over the door release pad.

“Turn around,” he told him.

“What?”

“Turn,” he ordered firmly.

Dirk spun, and it wasn’t all of his own accord. Ben knew what officers, bad weak officers, could do to female, and even male, stormtroopers. Women seemed to be an easier target, if the records were any evidence. It was why they were rarer, why they sometimes had to be sent away, too far off guard posts like this girl had. It wasn’t an issue between stormtroopers so much, they had respect and enforced honor for one another. But not officers. They just saw people who had to obey.

The scene wasn’t as bad as he had expected, but it still made his rage flair into service.

The three officers, in various stages of undress, all stood with shouts as Ben entered and the girl fell off the lap of one. 

She wasn’t completely naked.

He pushed with the Force towards the two officers ahead of him. They hit the wall, their heads thunking against the metal, mouths open, hands that had reached for their side arms suddenly lifted up to their choking throats. The third he pushed back into his chair and it rolled towards a ship console.

“Delete the security footage inside the ship for the last cycle, and halt any further recording.”

The man sat unmoving. “I don’t know how,” he spoke in a robotic tone. 

“Then make the order to do so.” Then he turned to the girl as she sat stupidly on the floor. “Put your clothes back on.” He nudged some back cloth with his foot towards her, but her eyes just watched the two officers who had stopped gasping noisily against the wall and instead hung like puppets. He let them drop and they fell in crumpled heaps. “Put them on,” he demanded, louder. She pulled on her black, long sleeved shirt over her naked torso, it had been ripped, or cut, up the middle so now the garment fitted like a jacket. Her eyes watched him, a little glassy. The room stunk of liquor and spice.

Lucky for her, Dirk came in at that point and helped her up. If she had been left to him he would have wiped the room clean of life. All of them. There was no pity for the weak.

“Inna, what happened?” Dirk asked and picked her helmet up off the floor under the console as she fitted the white plastic guards around her chest and arms.

The girl stood straight. Waved him off as he went to grasp her. “I’m fine,” she snapped. “Everything was fine. What are you doing here Dirk?”

Ben checked the third officer and obeyed his order and listened to the pair bicker. Dirk’s voice changing from emotional to confused and insulted. Better the boy break any attachment now than be dragged through the drama that looked to be potentially equal to his seemingly eternal, fruitless romantic life. He got the distinct feeling the female soldier had not had to be coerced too hard to join the three officers. This was one of Rey’s unit? 

IN-0091 looked at Ben. She was beautiful, dark skinned and red faced. “Who-who are you?” Her red tainted eyes narrowed.

Hood pulled back up Ben ushered them out the door, marching the pair out of the ship, past the guards, who obediently ignored them, and into Rey and the other stormtrooper IN-0099. The only one who seemed to be able to grasp correct stormtrooper programming. She was standing apart, at attention, finger still on her trigger, helmet back on her head, and pretending not to see her partner tripping across the field’s smooth ground. 

Rey pounced on the rescued girl. “What were you thinking?”

“Princess it was nice! I wanted to go and Dirk and him,” she pointed at Ben, “have ruined everything. Everything!” She stamped her foot.”

“Oh, Inna no, not like that.” 

“I told them all about the General,” IN-0091 answered flippantly.

Rey stiffened. 

“What?” Ben asked. “What General?”

Inna laughed until she creakily fell to her knees. “General Hux, he’s our boyfriend.”

“She’s obviously, well, they’ve done something to her,” Rey squirmed. Her face flickered to a mask as blank as the helmet had rendered her. “Thank you Dirk. I am sorry she is so unappreciative. I hope you don’t get in trouble.” Rey looked at Ben. “I’m sure I can help if you find you need to explain any actions taken.”

“I don’t think much of your unit, he told her coldly.” What he really wanted to say though, was he didn’t think much of her. The memory of the kisses they had shared earlier flooded back into his mind.  
IN-0091 broke through their discussion, her voice scrambled, arms waving. “All I was doing was having a bit of fun. Fuck this guy, let’s go Princess. Nine-nine will stay.”

“We need to patrol here, it was an order. Someone needs to stay with Nine-nine, I don’t trust that she can be safe alone. Nine-nine can call one of the others out, get two, tell them we need back up. Then we can go.” She addressed Ben again. “Please leave Sir, we can handle it from here. I apologise for…” she looked at her feet briefly and stood at resting guard, hands hooked into her blue scarf. “I apologise for everything. It’s been, I mean, there is no excuse, but I got some information today, yesterday, she inhaled deeply, and I feel you are correct Sir.” She nodded. “I don’t think much of my unit right now, there is no excuse. I will make sure this, everything, doesn’t happen again.”

He swallowed and stepped forward, a little closer, a little closer. Hadn’t he done all this? He had broken her. Put her here, where he had thought life would be easier. He could forgive.

“First Order Officers, all officers, should not take advantage of those under them.” He thought of the navigator and his secretary, and felt guilty about this comment. He was the pot calling the kettle black.

“My ship, is in the carrier area. He paused. I can stay if you need…”

“That won’t be necessary.”

He nodded again. He was always talking, saying stupid things. She didn’t like him, why couldn’t he accept that? Forgiveness was easy, forgetting was not.

“Enjoy being with your General boyfriend,” Ben told her wanting to inflict some pain, to push back, he turned around and walked away, Dirk joined him. The boy could hardly look at his giggling stormtrooper friend, and she ignored him in turn, preferring to whisper to her disgusted partner. 

The two men walked towards the other ships dotted throughout the puddled airfield. The stars like all stars made no comment. Ben could feel Dirk’s dejection and his own. Nothing ever went smooth. He couldn’t stand one more surprise, one more rejection. 

“Ben, Dirk,” Princess called, she yelled, they were far away in the shadow of darkness.

He sighed and turned. Who was he kidding? He’d go to her if she broke every bone in his body.

Rey’s voice streaked across the flat space. “The General is her stupid dildo. It’s not our boyfriend, uh. I don’t. Actually, never mind.” 

He turned back. Then looked at Dirk. “Did she just say… that General Hux is a dildo? What does than even mean? I don’t understand, is that part of stormtrooper training?” he walked on then conceded darkly. “I have to agree with their opinion though.”

Dirk didn’t answer. He walked on, eyes on the ground.

“Tonight went well,” Ben added sarcastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Struggled with this one. I wanted Ren/Ben to become more solid, inching more towards Ben than Ren. Meanwhile Rey has a moment. Swapping their roles was a challenge. 
> 
> Do you think officers would take advantage of stormtroopers? Was Rey acting the same way towards Ben and Dirk, she too was intent on using them.


	24. Chapter 24

“Being a Jedi is so boring.” Dirk lazed in a high backed chair, lolling outstretched like an oversized black cat. His gangly arms dangling in a completely relaxed manner with knees spread wide in a display of obscene man-spreading.

The Supreme Leader refused to answer him; instead he sipped his tea and closed his eyes slowly before casting a daggered look in Dirks direction. 

“You are far from being a Jedi. That is not our aim. I would hardly even say you’re fit to be my apprentice never mind a padawan. Dirk, if you had my master you would not be sitting around complaining. Believe me, at the first sign of any weakness, no matter how minor, and even if inside your own mind, he would have made you feel like your skin was getting ripped from your flesh.”

“Yeah, yeah, and I bet you had to walk ten miles bare foot in the snow to buy him a packet of cigarettes too,” Dirk answered flippantly. “Can I have a lightsaber now?”

“No.”

“Why not?” Dirk shifted and spun his peaked cadet officer’s cap in the air in front of him. It floated easily in the Force, smoothly circling without the boy having to lift a single finger of direction. The white insignia of the First Order pinned to the front of the severe headpiece passing by like teeth in a rotating mouth. “Can I fly a TIE fighter?”

“Do you know how to fly a TIE fighter, or any type of ship?”

“Not yet,” Dirk replied cheerfully. 

“Then no. Knowing how to use a broom will not be enough experience.”

Dirk wondered what the point of even training to use the Force was. He’d only worked out how to lift objects through watching and mimicking. Even that was only usable on little things. The bigger items grew the harder they were to lift. A cup was like a chair, and a chair was like lifting a whole speeder. He was disappointed that Ben was hardly even trying to show him anything useful. 

‘No not Ben,’ Dirk corrected himself. That had changed, he was not Ben the pilot. His name was Kylo Ren now, or in mixed company he was Supreme Leader. Mind blown. Who would have thought such a moody tool could be the military overlord of the First Order? Dirk had laughed so hard when he found out the entire truth he could hardly stand up. It was stupid all the fancy ranks and titles. Most of the time Dirk reverted back to calling him the simpler name of Ben.

Describing their relationship had been harder. They had quickly agreed that somehow the title ‘master’ didn’t suite either of them. Dirk had no want to ever have to call another being master again in his lifetime and Ben had agreed. He seemed uneasy in the role of mentor. At times both their minds flitted to the thought that, with Sith, there are only two and that usually didn’t end well. Better to avoid titles as much as possible. 

They had spent a long time at the start discussing what Ben wanted to achieve. No more Jedi, no more Sith, just the Force and control of the Force.

“For the benefit of the universe,” Ben had urged in his solemn voice. “For a new beginning.”

Funny, how that new beginning started with an army though. Dirk was no backwater rube; he knew exactly what the First Order was and what he had signed up for. He had spent his whole life believing the Force was something to be hidden and hoarded. It made him different. Yes, it was a weapon too, one that was perfect for a war machine. The Jedi and Sith had all died out a long time ago and probably for a good reason. 

“You’ll be joining the other cadets in half an hour for tactical training, so sit still and look like the officer you’re supposed to be. Maybe you should try some of the meditation I showed you.”

Standing up Dirk straightened his uniform. It was definitely smart, he couldn’t wait to show Inna. Surely a Force wielding officer trumped a regular, boring one. The hat continued to spin as Dirk wandered around the room pointedly not meditating. There was so many buttons and machines beeping and booping and doing nothing important. In space there were robots to wash your clothes or fix a computer or talk about the weather on whatever planet you wanted to know about and yet Dirk felt unimpressed. He knew it annoyed Ben that he wasn’t settling, but the other handful of officer cadets all talked funny and were such ass kissers. The lessons were useless, unless you wanted to know the correct way to button a shirt or blow up a target, and the black and grey monotone ship was boring, even the stormtroopers, worn down by endless brain washing and bland rations were silent, radiating fear like small animals.

It would take forever to touch each one and break their chains. 

The room’s communicator beeped, flashing green on a control panel and Dirk hit the answer button before Ben could stop him. A full sized projection of a shockingly red haired officer was bowing to Dirk before the figure realized it wasn’t Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, instead he was facing but the lowest level of cadet.

“Who? What?” General Hux spluttered.

“Talk to me baby,” Dirk winked at the hologram while behind him the Supreme Leader spat out his tea. 

“Who are you? Where is the Supreme Leader?” Choked the man, his eyes bulged angrily.

The tea cup flew towards Dirk’s head, but it was easily dodged. He couldn’t avoid his hat though as Kylo Ren pulled it out of the air and slapped the back of Dirk’s head forcibly, before it landed squarely over his eyes. Gesturing grandly Dirk floridly bowed away from the projection as the Supreme Leader moved forward, his face had a look of distaste across it. 

“My new apprentice General Hux,”” he glanced in Dirk’s direction. “I’m still breaking him in. What do you want?”

“An apprentice?” General Hux looked positively livid. “This is most surprising.” Although from his tone it sounded like he meant, ‘this is the most horrible news I’ve ever heard, I wish I shoot you both in the face right now’.

As the two military men talked, or argued if being honest, Dirk eyed the General. So this was the famous General Hux. Not that impressive. Nothing to get so worked up about, not that he was particularly good at appraising humans, but red hair. Really? And his voice, so whiney, he could tell Ben hated him. If anyone should be a poster boy for all the stormtroopers it should be Kylo Ren, not some sour faced knob end, Ben even wore a mask in public.

“Dirk,” Ben turned to him as if the thoughts of how the Supreme Leader felt about his general had been subtly sensed. “I have already informed you. Get to the bridge, you have training.”

Dirk slumped and pushed the black hat on his head, then adjusted it so it sat backwards. He knew he had training. Didn’t Ben only just remind him? Why did he have to do it again in front of General Hux?  
Ben liked to make Dirk feel like a child. It had been that way ever since he started training. There may not be any ‘master’ but he was still a teacher, like how Dirk imagined kids who got to go to school had to put up with. Making out he knew better. 

Dirk hovered just enough to show he wasn’t leaving just because he had been told to, then casually walked out of the room and made his way to the bridge.

Hadn’t he practically run a bar, and he’d worked for the Hutts, cared for hundreds of animals, traveled half way across the galaxy, lived by himself, looked after himself. All this, the uniforms, the classes and the babying was like taking two steps backward in order to take one very slow step forward.

He paused over some sort of long shaft. The ship was full of such pointless architecture. Who in their right mind would design a ship with so many platforms and elevated corridors, some even without railings? Any fool could be thrown off. Anything could be lost. As if to prove the point, even if only to himself, Dirk threw his hat down the shaft and watched it sail down and disappear out of sight.

“I saw that,” Ben yelled from the corridor Dirk had just exited. His voice angry and distorted through his helmet, the Supreme Leader’s private guards came into view behind him. Couldn’t the man go anywhere without all the drama?

Dirk startled at Ben’s voice, recovered swiftly, turned and started striding towards the bridge. He got there seconds before Ben, falling into line next to the other three final year cadets. The cadets were young men and women who were working through their last academy year through practical service. Then there was himself. The odd one out. He’d never attended a school, or any official training. Yet Dirk found himself shoehorned into an officer’s life, a living example of a square peg being shoved into a round hole.

The instructor, a vile old man, too old to be anything but a part time supervisor to overgrown children, pounced on him. “Cadet Dirk, you are late again. Where is your hat?”

Yeah, he would have to notice that first off. 

“I dropped it down a coolant shaft.”

“May I ask why you decided to willfully destroy part of your uniform?”

“Because, I wanted to.”

The other three gasped. The girl almost had a fainting fit she turned so white. Dirk knew if Inna was here she’d laugh.

The instructor stepped closer, he lowered his voice to a growl. “What?” He spat, actual spit flying from his lips.

“Because, I wanted to - Sir.” 

Irritated the instructor looked at the Supreme Leader who was standing on his platform watching the scene, although his thoughts proved unreadable through the mask. Dirk hoped the instructor would make a scene. It’d liven up the day, give all the stormtroopers something to whisper about. The instructor was terrible, and worse he knew he had been given this job because he wasn’t able to do anything useful, the man couldn’t teach a fish to swim.

“Maybe I should ask your fellow cadets how they would resolve this situation. Toro, what do you think is a suitable reaction to Cadet Dirk’s action?”

Cadet Toro straightened his already perfectly straight stance. “Cadet Dirk should find his hat, sir.”

How original. Dirk smirked at the idea.

“As well as the rest of his uniform,” added the cadet.

The entire bridge staff paused and watched as the cadets forcibly removed Dirk’s uniform. Five against one, it had been a humiliating experience, hands roughly pulling and bruising, leaving Dirk dumped on the floor in only his First Order issued briefs. He had tried to use the Force to tell them not to, but it didn’t work. He wasn’t wired for it. He hadn’t been taught how to do it and his words, telling them to ‘stop’ sounded childish and awkward. Spreading salt in the wound he knew Ben could stop them from even across the room, yet the man just stood there doing nothing.

Dirk soon found himself pushed out of the bridge room and he watched sullenly as the instructor dropped his uniform down a nearby opening then left him to his fate. Standing mostly naked in the cold corridor his hands automatically reached to straighten his pony tail. Only Dirk’s hand touched the plat Ben had insisted he change to. 

Ben! Shouldn’t he stop this sort of thing? Yeah, well, he’d worked with bad bosses before, being a slave had made him stronger. Taking his clothes was nothing. He’d once gotten his arm broken over letting a fathier kick a trainer who was cutting it up with a whip. This was like a holiday compared to that dump.

A passing sentry droid did a spinning double take on seeing the mostly naked person lurking about the corridors then gave him a wide berth. Rolling widely past him its red scanners flickered backwards. Dirk gestured lewdly at it's tiny black casing and it beeped an angry chirp in return.

It had taken him hours to find his clothes. Hours of riding in lifts with nothing but his underwear on and his chest almost exploding with recycled cold air. Explaining his story over and over again. Nobody offered him replacement clothes, not one person. They all just laughed or looked shocked. Word travelled fast and it felt like everybody on ship were out and moving about, wanting to watch the Supreme Leader’s new apprentice walk around with his dick practically hanging out. Well, his wish to entertain the stormtroopers had come true. 

By the end of the day one boot was still missing. 

“Worst padawan ever,” Ben had told him when they were alone again.

Dirk bit his tongue. Although Force knew why. He had heard in great, constant detail about the harsh punishment Snoke had dealt his apprentice. Surely Ben had not always been the perfect Jedi, or whatever he believed himself to be, the dark actor that he tried to project.

“I’m not supposed to train with regular people. To learn all this First Order march about rubbish, clicking buttons and polishing robot knobs. I came to learn how to use the Force and you said you would teach me.”

“I’m trying to teach you discipline! There is no ignorance only knowledge,” Ben quoted the Jedi code then snapped his mouth shut and ground his teeth. However much they tried the fucking light and dark kept creeping into their discussions. “The problem with Force users were that they held themselves above ‘regular people’. Yes, even officers, so roll your eyes one more time Dirk and I swear I’ll tear them out of your skull. We should be here for everyone. It used to be Jedi knights led whole battalions.”

Dirk sighed, he clenched his fists in his lap. “I am too old to start all this. Padawan’s, Force users, need to be taught from very young.”

“So you have been studying something?” Ben folded his arms. “It’s true, that was how it was. Even my master thought I was too old,” he lowered his chin, a tiny movement. “I sounded just like… him, just then.”

“Snoke.”

“Not, ah, that one,” Ben touched the scar on his face, two fingers dragging from eye to chin. Dirk had noticed he did it when he was stressed. “I had another master before him. Snoke was, the dark side, but once I tried to walk only in the light. I want you to learn both Dirk. Both Dark and Light. We will be the new Force users. Why do we keep using the words Jedi and Padawan and knight? Because it’s better than calling ourselves Sith? Although, why? We should be just as much Sith. But even Sith need discipline, anyone who has power like ours. We have to control ourselves.”

“Through passion, I gain strength,” recited Dirk. The Sith code.

They sat awkwardly, positioned for meditation facing one other, yet neither were achieving peace.

“Was Princess a stormtrooper here?”

Ben’s eyes slid to the side.

“Not here, but, in a way. You know I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Did you do to her what those men did to Inna? Is that the discipline you want?”

No answer. 

Dirk thought about Princess. She was a topic he was supposed to not mention. He thought about the way she had kissed him desperately. Something had felt so strange the last time he saw her. Everything was strange. Meeting her had meant change and, although he was happy to be free, Dirk wondered if the change had been completely for the better.

He gazed up at Ben from under his slightly bowed head. The older man’s eyes were shut, but he had no look of contentment on his face. The pain was growing again.

Very, very gently Dirk stretched out his Force towards Ben. He slunk around his walls and teased at the edges. He saw a tanned, brown haired girl in a worn blue dress, she was sitting as if meditating, as if she were here now instead of Dirk. Then she was taking off the dress, one shoulder strap at a time slipping to reveal gorgeous round breasts…

Princess. the name, the sudden recognition, barely formed within Dirk's mind.

With a violent shove Dirk found himself lying on his back, his head slammed against the metal floor ringing out a bone jarring smack. Ben’s knees were pressed into his chest and his hands at Dirk’s throat, fingernails scratching.

“YOU DON’T DO THAT!” Ben yelled.

The taste of blood was in his mouth, he’d bit his tongue as he fell. Dirk felt afraid. This man could easily kill him. Like the bird. Just steal the life away only maybe not quickly, maybe he’d choke him like the officers on the transporter ship.

“You don’t do that,” Ben repeated in a quieter, but no less angry voice. He shoved Dirk again, pushed against his shoulders.

Realising he was lying there with his mouth open Dirk closed it. He lifted a slow hand up to Ben’s own, still clenching his shoulder. Hands touched and Dirk cleared away the creeping cobwebs of hurt that had settled since last time. Some sort of connection was cut off inside the Supreme Leader. It was like Ben’s energy traveled out along an artery, but there was something heavy resting over it, cutting the energy off from its destination. The energy swelled in place building up till it made the man a mess of pain and emotions. 

Ben sagged as he felt the release, he rocked back onto his feet, moving his knees to Dirk’s sides. The pair relaxed minutely and Dirk refocused on his situation. Having Ben’s dick near his face as he straddled Dirk high up on his chest was an improvement on being crushed to death, but the relief turned to a deep blush.

“Do you think Kenobi ever did this to Skywalker?”

Ben gripped Dirk’s chin and shook it gently, the boy could feel his soft stubble pressed against the larger man’s palm. “You talk too much. Your smart mouth is going to get you in trouble.”

Dirk wondered if Ben was going to make him do anything… Did Snoke ever? Stars, was Ben ever going to get off. Dirk swallowed. Withdraw.

“I show you what I want you to see, understand?” Ben told him.

Dirk opened his mouth and Ben’s hand firmly shut it.

“Just nod.”

Dirk nodded and started to breathe again as his teacher stood. He left the boy to sit up on his own. Rubbing the back of his head Dirk felt dizzy as he moved. Ben had really hurt him, he could sense a hairline fracture, his brain fluid seeping just a fraction into the tiny new space, enough to cause a furious headache.

Resting his face in his hands he went to work fixing the issues, taking from the Force and suggesting the healing. Directing the, was it midichloreans? Anyway, he couldn’t describe it, but Dirk knew what to do. It felt like a weaver or a knitter, a pattern that, when placed just right, could fix almost anything.

“How do you know about Kenobi and Skywalker?”

“Well,” Dirk tilted his head from side to side testing for more weak points. “They’re like legends right? The last of the ‘real’ Jedi. You have a lot of information on them in your archive. They worked together even after Skywalker became a knight and Kenobi sat on the Jedi high counsel. They must have been a good, you know, team or whatever.”

Ben mulled the information over, Dirk could see him thinking. The man was expressive at times, when his face wasn’t hidden. Mostly the expression was anger or disgust, but Dirk had seen him looking like a lost sheep around the Princess enough to know he had more emotions hidden way down.

“I apologize for attacking you,” Ben admitted. “I should have asked you not to... do what you were doing instead. It reminded me of being with Supreme Leader Snoke. Finding someone there, touching my thoughts when I wasn’t expecting it. You are learning Dirk. Maybe, I am not a good teacher, but you are learning.”

“Alright.”

“Did you want to…” Ben stopped, a slow grin spread across his face, it was almost, very much almost a goofy look of glee. “I was going to ask if you wanted to hold my lightsaber.” 

Was he laughing? Was he honestly suppressing a laugh at that stupid double entendre? Like he was some weird, creepy uncle type? Dirk stared at Ben from the floor. The man turned away and picked up his helmet. Slipping the mask on again, his voice returned to an electronic growl.

“If you are well enough, you said you wanted to fly a TIE fighter. That is something I can teach.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Dirk chapter. I have high hopes for our broom boy. Sometimes I just wish Episode IX was here already, but at least we all have something to look forward to right?
> 
> As always thanks for reading my friend.
> 
> Edit: I'm reading all the comments - thanks for writing. In the words of the greatest Jedi of all time:  
> 'Look after yourself and each other' - Jerry Springer.
> 
> I've put warnings at the start of the story, and end of part one, to hopefully help newbies decide if they want to move forward. For established readers I won't be offended if you unsubscribe and I wish you well - I do get it. 
> 
> I've also resolved to finish within the next five chapters. I thought that might help if The story is resolved and put in the past for some people, but I also couldn't finish in under five as I have already plotted out the ending.


	25. Chapter 25

“You look happier.”

At the sound of the Princess’ voice tiny hands suddenly lurched, momentarily outstretched, like the little body had been suddenly dropped into an invisible void. The sinking feeling of a hypnagogic jerk flickering through the newborn, then hands returned to fists tightly clenched, arms raised and face calm in sleep.

Not everyone was enamored with Mama’s new E-11. She had been named after the classic blaster rifle because her range was impressive. Loud was another way to describe her, and the baby’s crying had kept almost the entire unit awake for the past week since her dramatic birth. 

E-11 had been nick named Elle, she was small, healthy, but loud just like the rest of the women, a perfect match. The tiniest of warriors. And so another child came into the galaxy, another human, another person missing its history and stuck somewhere nobody had any business to bring a baby. 

Princess stared at Elle through the crib bars. The pregnant soldier sat cross legged next to X2O who was wearing his good hat. The droid was a quiet presence, he was happy to stay in the background, to do the work of droids. Protect the humans, help the humans and wear hats as much as he liked. Princess knew he was unlike most First Order droids but enjoyed his company, there was something straightforward and logical about mechanics. 

Gem clacked over and stood over the crib, she had on full armor.

“Getting clucky?” Gem’s voice rasping through her helmet’s sensa-mic.

“I think X2O is,” Rey replied.

The Droid’s head swiveled to look at the standing stormtrooper. “It is improbable that I shall ever have the distinction of procreation,” he spoke solemnly.

Gem laughed as she walked away to find her patrol partner, her white gauntleted hand resting on the butt of her rifle.

The next to interrupt the temporary peace in the far corner of the barracks was Sir. The solemn captain peered at the baby with a pained look on her face. Always a pained look recently. After Elle’s birth she had addressed the unit to advise that FE- 2872 and herself had decided the baby would adopted to a suitable family, once one could be found. It was for the best. A stormtrooper unit was not equipped to care for children, even one that had no real active duties. In addition First Order soldiers had no right to burden their fellow stormtroopers. A child was a weakness, and it would be better for all to find an alternative situation for E-11. Until such a time that a placement could be sourced Sir had asked them to keep the baby a secret. 

This request had sat heavily with them all. They all knew Elle should be surrendered to the First Order and made to serve. The loss of freedom an acceptable life for a child, wasn’t this, a life of servitude, what they loved?

“For the glory of the First Order,” Princess mouthed the words quietly, as if to remind herself. Lately it had become her mantra, like a prayer or a tic.

“For the glory of the First Order,” Sir repeated automatically.

They couldn’t help themselves. They had to obey. Even as time sloughed away emotions of complete fanaticism, the backbone of their absolute programmed Stormtrooper training stayed firm. Still, to see the tiny human and her dark hair, and to see Mama white and drawn and silent holding her newborn so limply… it had been distressing. If Sir had not informed the unknown officers higher up, then it was not the rest of the unit’s duty to do so. Their captain would be the one punished and branded with the red slash, marked for reprogramming.

“Why are you here? It’s your day off,” Sir asked quietly.

“I don’t want to go out.”

The Captain rubbed a hand through her hair. “I know you weren’t responsible for that air field incident, you don’t have to keep missing out on rest days.”

The Princess looked down at her stomach. Perhaps she hadn’t spoken out of turn to visiting officers, or gotten drunk, or agreed to leave her partner alone while on guard, but she felt she was not completely innocent either. She had interacted inappropriately with civilians, hurt one without warning and involved them in First Order actions. Decisions which she was not proud of and had kept hidden. Dirk had never returned and that had sat heavily on her conscious. Even the odd Ben hadn’t deserved such behavior. He had helped in the end and what had she done? Kissed him, wanted to use him, then smashed his face.

“May I stay?”

Sir sighed. “It is your decision.” She ran her hand along the edge of the crib. “Actually, I have purchased a new box of tissues if you wish to talk about anything. I can’t say I understand, but perhaps, perhaps I can listen,” she thought for a second and added. “The unit had also been issued a new upgrade to our MFTAS and it would be agreeable to have assistance with the rollout.”

“I have already completed the Multi-Frequency Targeting and Acquisition System upgrades,” X2O advised in his clipped tone. He sounded a little hurt that the Captain would think he had not done what he felt was his place to do. 

“Really? Well, how about my helmet?”

“I have completed all, including the spare units.”

Sir gave the droid an exasperated look. “The truth is, well, the truth is Princess, I need to talk to you and I know I can order you to march into my office, but I’m trying to be fucking nice.” 

Inside the oppressive office Princess pulled down her bodyglove again as she sat across from Sir and eyed the new box of tissues. Her blacks were definitely starting to shrink, just slightly, just enough that she could notice the feel of air on bare skin at the most awkward of times. It felt like ever since she had found out she was pregnant an avalanche of niggling symptoms had become real. Soreness, swelling and reactions like an exploding moon. Princess had bit her tongue so many times she was surprised she hadn’t severed it. The other stormtroopers were merciless with their teasing and innuendo. Little digs here and there, sharp jabs about ‘good times’ or ‘active duty’, and jokes about ‘something in the air’ usually followed by someone else saying ‘her legs’. That one never got old. They had used it so many times. 

She plucked out two tissues and put one in each hand so the captain could put the box safely away.

“Need to cut your hair,” Sir told her.

The Princess drew her eyebrows together half raising a tissue choked hand to her scalp.

“Also, fuck, I wish I could smoke. Fucking children!” Sir snapped her mouth shut. “Let me get to the point. Can I tell you something?”

Nodding the Princess straightened on the hard box she was seated on.

“Not like you can say no. Right? Anyway, after my last reprogram I found this,” Sir pulled out her vape from where it was tucked under her armor. “It was in my utility belt, looks kind of like a thermal detonator. I think my Captain missed it when they refreshed my gear.” She popped the pipe into her mouth, but didn’t light it up, then pulled it out somewhat regretfully. Scratched with teeth marks the vape perched in her outstretched white glove. “For a long time I didn’t know what it was, then I worked it out. Smoking is an officer thing. Those black coat bastards love it, well the older ones. And I wondered how I’d got it, and if I smoked, and if I should tell anyone… You know about our necklaces?”

The Princess nodded again, but struggled to connect the dots. Stormtroopers were unofficially allowed to create and wear cords with some beads threaded through; well that’s what she had been told, that they were allowed. As a sign of unity between soldiers. 

“Well, yes. Fuck, where was I? So, I have this vape and so I feel as if ‘me before’ left it for a reason, and I say FE-1216 this is like a necklace to yourself. A sign, a gift, an exchange, maybe I took it even, stole it off someone dead or alive. Would I want to know why I kept it? Even though, in keeping it, I could have got into more trouble.” The Captain slid the vape back away, patting her armor flat against her blacks. “Would I want to know how I got it?”

“I don’t understand,” the Princess felt heavy, she wondered what the talk was really about. Tissues balled sweaty in her palms. “Was it about keeping her baby? She knew she had to give it up. No good getting emotional over that, no good thinking over what will happen next. The baby, not her baby, but ‘the baby’ would be either an addition to the First Order, or given away elsewhere, it was an object she was forced to carry until it was time to pass it on, that was all. She frowned and clenched her teeth. The baby was not her concern.

Sir looked at the wall a fraction above the Princess’s head. “I’m asking you, would you want to know IN-13?” 

***

The Supreme Leader of the First Order was not in the mood for this insurrection. A blatant disregard of orders. The reports were not important he reminded himself fruitlessly. She is gone now and gone for good. She doesn’t like you. You have Dirk now, teaching him is your first concern. Along with being responsible for ruling an entire army, isn’t that enough?

At the thought of Dirk Ren looked up at the boy who was sitting next to the navigator on the bridge. He was talking to the older man in his usual outgoing way, his hat safely attached to his head. The Supreme Leader wondered what would they do if he simply stood up and joined them? Not that he could. For all the glory of the First Order he was still separated. He was learning that power meant little if it gave no reward.

Ren returned to his screen. Where was his report? The other Captains had submitted theirs on time, they could obey orders, and this was the second day of nothing. One day he could not excuse, but two was now intolerable. He motioned to his secretary, the one he actually liked. She bobbed forward stiffly.

“The daily report from Nal Hutta unit 1033 is missing. Find it.”

She saluted and went to her work station returning quickly. “General Hux requested the reports be sent to himself; for audit, he held unit 1033 back, along with...”

“What do you mean ‘back’?” He asked slowly.

“The unit is getting audited,” she repeated.

He stood. “Audited?”

The secretary grasped at her throat. He had made no effort to choke her, why was she doing that? She was keeping something from him. He should choke her just to make her tell him the truth. She was a spy for Hux, that’s why she knew so quickly, he had always suspected it was so. Her and the navigator, that’s why he liked them so much, because they were trained to seduce him. He should get the truth by any means. Burn it out.

“Supreme Leader,” Dirk said appearing next to him and gently put his bare hand on Ren’s uplifted glove. “May I be of assistance?”

Ren retracted his fingers, curling them back towards his palm. He swallowed and looked again at the secretary standing still with her fingers curled in readiness and eyes widened under her cap.

“Get me General Hux on the briefing room display.” He turned to exit the bridge, his guards stepping forward. “Do it now!” He added and the secretary exhaled scuttling gratefully back to her display.

Dirk followed like a dog. He walked behind the procession, unasked for and unwanted. The boy was yet to learn there were times for being a student and times for working; this was not a lesson for him. Ren paused in the doorway of the briefing room and turned. He looked at Dirk through his mask and his modulator crackled with a slight hiss.

“The unit is getting audited?” Dirk repeated. “The unit? We should warn them.”

“It is none of your concern. You have already made a bad impression on the General. Stand,” Ren pointed to the middle of the shiny, black corridor floor. “Do not move until I say so.”  
Dirk opened his mouth.

“Shoot this cadet if he so much as steps in any direction!” He snapped at his guard.

Inside the dark briefing room General Hux was waiting for the Supreme Leader, standing within the hologram parameters his heavy, black greatcoat perched around his shoulders. His hands were behind his back and a look of bored frustration was written all over his fastidious face, as if he had been waiting hours instead of seconds.

“Let me guess, the new auxiliary fund on Akiva?” General Hux asked without acknowledging Ren’s entrance. “We provide every security for that world, without our destroyers in orbit they would not have lasted two months without invasion.”

Ren calmed himself with difficulty, the man was smart, and dangerous. The General's eagerness to prove his methods were best made Ren decide to play along with the idea that he cared about the planet Akiva. “We already tax them, withdraw further hardship.”

“Supreme Leader…”

“That is an order! General Hux, you do not listen. Do I need to keep you closer to myself, would that make it easier to hear?”

The man in the hologram tensed his lips and tilted his chin higher. “As you wish Supreme Leader.”

So much for the small talk, Ren stared at his inferior glad his helmet masked his emotions. “You are also auditing the stormtrooper units.”

The General frowned. Ren knew Hux felt the soldiers were his own pet projects. All stormtroopers were trained using his father’s methods of raising children through explicit control and reprogramming. Ren would feel sorry for the General, knowing his upbringing was by a man who believed true loyalty was shown through killing another, except Hux was so rancid he invoked no emotion in Ren warmer than distaste.

“My allocations team is,” General Hux replied. “The outpost units are becoming weakened. Some need to return to active duty, and for reprogramming. It’s standard procedure.”

Ren thought as he listened to Hux drone in detail about rotation and complacency. How could he take this task away from the General without raising any more curiosity than he already had?  
“My executive team will take over the audit,” he explained hoping after the previous warning the General would comply quietly.

The General coughed fakely and smiled twice as falsely, like a rat who had stolen the cheese from a trap. “I am head of your executive team Supreme Leader.”

“My staff here, with me will take over the audit General,” he specified as he walked towards the holographic General Hux. The Supreme Leader was sure on the other end of the holographic call he was made small. His figure just a tiny bleep on a pedestal display, it was something petty the General would do. Kylo Ren was not like Supreme Leader Snoke though, he didn’t need to inflate his size to rule. “General Hux, send me what you have collected so far in regards to the audit and return to removing the auxiliary fund on Akiva. I will not have you building an army behind my back.”

The slimy General had the gall to look offended. 

Ren switched off the transmission. Surely that had been enough to throw the man off the scent. Hinting at the suspicion that Hux was only doing the audit to establish outlying stormtrooper support for himself. It was probably exactly what he was doing anyway. All the recording the man did, the brainwashing. 

Doors swished back as Ren exited the briefing room. 

The spot he had ordered Dirk to stand in was empty. 

Ren clenched his hands. He didn’t need this right now. “Where did he go?” He barked at the guard.

The guard looked at the space that the Supreme Leader indicated to. 

“Who? Supreme Leader Sir.”

***  
General Hux looked at the copies of the outpost reports he had sent to the Supreme Leader. Usually he didn’t do this type of work himself. He had whole teams assigned to doing paperwork and droids for identifying the finer details. His special administration staff, all loyal and hungry to climb, were indeed his private army. If only Ren would figure it out. If only he would understand. His light up magic sword and all his arm waving was just for show. The man was a figurehead only, just a useless display of power to scare the people who still remembered Vader into submission. He was like an over-produced holovid actor, just more annoying.

Thirty outposts had been identified so far for auditing. Thirty of the worst; identified through their costs for upkeep, need for replacement soldiers or other anomalies. What was it Ren wanted? General Hux didn’t believe for a second that dear, dear Supreme Leader Ren didn’t have a good reason to want these particular reports. 

He shuffled through each of the notes. One Corellian unit had been chosen for troopers holding hands. Ridiculous! Another one had been selected on the unit Captain’s pitiable reporting skills. He smirked at a particularly poorly executed sentence.

‘Everything is order.’

Everything would not be ‘is’ order for long. He would change out all the outpost staff now, even if it meant wasting fuel and resources. Ren would not touch his stormtroopers, not when the First Order was gaining a foothold in the outer rim.

His eyes picked up more details on the report as his finger raised to flick it away from the screen. 

The words: ‘Request to talk Supreme Leader’

Request to talk? A stormtrooper, an insubordinate, addressing the Supreme Leader directly? His stomach dropped. How did the unit Captain know the Supreme Leader read the reports unless they had talked before? What was Ren’s game? General Hux shuffled to the unit details. They were all suppressed. Almost frantically he searched for more information. Stormtrooper codes, how long the unit had been established, equipment assigned, anything, but very little was on record.

His face looked up, pale and green-tinged, as the glare from his output cast a pallor across his skin. 

“Nal Hutta, the Hutts,” he mumbled to himself. He knew some beings in Nal Hutta. Beings that would gladly update his missing records. The General tapped at his comm. Ren was an idiot; he couldn’t be secretive if he was offered a cloak of invisibility. Did he really think he was going to get away with hiding whatever he was hiding? The Supreme Leader would soon learn that sticking ones nose, one’s huge ugly nose, where it didn’t belong would mean getting it cut from his face.

***

Ben had found Dirk back in his room. Not Dirk’s small room with nothing but a grey bed and a shelf he’d filled with collected rubbish and crude officer pinup cards, but in Ben’s own quarters. He was holding one the fucking drones his… General Organa kept sending.

“What did you do? I told you to stay where I left you?”

“I worked it out. The mind thing, I told the guards to let me go. I said ‘that they never saw me’,” Dirk looked up at him. “I worked it out,” he repeated as if he didn’t quite believe it himself. “I think it’s the fingers.”

If the boy thought he was going to get praise he was wrong. “I ordered you to stay there and you willfully disobeyed your master.”

“And I didn’t want to stay…” Dirk shook the droid, turning his attention back to the machine. “Master,” Dirk added sarcastically.

Behind his mask Ben ground his teeth in anger. This time Dirk had to be punished. Not just the lift heavy things using the Force punishment his… that a previous teacher had used either. He had been using that one with Dirk and the only correction in his attitude, so far, had been that he liked to Force lift heavier things, and he was getting better at it. Ben paused as he went to pull off his helmet. A thought flashed through his mind, a clarifying thought. Had that been the point all along? Had all those hated rocks been just another training exercise more than a punishment? Stars, it had been. 

Fucking Luke Skywalker, master of the way to make people good, even when they wanted to be bad.

He pulled his mask all the way off and turned.

“How do you get your hair like that?” Dirk asked looking up as he continued to abuse the drone. “I mean it’s all squashed up all day and then helmet off, poof, and it’s perfect.”

Ben pointed his finger at Dirk, eyes narrowed. “You…”

“You are not angry,” Dirk interrupted as he lifted his fingers. A gentle lapping of Force splashed over Ben’s mind resulting in no improvement to his mood.

Suddenly the drone’s message flickered to life as Ben’s face was successfully scanned for authentication. 

A tiny image of General Organa appeared on the table. Ben wondered if she looked shorter than last time? Older. The General was dressed, as always, impeccably, hair braided in a brilliant crown formation, but she had begun to become frailer. As frail as someone who he still found incredibly intimidating could be. Before he could stop it her deep voice spoke.

_Ben, I greet you._

__

__

_I cannot condone anything the First Order has done, I cannot condone you, I cannot forgive you nor offer redemption, and unfortunately I cannot forget you either. The galaxy cries out, it feels the injustice of the Orders enforcement. If you set out to repeat Palpatene’s absolute rule then you are succeeding._

__

__

_The return of the drones gives me hope that you are receiving these messages. We are all still hoping for the return of Rey. I have heard the continued rumors of her death, but did not feel within the Force of her passing. Although, I knew her briefly I assure you I would know of her loss._

General Organa opened her hands. 

_I can only repeat past requests. Return Rey, negotiate for peace and cease the blockades on the core worlds. I can help you. I helped to create a New Republic when you were born and I can do it again. Help me Ben, even after everything, you are my hope._

The message ended with the tiny general bowing her head.

Dirk looked at him with a particularly stupid expression.

“She always speaks like that. Talks about hope, and darkest nights, and, ‘may the Force be with you’ as if it ever leaves anyone. As if I have any escape,” Ben told him, thinking it would be nice to throw the drone across the room and watch it smash through the wall.

“Are we going to Nal'Hutta or what? And who's Rey”

Looking at Dirk Ben had a sudden strangling empathy with his mother… With General Organa. Weren’t all children just disobedient, smart mouthed regrets? Thank the maker he would never have to be disappointed by his own spawn, and on that he was absolute. They Skywalker line would never continue. The Force could explode in on itself for all he cared. He ran a hand across his scalp.

_You are my hope_ she had said. More like bitter regret.

“Dirk, lift that chair," he pointed towards his desk, "over your head for an hour. TWO HOURS. If it falters just once. ONCE! I swear I’ll make you wish you were never born.” 

“But…” Dirk closed his mouth over his retort and tugged at his plat, then obediently twitched the chair with his earnest, young Force. 

The chair spun slowly into the air. He was growing stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying to call Ren 'Ren' when he is being a jerk and 'Ben' when he is trying to be better. Dirk always thinks of 'Ben as 'Ben' so when he is with Dirk he's usually Ben. 
> 
> Moving quicker now so hope the chapter doesn't rush through.
> 
> Thanks to all who read.


	26. Chapter 26

Immediately, at the very first blow, the girl broke. She bent like a reed under foot, already pathetically hunched and broken.

‘Weak as our weakest soldier,’ The words uneasily pushing into her mind as she watched the prescribed punishment. It was late, the light from the setting sun making Sir’s armor take on a vivid orange glow as she stood firm.

“Get up,” Sir told Inna as the girl whimpered, her breath coming out in poorly smothered sobs. Yet she pushed up, knelt in the courtyard her armored hands outstretched on the ground, fingers clenching the dirt between the thin, yellowing blades of grass. Her helmeted head bowed, slumped in acceptance or guilt.

The Captain’s voice rose into a ragged yell, her breath sounding hollow in her rage. “This is your fault! Get up properly. Stand! You’re a stormtrooper, act like it.”

But the girl wouldn’t, or couldn’t move any more. Instead she had to be dragged up, and pushed, swaying, to her feet. Princess’s hands twisted into tight fists. The entire unit looked on at Sir and Inna, the women stood and watched, all made witness, to twist the knife a little more into Inna’s humiliation. Even Mama was there, holding E-11, the baby wrapped in a white cloth, which trailed across her mother’s armor like a wedding veil in her arms.

“I’ll let them take you. They should take you! You need reprogramming, to be taken back into space and forced to eat, sleep and shit on schedule, and in silence.” Sir lifted her baton again. “You know what they do to girls like you in the field? Why do you think we’re here? Fuck! And you’ve ruined it for us all.” The baton sounded again, this time the strike fell on the back of Inna’s legs.  
As the girl fell on the ground again Sir produced the final insult. The Captain passed her baton to Gem who grasped it firmly, flicking the weapon into her side and standing at attention. Then Sir pulled an object from her belt and pressed a red strike onto Inna’s pauldron, a symbol of future reprogramming. Sir returned the red marker to her belt and pulled out her pipe. Her hand shook as it sparked into life and she inhaled deeply.

The rest of the unit ignored Inna’s fallen form as they all stood silent and waiting. Tensed.

“We have three, maybe three, days until audit,” Sir rolled her arm, flexing her shoulders, from the girl’s reactions, she had not gone easy on Inna. “Maybe, just maybe we can get through this fucking situation reasonably intact. I’ll take responsibility, I’ll be the one questioned, and I don’t need to remind you about what happens to stormtroopers who speak out of turn. IN-0091 can vouch for that. So, keep your fucking mouths shut. Follow your roster. No more days off and no more names till after, understand? Clean up the barracks and get rid of that,” she pointed at E-11. “We had a good run.” 

Sir smoked, the blue cloud curling out her nostrils, floating up into the twilight, cloaking her head in floating gas. On the ground Inna drew her legs towards her body making herself small.  
The Captain saluted her unit. “Don’t be afraid,” she barked quickly as if the words were wrong, but it was more than she should offer. “Dismissed. Get the fuck out of here.”

Inside the women stood with their helmets on. It was strange, they had gotten used to living in various stages of undress, or various stages of un-armored. Now they were back at the start. Afraid to take off anything, to be anything more than the intimidating, faceless soldiers they were.

E-11 started to cry, and Mama hoisted her close to her smooth, white chest, her helmet’s black eyes reflecting pink spotted skin.

Princess walked stiffly outside to the front of the barracks and stood outside the entrance. This was her spot now; she had been reduced to guard duty only. Standing in the same spot and watching the inhabitants of Nal Hutta pass by. The dream of becoming a pilot seemed like it was imagined eons ago. Princess felt so many girls were trapped inside of her she wondered who she really was. A soldier, a pilot, a mystery that was for sure and soon enough to be a mother. But they were all trapped inside, all the unit, because all the women were just bodies for blasters to be attached to.

E-11’s wail was audible from even outside. The baby was going to be delivered to a human family before the audit. It was probably a good thing, Mama was not coping. She would hold E-11, but that was all, just hold her and feed her and sleep and bleed. Princess hadn’t realized how much blood came out after birth, Mama had said she couldn’t stand it. The nothing of emptiness and the blood. The two women had grown closer through the bond of pregnancy. 

“She doesn’t look like how I thought she would look,” Mama had said.

“How did you think she would look?” Princess had asked gently. 

“Like someone I would know. I thought I would recognize her,” she had covered her face with shaking hands. “I thought seeing her I would remember, but I don’t. There’s nothing.”

Mama’s comment had stayed with Princess like a rock thrown into a pond, the ripples growing wide. Would her baby be someone she knew? Did it matter? It hadn’t mattered, and that was what she had told Sir… FE-1216. She didn’t want to know who or how or where she had been when conceiving. Whatever had been in the past was gone. If she had loved she would never see him again. If she had been not loved, what use was knowing?

IN-13 stayed alert, and on guard. It was a matter of importance now, to be ready. A speeder passed and music sounded briefly from inside. A stray animal, probably one of the large lizards, splashed in the yellow liquid of a nearby ditch. For the twentieth time Princess told herself she’d already been to the bathroom more times than necessary today. It was just the sound, and the thought, of the splashing that made her want to urinate, not a real need. She inhaled and exhaled slowly.

A spark of Force moved beneath her heart.

The little tapping of knees, or hands, or feet fluttered low inside of her body and she smiled, her cheeks touching the lining in her helmet. It felt so absurd to be there, alone, holding a blaster and feeling her baby move for the first time. It made it feel real; it was all so really real.

Through her helmet the Princess watched the horizon; it looked like it was going to rain again. Clouds covered the first few stars and the setting sun. Lightning flickered jaggedly in the distance and she fought the irrational urge to tear off her gloves and hold her hands to the sky. 

***

In the darkness the feeling crept across his skin. Every hair on his body stiffened and he shuddered as if someone had wrenched a lit Z6 across his face, re-opening his scar. Eyes flew wide and he bolted upright the blankets pushed aside, his feet swung out of bed.

“Lights!” He ordered and his room became bright.

Nothing, there was nothing. He walked around his small bedroom space circling the bed and then went to the bathroom. He opened the fresher door and left it ajar.

“Don’t go,” he spoke a little franticly, through the Force and out loud, he talked to a flicker of life he could feel, but couldn’t see. He opened the door to his living area and darted around. It was an odd shaped space, but empty.

He looked to either side of him. Then again. He spun in a circle. He felt someone was behind him, or to the side, but just out of sight. Like an optical illusion that you couldn’t see if you concentrated. 

“Dirk?”

Not Dirk. It didn’t feel like the boy. It felt like… he shook his head, rubbed his large hands over his face. It felt like the bond he had with Rey, but it couldn’t be. That was long severed and it didn’t feel like the same connected awareness, just similar. And faint.

A tiny, green light flickered on and off on the Resistance drone as it sat on the table. They did this regularly, the light made it easy to find in case it landed somewhere dark or crowded, it was nothing out of the ordinary. Still he wondered.

“Mother?” He said quietly. 

The light from his bedroom threw long shadows across the area.

“Rey?” He tried.

Nothing.

Just a feeling, a slight presence. Panic rose inside of him.

His voice grew louder. “Supreme Leader Snoke?”

The feeling of Force sparkled on the edge of his awareness. Whatever it was, it faded as he moved and spoke. He wondered if he could halt it completely. Push back and squash the attack? Tempting as it was to try instead he sat on Dirk’s chair and gently reached back. But the Force was having none of that. Instead the presence slipped through his net like water only to bob to the surface again.

“What do you want?” 

It didn’t answer. Ben wondered if it could? It felt too raw, like the Force in a plant or a place. Maybe it was Rey, and something was wrong, maybe she was hurt or scared or dreaming. “It’s alright,” he messaged. “Tell me what you want, I can help you.”

The light on the drone flicked again and he felt the sparkle, for the want of a better description, want to do something. Then it floated away, the feeling, the sensation of bond, was as if it closed its eyes and went to sleep and he was left alone. Feeling cold and cramped, hands clenched on knees and head bowed.

“Lights, lights,” he barked and the whole area lit.

Putting the comm link on he double checked the outpost report from Rey’s unit, nothing stood out. Then he made sure the drone had been scanned before it had been put in his room. He wouldn’t put it past the Resistance to send some sort of Force trap, but it had been scanned twice and tested for chemical traces, radiation and anything else out of the ordinary. He switched back to the outpost reports, flicking straight to the only report he cared for, not caring who knew what he read. The daily notes were brief, to the point. No news about Rey. Nothing interesting to report, just small things the Captain wrote about, supplies and weather. Almost too brief since they had been returned. He’d gotten used to the gentle complaints the stormtrooper would offer, so regretful to be pointed out and wrapped in all their ‘glory of the First Order’ doublespeak. 

“She doesn’t care,” he reminded himself. “She doesn’t want to be with you, so why do you keep searching?” His voice sounded hollow and empty. “You have Dirk now, he wants to learn,” then he shook his head. “Mostly,” he added. “She doesn’t care, she doesn’t want to be with you and she is safe.”

He would not order that ship. He would not check.

***

“Why the pattern?”

Ben sat silent at the boy's low hissed question. They were supposed to be meditating. Concentrating, or more like not concentrating. Ben wanted to clear the feeling from the night before. He still had the niggling feeling he was not alone. Dirk had assured him he had done nothing but sleep during the night. 

“I see a pattern, like an ‘S’ is it a symbol. A secret Jedi thing?” Dirk snapped his fingers and pointed at Ben making him open his eyes, dip backwards. “It’s a secret Sith thing isn’t it?”

“Dirk, not now. Go away if you won’t sit still.”

“I want to go back. To Nal Hutta, I feel I have to. Can I leave?”

“You want to leave?”

Dirk paused, he spoke quickly, the words tumbling out. “Not forever, not forever Ben. I think this is where I’m supposed to be, although I’m sick of space and ships and officers. I just need to go back for something.”

“She doesn’t care about you, that girl.”

“Heh,” Dirk smiled wryly. “Really? Like you’re the expert?”

“I’m sorry if I offend you, but it’s true. That girl, the drunk stormtrooper, I pulled out of the transporter, she doesn’t care, and if that’s what you are going back for then don’t waste your time. Some stories don’t have endings, they just stop.”

The two men looked at each other.

“They were right about one thing, the Jedi. Feeling possessive about another person, being bound together, it doesn’t work. Trust me.”

Dirk pulled his knees up. “I just want to see her one more time and say good bye. See the others and my friends, put it all behind. Breathe actual real air again. See the baby.” Dirk realized his mistake too late and closed his eyes, wincing slightly.

“What baby?” Ben asked slowly, his eyes now wide. Now he was alert. 

“Mama’s baby, that's what hey called her, Mama, I can’t remember her serial number. One of the unit was pregnant when they arrived, would have had her by now. It’s a girl, I kept checking on Mama, perfectly fine, no complications. Don’t get all worked up about it though.”

So the Captain lied to him? Lied through omission. It seemed nobody Ben even tried to have faith in would ever be able to be depended on. “One of the soldiers was pregnant? That’s impossible.”

“Don’t get worked up,” Dirk repeated sensing the rising angst.

“A stormtrooper? They can’t be, they have birth control and they are programmed not to want to… create babies.”

“Yeah, bet that works. Look, forget babies. Come with me.”

Ben shook his head. “One of the stormtroopers was pregnant?” He would not have let Rey go there if he knew what sort of issues she would have to deal with. The captain had lied to him. A child was not something you forgot to add to a report.

“They were all there for a reason. I mean I thought that’s the whole point? All the girls, all had issues. Princess is…”

“I don’t want to talk about her,” he interrupted, then he turned away. They stood and Ben pulled his black cape tight. His head hurt, he was tired. Why couldn’t Dirk just listen and be quiet? 

“Yeah, yeah, little miss blue dress. Not to be talked about. I’m going to work the whole mystery out sooner or later. So, you fucked her and you fucked her up right? Or she fucked you. Stormtroopers are programmed,” Dirk coughed and said the word ‘brainwashed’ under his breath, “to not have sex my ass. You fucked Princess and you wanted to fuck her again.”  
The rage enveloped him like a black hole, trapping everything into hatred. “I am going to beat you till you can’t see,” he ground out at his vile apprentice. He tear his stupid hair from his scalp and leave him bleeding.

Dirk however stood firm. Even in front of the towering inferno of barely suppressed anger. He didn’t flinch. He didn’t turn. He didn’t deviate from his path. He faced the deadly Force. “I’m going to Nal’Hutta and you can either come along or stay here, but I’m going. You can’t stop me.” 

Ben’s lightsaber was moving towards his hand before he could think twice about his decision to slice the traitor in half.

Then the saber paused, it slipped through his gloved hand, turned and hovered in the air between them. It was a bizarre replay of the battle in the throne room, only instead of Rey, Dirk was opposite him. His own black gloved hand outstretched, and on his young face a look of mottled determination.

“You can’t win,” Ben told him. “I will always be more powerful than a boy who was born a slave.”

Dirk gasped as if he had been whipped, his feet lifted, till just the toes of his boots scraped against the polished metal floor. “There can only be two, until there is one.” Dirk pushed, he let go and the saber recoiled so fast it lit up and slashed into a wall behind Ben. The red light flaring into a splutter then sparked loudly. “I don’t want to fight you. He tugged on his plat, but I’m not going to roll over either, understand? I get it, you know you’re messed up on the inside.” He pointed at Ben’s chest. “Look how fast all this escalated. It’s so bad I can’t even start to work out how to fix the poison inside you, but, that’s what your master did to you, not me. Let’s both going to Nal Hutta, we are both going to say good bye,” he clenched his fists, “and then we can come back and kill each other slowly if that’s what you choose.”

“You would never win! You're nothing without me! You haven’t even got a lightsaber.”

Dirk looked down. “You’re right, I don’t, but, I’ve thought about that a lot, and I don’t think I need one. I’m good, and that’s how good I am. I don’t need a sign that says I’m a Force user. I don’t need this,” he held up his platted hair, or this, he raised a curled finger to throw a chair across the room, it landing noisily, knocking the drone to the floor with a smash. “But I like you, and I need you. Fuck knows why, but I need you Ben, and you have taught me. You could be a great teacher. You just have to stop being such a nerf herder about it all.”

Ben’s saber hissed again and flew back to his hand, now Dirk took a step back. He scowled at the Supreme Leader. 

“That’s your opinion?” Ben held the blade to his face, felt the burning heat, then switched it off. “If we go to Nal Hutta we will never see them again after that. It will be the end. The end, do you understand Dirk? After this we’ll go somewhere and study and concentrate. I need generals like the old days. I need Kenobi and Skywalker not… warring Sith. I don’t want to fight either, but you push me! There are enough people and armies and entire planets for me to fight, but I will if you don’t start taking this seriously. We are not friends.”

“We are not friends,” Dirk repeated, his voice sounding regretful. Then he walked over to the toppled chair and carried it back to its starting position before picking up the drone. He held it like a baby, both arms curled underneath. “Like you said, you’re Kenobi and I’m Skywalker. I can be a general if that’s what you want.”

Ben sighed audibly and went to his comm to order the unmarked ship be made ready. 

If Dirk knew the entire story of Anakin Skywalker he may not be so keen to role play. He would find out soon enough, secrets seemed to leech out when least expected. Anyway, Ben was Skywalker, it was his destiny, his family and he was the one who wore the mask. His doom.

He watched the boy calmly scan through his own small comm device as if he hadn’t just nearly been stabbed by his teacher, his fingers flicking. As the boy leaned against a wall, his black hat tilted like someone had placed a folded napkin on his skull. He still held the drone under one arm. 

If Ben was Skywalker, that made Dirk General Kenobi. Wise, hero Kenobi. Just like Dirk to be Kenobi, with his charm and wit and forgiveness. Ben frowned at his own indecision, if he didn’t want Dirk to be Kenobi or a Skywalker then who was he in this make believe? The boy had started to win over his fellow cadets. And his instructor, and the officers and even stormtroopers and droids. Dirk made sure everyone owed him at least one favor, that way he got everything done nice and easy. Now he said he didn’t even need a lightsaber? 

Skywalker had killed Kenobi in the end. 

“You’re Kenobi,” Dirk said. Making him jump. “I don’t want to be some old man with a beard.”

“I was named after him,” Ben wondered why he volunteered that bit of information. Wondered how Dirk knew what he was thinking. 

“Kylo Kenobi? That’s funny.”

It was really, honestly no use talking to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter dedicated to Bad Moms Christmas - the movie. SO bad, it reminded me that I can at least amuse myself with what I write. To the writers of the film... stop.
> 
> Seriously though, I read an article that said writing is 30 percent actual writing plot, character etc, and 70 percent editing. That made me feel good. Although, it may be hard to tell I edit a lot and I was starting to think 'maybe I'm just not that good if I'm changing so much?' but no, it's common! Thought I'd pass that gem on.


	27. Chapter 27

Because of the way the world moved, or the way the sluggish wind drifted, or the way people say the universe slowly spins in an ever widening spiral, time continued. The minutes and hours dripped away, especially drawn out when, at any time now, a black clad officer could be stepping through the door. Not just any clipboard toting, box checking, hurrying off to the nearest cantina officer either. 

Hours of punishments spent watching the pale and passionate General Hux in the communications sent from the First Order HR department had created a type of intimidating, yet strong father figure of the man. If, deep in the stormtrooper’s hearts, the women wished General Hux would come and tell them the audit was all a mistake. That they were doing a good job, they were protecting the interests of the First Order and that they should continue unchanged who would blame them? Didn’t the General care for his soldiers?

Rey imagined his black glove saluting, as he did often in the recordings she had watched, and looked at her own white armored fingers. The baby twitched inside her as she stared at her open hands. 

Any minute.

Any second.

The General would be here, and it would all be fine. He created them, he programmed their history, didn’t he? If he made us like this, then we are all doing what he made us do. She bargained with herself. Then again, what about Inna? She didn’t do what she was programmed to do. Or herself for that matter. Princess was still having trouble looking at the younger stormtrooper, because she had come so close to doing the exact thing Inna had been punished for. She was nothing but a hypocrite, only she had the sense to pick men who were civilians.

For a brief moment in time it had felt good too. 

There were hundreds of moments they had all gone against their ingrained orders. From relishing the feeling of being free of armor for that extra half an hour before patrol, to tasting sweet, gooey jam buns; or kissing friends, laughing and, especially bad, not reporting babies born to soldiers. Who was she kidding? They would all get reprogrammed as soon as General Hux spoke to a single one of them.

The Princess scanned the edges of her vision at her post outside the entrance to the barracks. The clouds were dark, the storm that had threatened and squalled for the last 48 hours slashed darkly in the sky. A familiar vehicle slowed as it approached her and the fat body of Belvi the local Hutt leader in his low set transporter eyed her as they drove past at a crawl. She stiffened as she watched the Hutt and his toadies pass by without a word from any of its occupants.

“Yes, yes, keep going,” she thought.

Her concentration temporarily diverted it flickered back to her usual tracking. A line of three large battle droids and two men approached from the edge of the building. The Princess looked at them and took an involuntary step backwards. Just a tiny flinch of surprise. One man was wearing the deepest black, and it was unmistakably General Hux, even if his hair didn’t give him away he had the white stripes on his sleeve to show his position. As she watched, eyes wide behind her mask, and a unit of ten stormtroopers fell in behind the General and his attendant with two more grey dressed officers bringing up the rear. In her helmet a new signal was scanned and picked up, although it stuttered jarringly. It was the transmission from the other stormtrooper unit. A foreign beep sequence that meant she wouldn’t have to warn the rest of her soldiers inside about the incoming visitors.

As the General came closer Princess had a wild thought that she could now die happy. IN-13 had stood in the presence of her creator and her creator was all.

General Hux ignored the lone stormtrooper as he reached the barracks and was speaking to his attendant. “…there is so much more that can be taught in an Academy; to exclude the basics is setting yourself up for failure.” 

The Princess snapped her arm to stiff attention almost holding her breath.

General Hux, pale and spotless, stood in front of her and gave the mildest spasm of a salute in return. His attention was completely drawn to his young companion who was holding his hat brim low over his face.

“If you worked with me, I would offer you so much more than a dead religion. You must have seen that the Force drives people insane, Ren is volatile, and all that Jedi and Sith trash is what has made him the magic worshiping sycophant he is. He is an example of why the saber wielding freaks are nothing more than memories and dust. Why look to the past when the future is so much better, for the entire galaxy,” the General paused and a tight, thin lipped look of concern flickered across his face. “I say this all in confidence of course.”

“Of course,” his companion replied quietly.

As General Hux talked on, the Princess’s attention was drawn to his immaculate dress. He was exactly as he looked in the daily communications, red hair, pale eyes and that firm voice, a voice that she felt compelled to obey if he spoke to her. Compelled? There would be absolutely no question about obeying. If he told her to lick his boots she couldn’t get to the mud fast enough. 

The voice of one of his accompanying stormtroopers buzzed. “Open the door.” He told her and the Princess typed the code to let the visitors in.

The person with General Hux stood to the side to let the others pass by. They were all male stormtroopers. She could tell. They were taller and wider. They walked in almost perfect unison, but two stayed behind to stand either side of the door. The one closest to her, shoved an elbow into her arm and she stepped back towards the road. He took her guard spot and lifted his rifle to his shoulder with the three droids, too big to enter the barracks, also left to act as sentry.

“Is there another exit?” The friend of the General asked. He lifted his hat and Princess let out a clipped gasp. 

“Show me,” Dirk ordered. “The General needs a secure perimeter.” He saluted her.

Princess saluted Dirk. Somehow she managed to get out. “Follow me Sir,” and the pair walked towards the rear courtyard door. It was long rusted shut and would not be able to be opened with a blaster, but it was far out of sight from the other stormtroopers.

“Secure perimeter!” Dirk repeated. “I’d like to secure a perimeter right through that nerf herder’s beady eyes.”

The Princess was unsure how to proceed. This was some sort of jest. How could Dirk be here, now, after being gone so long? And dressed in an officer’s uniform while talking to the military leader of the First Order. Correction, Dirk was wearing a cadet officer’s uniform. Had he been captured after the airfield incident? She thought guiltily. Ben and Dirk had boarded a First Order ship.

“Well, aren’t you going to say hello?” Dirk made a questioning face at her.

“Sir?”

“We are into this up to our necks Princess. Our necks!” He lowered his voice and looked around. “Did you know General Hux was coming here to audit your unit?”

“Sir?” She repeated, hoping he would disappear into one of the black, boiling clouds. Or that she would. Her eyes moved to his insignia on his jacket. The many toothed white circle on scarlet. “You’re a cadet officer Sir?”

He closed his eyes and took a breath. “I am. I joined up, with, uh, Ben. After everything that happened you know. It was unexpected, but, well, here I am.”

“You signed up? How come you get to be an officer?” She asked. Her surprise turned to anger. Hadn’t she been working as a stormtrooper much longer? This was surely some sort of plot, a trick. “Where’s Ben,” she added darkly.

“He’s not here,” Dirk affirmed. “Well, he was here. Princess, he would be here if he could, but it’s a long story, and I hardly know half of it honestly. Hux brought several thousand troops to Nal’Hutta. This,” he waved his hand towards the barracks, “is nothing, compared to what’s on standby.”

“Ben is one of the other stormtroopers isn’t he? Or did he get to become an officer too?” She paused. “He’s a pilot isn’t he, an officer pilot. They probably made him a captain.”

“Forget about Ben,” Dirk snapped and then leaned toward her. “We have to get you all out. The General is here to reprogram you all, but not before he questions you all on why the Supreme Leader created this all female outpost, and trust me, that man does not play nice. He wants an excuse to get rid of the Supreme Leader and he thinks one of you is the key. Princess, he will make one of you the key.”

The Princess felt her chest tighten. The Supreme Leader created this outpost? For what? And why was it over now? Princess’s thoughts on the Supreme Leader were muted. He was only a cherished line in his stormtroopers heads. ‘For the glory of the First Order’. Of course he was going to reprogram them all and he’d sent his General to strap them down. “Then we must be reprogrammed for the glory of the First Order,” she told him robotically. “It’s our time.” 

No good would come from trying to fight it.

“All troops return to barracks for inspection,” Sir’s voice sounded in her helmet. Even with its usual monotone, slightly buzzy tendency Princess could hear her unease. The way the Captain paused before saying ‘inspection’ said everything anyone needed to know.

“They’ve called us all in,” she informed Dirk. “It’s happening.”

Dirk paced one way and then another, seconds of distraction. “I can’t let you go,” he told her. “Trust me, my orders override General Hux’s and I can’t let you back into the barracks.”

“I’m not running away while my entire unit are made fuchsia!” She made to pass, but Dirk stood in her way. “The Supreme Leader orders you, and specifically you stormtrooper IN-13, not to return. To not come in contact with the General,” He scanned the cloud streaked sky. “Agree, agree please Princess! The Supreme Leader has ordered this. I can’t get him on my comm right now, the storm is fucking up the long range satellites, or he would tell you himself. There is more going on here than I can explain right now. We have to get away.”

“IN-13 Report,” came Gem’s voice through her helmet.

At the same time Princess heard Dirk’s comm beep, he pulled it out, General Hux’s name appeared on his screen. Local frequencies were still working. Why should she believe others weren’t? Why should she believe anything at all? 

The pair stared at each other. Princess through the prison of her helmet, with her child pressing against her and Dirk holding his comm. He lifted it to his face, “I have IN-13,” he said. “I’ll bring her to the barracks Sir.”

“Do that,” the General snapped back before the line went dead.

Princess swallowed. If she went with Dirk she was either going to be led back to the barrack’s entrance to be reprogrammed, and have her baby taken to become a stormtrooper just like herself; or was indeed obeying Supreme Leader, or maybe deserting.

“March trooper!” Dirk barked at her. “Do not disobey your superior,” he put his hands behind his back in an excellent imitation of the General. “For the glory of the First Order.”

“For the glory of the First Order,” Princess repeated in a fierce whisper. She fell in behind Dirk, with her blaster drawn and knuckles flexing towards the trigger. If this Princess was going to be erased from history she was going to do it with gun in her hand.

***

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, FUCK.

Kylo Ren stood, every nerve straining at the control computer of his ship. He’d already ordered it to jump to Nal’Hutta immediately, but immediately with a large ship, without a planned, programmed jump schedule was not as fast as he liked. They had already got close using a pre-programmed route from when the ship was previously in the sector, but because the universe hated him his command ship had never been in orbit around Nal’Hutta, had never even been to the same solar system.

“Can I send a squad ahead?” His secretary asked. “They may get there before us and clear customs, some of the X Wings have gone closer, the droids could program…”

“I need this ship in orbit, with transport ready to launch,” he cut through. “Has the General answered?”

“Nothing Sir, and his officers are not answering, we’re getting nothing but static.”

The Supreme Leader would have smashed every circuit in the room, every display, every tiny flashing light and tiny flashing brain. Hux would pay if one hair on Rey’s head was even split by a passing breeze. Ren would gladly spend eternity keeping the freak general restrained and alive while carefully stripping a square inch off his body each day, until Hux was nothing but the oozing scab he acted like.

He looked at the navigator who was tapping furiously with two other men pointing at screens. 

It was in the hands of Dirk right now. Did he trust the boy? Did he trust his training? He had done so little in the past few months and his own fear or jealousy had stopped him training Dirk with even the most basic of blasters.

“Has the unmarked courier ship been refueled?” He asked the secretary. “The one that I returned in?”

She answered in the affirmative. “The navigator is using the smaller ships coordinate history to map our last hyper jumps.” She seemed to sense his next request. “It could return to Nal’Hutta earlier, but not by much.” Looking over at the navigator the woman’s lips twitched into a tense frown. The ping of the ships announcement system signaled a jump to hyperspace was incoming. “We are close Sir. However, along with General Hux and our own troops, I haven’t been able to contact the Hutts. With two large war ships in orbit and lack of radio or visual frequency our presence may be seen as  
threatening - if found.”

“Keep trying all forms of contact, you know your orders.” 

“Brace,” someone ordered and Ren put his hands on the edge of the panel. Too late to move away his secretary held on next to him. His big black gloved hands next to her small ones. The stars streaked past the viewing panes and the ship hit hyper speed. He focused on her small hands, the way they tightened until her veins showed blue and knuckles white on her skin. They reminded him of Rey’s. 

The invisible presence that had visited him in his sleep flared into his consciousness, this time stronger. He stayed gripping the panel and his eyes traveled from his secretaries hands to his own.  
Perhaps Rey was trying to reach him? “Rey?” He spoke in a worried whisper beneath his mask, but the spark didn’t react. It just was. It touched his tightly stacked Force walls like sunlight through a crack in a curtain. He felt the spark was pointing, pointing and showing, but Ren was the one on display. He was like a picture in a gallery. The spark was showing him to someone else before it softened, twirling to nothing like a sudden whirling wind dropping to stillness.

“Another in ten,” the navigator said from his seat.

The Supreme Leader straightened. He brushed off the feeling of the unwanted visitor. “Get the troops ready to convoy out,” Ren told his secretary.

“How many units Sir?”

“All of them.”

***

It was clear the Princess was pregnant as soon as he had convinced her to take off her armor. How in the galaxy did he not feel it before? It honestly confused Dirk. In all his life he had been able to ‘feel’ the way a being worked, any species, any level of intelligence. Yet, he had never felt anything from Princess except the most basic illness and pain, and they had been quick fixes. Pregnancies were obvious though. Even from a few days. He touched her wrist experimentally; if he really pushed himself he could feel she was uncomfortable. With a little nudge of Force he slid the round ligament tension to the side, but he knew it was hard to keep the symptoms of pregnancy at bay for long. Weight was heavy and he couldn’t make a baby and all the extra fluids that came with babies any lighter. 

She sighed as she felt the sudden relaxing of tension.

Nothing. Dirk could feel nothing of the baby. “Do you feel it move?” He asked concerned. 

A slight blush bloomed behind her freckles. “The baby? Yes, often now. She is so active, especially when I want to sleep.”

“Is she moving now?” Before the Princess could reply he put his hand low on her belly with the firmness of a doctor. He felt the flutter of movement, yet still no Force of life. This was Ben’s baby, he guessed. The more he looked at Princess she knew she was his girl. The girl he thought of so often when he meditated; the one in the blue dress with the ‘S’ patterned hem. So, the baby was his, or did she have an affair? Was that why he sent her away and wiped her memories? Could he be blocking the baby’s Force?

“Does Ben know you’re pregnant?”

The Princess brushed his hand away. “Ben? Why should he know, he’s nobody,” she wrapped her arms around her belly. “This changes nothing. You said we were going to get the others out, I have to help  
them. What about Mama and Gem and Inna?”

Inna. At the mention of her name Dirk frowned. He looked at his comm and put it back in his pocket.

There was nothing but another message from General Hux. Not a nice message. Dirk was surprised the man had spilled so much of his true feelings about the Supreme Leader. It had only taken a tiny tale about how Dirk had been sent to negotiate with the Hutts on a private matter. Even though a First Order cadet, alone in a Nal’Hutta airfield, was hardly plausible. He had played the Force card and given Hux a show of strength, along with a confident air that he was an apprentice not to be messed with. 

Next it had only taken the merest mention of how tired he was of being bossed around by Kylo Ren. General Hux had nearly pissed himself trying to act the understanding mentor. But now. Dirk was AWOL and the General was probably already regretting his attempts to talk his master’s apprentice into a new alliance. Hopefully missing Dirk was a distraction from questioning or reprogramming the stormtroopers.

“We need to wait for Ben,” Dirk told the Princess. “He is the only one who can help.”

She turned away and shook off his hand. “I am not waiting for Ben or anyone.”

He picked up her helmet and held it up, concentrating on the way the cold, glossy plastic felt. It smelt like how he remembered Inna's hair, when she had let him... but that had been long ago now. Dirk fought the urge to try it on. “What are you going to do?” He asked as the helmet looked back at him through its black eyes. “Attack a whole legion of stormtroopers? Battle droids? Your own unit? They would turn on you if General Hux ordered it, you know they would. They would have to.”

The Princess drew her eyebrows together into a deep scowl, before grasping her helmet. “I will ask the General for forgiveness. He cares for the universe and all of us. I will explain…”

“Listen,” Dirk snapped. His hand rested on her wrist and she turned with a gasp. A spark of Force leapt between them like an arch of saber light. In his mind a vision of the Supreme Leader, in mask and uniform half bent on the bridge of his command ship with the view of space spread behind him. Space creating stars and suns and black nothing in between. For an instant Dirk felt Ben looked at him, but the vision passed as quickly as it had appeared. 

The Princess stared at Dirk open mouthed. “Supreme Leader,” she said and her fingers curled around Dirk’s. “I felt. It’s so strange. I felt he is coming.” She twitched out of his grasp. “What did you do to me? What was that? This changes nothing!”

“I think you have to sit down. It’s about your pregnancy.”

The muscles in the Princess’s jaw tightened. “Don’t tell me Dirk.”

“If you already know…”

“Please don’t. Tell. Me.”

“He’s not that bad, you seemed to really like him last time you saw him. Mostly,” Dirk said. She had broken his wrist, but honestly he had that effect on beings.

“The last time I saw him? You were there?”

“It's Ben. Ben is the father of your baby.”

“Ben?” The Princess put two hands over her stomach, her shoulders shook. “I thought you were going to tell me the Supreme Leader was the father of my baby.” She laughed; an echo of hysteria. “Ben! Oh, that explains so much. Why he was always trying to talk to me.” She stopped, her fingers widened around her bump. “But he’s so, so, so tall.”

Dirk looked at his comm again. This last visit was not going the way he thought it was going to go. 

The Princess slung her rifle over her back and ran a hand through her shaved hair before pulling a grey cloak hood over her head and smiled sadly. “What a strange story this will be. When Ben gets here, tell him where I am won’t you?”

It was no use, she was a warrior, not a little rabbit to wait in its burrow. Dirk could not keep her here if she thought the others needed her. Time spent away from them only steeled her resolve. A half-baked plan came into Dirk’s mind. It rankled, but it was a plan. Ben would only be a few hours away. If the Force vision he had just had, if that’s what it had been, was truth then Ben was at least back on the command ship. 

“If you won't wait then I’m coming with you,” Dirk said. “Let me do the talking right? Let me try. The General and his soldiers won’t know who you are. They won’t think you are the missing stormtrooper if I tell them you aren’t.”

“What’s the plan?”

“How good are you at this?” Dirk wiggled his fingers and the Princess lifted her hands to echo his movements as a look of distrust wavered across her face. “Princess can you pretend to be a Jedi knight?”


End file.
